suistore
Member
- Apr 17, 2026
- 27
I think I'm going to do it in 5 days. I'm meeting up with the boy from my previous post in 4 days, on April 26, and we are going to spend the night together camping. The next day, April 27, I'm going to hang myself upon returning home from our trip. I made jokes to him about being dead soon/where to spread my ashes, but I don't think I'll seriously tell him until right before I do it. I'd like to feel loved just one more time before I go. Even though I know he doesn't really love me, he says it to me and he kisses mme so I think that's good enough. I'll just pretend that he means it.
Tomorrow I will transfer my savings to my retirement account that has my little brother as the beneficiary. I feel so sad thinking about leaving some of my family, but I can't help feeling like this is what has to happen, like there's no other choice now. I am a little scared that I will fail and get brain damage or something and turn out even more retarded than I am now, I'm kinda just praying that that doesn't happen.
The fact that this feels so certain to me is so weird. I've always known that I'd die by my own hands, but I've never felt as sure of the timing or method as I do right now.
I had quite a few rude customers/bad work experiences today but I didn't feel sad like I usually would. I feel like nothing can get me down now that I know that I'm going to get away so soon. I'm going to feel loved and have fun and then I'm going to go sleep forever, like I've always wanted.
I'm truly so excited :)
Tomorrow I will transfer my savings to my retirement account that has my little brother as the beneficiary. I feel so sad thinking about leaving some of my family, but I can't help feeling like this is what has to happen, like there's no other choice now. I am a little scared that I will fail and get brain damage or something and turn out even more retarded than I am now, I'm kinda just praying that that doesn't happen.
The fact that this feels so certain to me is so weird. I've always known that I'd die by my own hands, but I've never felt as sure of the timing or method as I do right now.
I had quite a few rude customers/bad work experiences today but I didn't feel sad like I usually would. I feel like nothing can get me down now that I know that I'm going to get away so soon. I'm going to feel loved and have fun and then I'm going to go sleep forever, like I've always wanted.
I'm truly so excited :)
