ever so lonely
terry joseph williams
- Apr 17, 2022
- 282
ok peeps thanks for having me, i know i typed out similar before, but i think what was making me suicidal was very much my environment, feel out of place (different country from birth), and i feel like a failure as i just havnt fitted in for whatever reason maybe being perceived as an outsider foreigner hasnt helped, i guess technically i am lol, my failure to fit in has exhausted me even when i have tried to shut off and be reclusive, but for me i not enjoying it, i need others sometimes, we all do, my failure here has contributed to suicidal thoughts and actions, anyhoo my plans are to return home and i have even got the ball rolling by getting off my fat lazy no good arse and contacting zoopla and rightmove, i havent put a deposit down on a flat yet but i am looking around at the rental prices which seem reasonable, i have a long ass work gap on my cv now tho, at least 4 years, by far my longest stint, that shit is troubling me, will employers if i do return to the workplace judge me because of it ?, anyhoo this is my last chance saloon tho, so i will return back to england as never felt this isolated in my whole life, and if it doesnt work out the sn is still here, i will keep it as apparently according to instructions it has a long shelf life, tbh i dont feel ready to die maybe, i think of the finality and find myself thinking am i ready ? like truly ready ? i just not so sure, i think of the people i would hurt too, i just think it was the situation i was trying to escape from, and this place was escapism for me for a while, making up for the connections lacking irl, the lack of connections where i live currently was driving me crazy tho, not saying it will be any better in england maybe it will be just as bad but i owe it to myself to take the plunge, but i do know people there at least, my dating life and work life down there was so much better too, just life in general man, tho never fantastic, it was better, thanks for having me guys, i am in two minds about leaving the site as it has often been my only source of comfort with you guys and gals, but i feel with the move i will have a lot more going on in life and perhaps should try to devote my self fully to that, and like i say if it fails the back up is the sn, i just want to give it another final shot, what do you guys think ? anybody similar ?, i mean we owe it to ourselves to exhaust measures, i was never this depressed tho in my native country i was depressed but never like this, where i had failed attempts under my belt, my gp and i had this discussion recently, he explained that your environment is key to how you feel, the connections or lack thereof, the acceptance etc, he went onto explain also that if you feel you dont belong somewhere that will weigh heavy on you, probably the best thing to do if your in a position to is upsticks and leave, try create a new life for yourself, it is daunting thinking about, but i will try, i think he also correct, so i will take his advice and get my arse out of dodge lol, just lucky to have the funds available i guess, but that because i save everything, thanks for having me guys i will miss most of you, it says it takes 3 days to cancel your account at which point it is deleted, i just want to say thanks for having me, and sorry if i offended anybody along the way, sorry, i know we all be struggling, and some of us are no longer here, i apologise peoples, well loves ya, and take care, and sorry for being a cunt sometimes, may i come back if i ever do change my mind ?, thanks again peoples, god bless sasu and the community, 
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whatever you decide.
good luck ...
