Decided i’m going to Ctb later this year.

[CemetryGates]

I've decided i'm going to ctb to find peace. What i've realised is the people telling me to "give life another chance" or "people will miss you" are the people who don't care about me the people who say they will call or text but never do, i'm talking months gone by without a message back. They just say the "nice" things to save face and make themselves look good. In the world of social media everyone is a PR agent/ celebrity or atleast they think they are. They will even use suicide as a means to make themselves look better it knows no bounds. Same people who post stuff like "talking is the first step #mentalhealthawareness" blah blah blah are the same people who don't give a fuck about you when you are in need. I am kind of in a sense of disassociation I like to walk and when I do go out and see people hustling and bustling I used to envy them like oh I wish I had some meaning or cared about my life, now I don't, Truth is I can't wait to get out of this hell hole I mean think about how utterly insane this place is; you're born, forced into school, jobs, debt, relationships, more debt and a mundane life without ever being allowed to question why or wanting to not live that life, I mean how Insane is that!

Anyway I have decided to go by SN problem is my parents are off for like 7 weeks so I will have to wait until September to order my SN. So the way I look at it I am in purgatory until then when I can finally get peace.
Much love to you all

 

[Euthanza]

Everyday I think about suicide, I don't like my life either I don't like the system of life as a whole.

 

[8evergo]

The system is built up by no human beings a group of people who call themselves illuminati worldwide the vatican is full of symbols of this demension where how life is the material world that of eating and being eaten exists the other world is better

 

[CemetryGates]

The system is built up by no human beings a group of people who call themselves illuminati worldwide the vatican is full of symbols of this demension where how life is the material world that of eating and being eaten exists the other world is better

I've been down that road but it's exhausting I don't care anymore I'm just going to find peace.

 

[8evergo]

i will do that too i will enjoy this summer and i will escape in the autumn

 

[Conker]

The system is built up by no human beings a group of people who call themselves illuminati worldwide the vatican is full of symbols of this demension where how life is the material world that of eating and being eaten exists the other world is better

Go figure, when you're ruled over by satanic child rapists..
You get an insane asylum cleverly disguised as a society.

There's a reason why they say mo money, mo problems.

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Donald Marshall.... Just read it,....it's true and the most important letter ever to hit the internet,... feel free to panic, you should,...

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[FuneralCry]

I understand, I see existence as being so horrifying and pointless. It is just endless problems and misery all for the sake of it. I see non existence as being preferable to any kind of life, and I could never envy anyone who is still alive, I only envy those who are gone. I do see people as being very selfish as well and many only care about what directly affects themselves. I hope that you find relief from your suffering.

 

[Alfarooq]

I agree. As for me:

I have finally decided to make the decision to CTB. I would much appreciate if anyone would give me an assisted suicide method in the UK. I have let people down a lot, including my parents, and I am guilty, I keep making embarrassing mistakes, I am too dumb for this world, everyone around me is succeeding in life except for me, I will not make it in this world at all. I will never succeed or be able to do what I always wished to do. So what's the point of living? Life is for those who are able to make use of themselves. Those who have a good future in their life. Those people deserve to live. I don't. I have no motivation and no chance of success. It's not like I deserve to live anyway. This 6 months lasting depression is all my fault.

But wait, there's more. I am home schooling in college at the moment, studying Computer Science. I can't bring myself to do any assignments or study for any tests. I simply have no interest in the subjects anymore. I live with my dad and commute to school and I hate every minute of going to class and being on campus. I feel so much guilt because going to college is a opportunity and my dad paid a lot of money and it feels like I am just blowing it. And because I have no motivation, i am useless. Am I not?

I am honestly not sure what to do with my trash life anymore. I'd like to finish school, but the motivation is just not there. I think about CTB every day. School was honestly all I had until I lost the motivation to continue.

No motivation, no potential for success, and because of my uselessness, I always think of performing CTB but I'm not sure how i am even going to pull it off. I'm a total failure, and I don't think I'm going to make it in this cursed world at all, not that I even deserve to live anyway. Life is for successful people and for those who can make use of themselves, not bastards like me. And on top of that it's not my only problem. I seem to have a problem with everyone I know as well. Everyone I know, I have seen the cursed side of them at least once. Not a single soul was nice to me my entire life. Not even my "family"

And speaking of my "family", and also speaking of the fact that you should think about how they would feel if you were gone, they do things everyday that give me a new reason to CTB. (Everyday I wake up and go back to sleep with a new reason to CTB.) I have 2 sisters, and the WORST thing of all, is that one of them decided to say "Alfarooq, why don't you CTB earlier because I don't want you here at all". Wow. I felt offended alot. I don't even know how the imbeciles found out I had the desire to CTB. So my entire "family" is a joke.

Human beings are cursed. They always offend me. No one helps you become happy in this cursed world, no one cares about your existence, and no one helps you succeed. I have been harassed and offended a lot by many bastards, had many fake friends betray me, and every bastard only cares about themselves. There is no one worth trusting in this planet. Everyone around me is succeeding, and I am tired of being left out. Who will care about your existence? If your not smart enough to to make something useful of yourself in this life, you will not get anywhere. I need to CTB asap.


And they say life is a "gift from God" well I have abused that gift, and I don't deserve it. I deserve to die.

 

[leavingsoon99]

I am kind of in a sense of disassociation I like to walk and when I do go out and see people hustling and bustling I used to envy them like oh I wish I had some meaning or cared about my life

You had me at hello with this. I do this exact thing and used to feel the exact same way. That's why I put off my CTB the first time. I was convinced that I had to give life one last chance and become 'the best version of myself'. But then, I asked... what then? What is the point of jumping back into the very rat race that wore me out? Why am I going to help the human race, when it made me an outcast? What am I striving and struggling for? Especially when the world is going to complete crap. I used to want something that consumed me and kept me 'ticking'. However, I often questioned the why behind all of it. Why does EVERYTHING in this life have to be a competition and a struggle? Fight to work. Fight to eat. Fight for your mate. Fight for respect. Fight for love. Fight. Fight. Fight. What the hell for? I'm tired of this. You spoke to my spirit with this. I wish you luck, and please wish me luck as well.