nothingbutmybest
Student
- May 1, 2023
- 112
I plan on stabbing myself, am I missing anything?
[Knife Selection]
A knife like this is ideal, it'd only curve in extreme cases where you loosen your grip halfway. Curving is still possible due to the fact that the legs are not a homogenous blob of flesh, but this is a risk I am willing to take. If anyone knows a spring loaded knife powerful enough to penetrate deeply, please let me know.
[Pain of stabbing]
In extreme pain, I just breathe very heavily instead of screaming. For this reason, I do not plan on using a makeshift rope with clothes to bite down on to prevent any screaming.
[Blood Puddles]
As for the blood, I plan to just dump a towel over my leg. It won't catch everything, but it'd be enough to not have blood pooling out from under my door.
[Stab Methodology]
I intend to stab my femoral artery by stabbing my upper left hamstring. Stabbing the femoral triangle is more guaranteed, but it's awkward stabbing that location reliably and I believe I'd hesitate stabbing that close to my groin. Stabbing the femoral artery is fatal if not immediately treated.
[Missing/Failing]
I am aware that I'm likely to miss regardless of how much preparation I perform. Even though the knife is fairly wide, there's a zone where the artery would get sliced but not severed or even slip off the knife, given that the flesh is splitting apart and that the knife is not razor sharp.
In the case I miss, I am relying on blood loss and the fact that legs are supplied a significant amount of blood even without the femoral artery. Should this also fail, I will attempt to stab my left leg though I am unsure whether I have the courage to fight twice.
[Final Thoughts]
[Knife Selection]
A knife like this is ideal, it'd only curve in extreme cases where you loosen your grip halfway. Curving is still possible due to the fact that the legs are not a homogenous blob of flesh, but this is a risk I am willing to take. If anyone knows a spring loaded knife powerful enough to penetrate deeply, please let me know.
[Pain of stabbing]
In extreme pain, I just breathe very heavily instead of screaming. For this reason, I do not plan on using a makeshift rope with clothes to bite down on to prevent any screaming.
[Blood Puddles]
As for the blood, I plan to just dump a towel over my leg. It won't catch everything, but it'd be enough to not have blood pooling out from under my door.
[Stab Methodology]
I intend to stab my femoral artery by stabbing my upper left hamstring. Stabbing the femoral triangle is more guaranteed, but it's awkward stabbing that location reliably and I believe I'd hesitate stabbing that close to my groin. Stabbing the femoral artery is fatal if not immediately treated.
[Missing/Failing]
I am aware that I'm likely to miss regardless of how much preparation I perform. Even though the knife is fairly wide, there's a zone where the artery would get sliced but not severed or even slip off the knife, given that the flesh is splitting apart and that the knife is not razor sharp.
In the case I miss, I am relying on blood loss and the fact that legs are supplied a significant amount of blood even without the femoral artery. Should this also fail, I will attempt to stab my left leg though I am unsure whether I have the courage to fight twice.
[Final Thoughts]
I'm aware that this method is extremely painful, horribly slow and with significantly varying levels of effectiveness. There are reasons for me picking this but long story short, other methods have seem to have greater risks or have other problems with completion, I do not see a better option and I being frustrated enough to start taking larger risks. Should I fail completely, I would likely clean my wound then call the police and be sent to the psych ward IF the wound was bad enough that I couldn't treat it. My history of suicide will make it impossible to talk my way out.
In all likelihood, I'd end up fighting in court that I am mentally competent enough to refuse treatment. If not the right to injure myself, then at least the right to an inviolable body (I KNOW I can die by VSED with little to stop me.) It'd probably be agonizing though, as court cases are horribly long and being stuck in a psych ward is mentally damaging (no access to friends, hobbies, stimulation or anything). I'd also have to accept all forms of treatment to prove my mental competence, something I am strongly against. If I fail even this, I suppose I deserve the torture that will inevitably await for the rest of my life, or until activists are able to change the law, or until I eventually decide I'm willing to fake my personality to leave to kill myself.
Night night does work, but apparently not for me. Sodium Nitrate and Sodium Azide are completely inaccessible to me. Poisonous gases has the risk of killing my family, which is completely unacceptable. Even if I were to place a note written in my home tongue in large font, they are likely to panic enough for them to ignore it. I have been on the deep web enough to locate specific certain drugs, but purity is an issue and I'd rather not develop a physical addiction. I have the ability to synthesize chemicals like fentanyl, but fentanyl requires significant amounts of money for the proper setup and I do not know what chemical would be easier to use. I do have 1,4 butanediol because I found one that was cheap but am not committing until it is confirmed to either kill you before any lasting impacts are relevant or do nothing.
In all likelihood, I'd end up fighting in court that I am mentally competent enough to refuse treatment. If not the right to injure myself, then at least the right to an inviolable body (I KNOW I can die by VSED with little to stop me.) It'd probably be agonizing though, as court cases are horribly long and being stuck in a psych ward is mentally damaging (no access to friends, hobbies, stimulation or anything). I'd also have to accept all forms of treatment to prove my mental competence, something I am strongly against. If I fail even this, I suppose I deserve the torture that will inevitably await for the rest of my life, or until activists are able to change the law, or until I eventually decide I'm willing to fake my personality to leave to kill myself.
Night night does work, but apparently not for me. Sodium Nitrate and Sodium Azide are completely inaccessible to me. Poisonous gases has the risk of killing my family, which is completely unacceptable. Even if I were to place a note written in my home tongue in large font, they are likely to panic enough for them to ignore it. I have been on the deep web enough to locate specific certain drugs, but purity is an issue and I'd rather not develop a physical addiction. I have the ability to synthesize chemicals like fentanyl, but fentanyl requires significant amounts of money for the proper setup and I do not know what chemical would be easier to use. I do have 1,4 butanediol because I found one that was cheap but am not committing until it is confirmed to either kill you before any lasting impacts are relevant or do nothing.
