Discussion Death meditation, tw religious talk ahead

[atarax1a]

While suicide has been part of my mind just because I want to avoid a painful progression of physical ailments. I still wish to give life a shot, I've tried everything to accept human suffering.

From the christian concept of "offering" suffering and "uniting" it with the Passion of Christ (because I consider myself a christian) and recently I discovered death meditation from buddhism.

I've dreamed about my death several times, once I dreamed about dying from electricity. And most recently, I dreamed that I had access to those Assisted Suicide concotions that make you sleep. I slept in my sleep and all I experienced was peaceful darkness.

My drive to suicide is not like I ve seen here. I do want to live, in fact, this year I had progressed so much in my life, I was able to enter a university and I had great results with selling my products, So mamy projects entered my mind and I saw a future.

But in just a few days everything went downhill. Which made me depressed AGAIN. My great happy days just lasted a few months after years of depression, and now my depression is worse.

I am angry at God. I ve said it to him, why He made me felt I had a 2nd chance just for this? I am afraid, afraid that my diagnosis is bad.

I hope it is not what I suspect it is. I never asked for money in prayers, just a simple life, a boring one. I didnt mind.

So after looking for months everywhere, I stumbled upon this concept. Death Meditation. I need this to overcome my physical pain, it is said that some people developt great techniques that bodily suffering while existing, is not as bad as before. Because "everything is in their mind". I want that. I want that ability.

If I am mot able to master it, I will then choose cbt. But I want to try.

 

[2percent]

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling to reconcile your physical ailments with your ambitions and faith. What you're contending with is immense.

If I may, can I ask:
1. What the source/cause of your ambitions are? What would it mean if you didn't achieve them? Achieved 80% of them? 60%?
2. What would it mean if you were unable to achieve everything you wanted because of chronic ailments or pain that God tested you with/allowed to happen to you? Do you think an all-knowing and loving God would judge you for not being able to fulfill your ambitions, knowing the severity and nature of the obstacles you encountered?
3. What is your objective with 'death meditation'? Is it resolve or ameliorate a fear of death/dying? Or specifically a fear of death/dying with your ambitions unfulfilled? Is there even a difference between those two for you?

'My drive to suicide is not like I ve seen here.' - I feel that this might be an unhelpful generalisation. All of our drives are a little different; to paraphrase Tolstoy, 'each happy family is alike while each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.' What's important is to explore what it would mean to you, in a community that is more open to the discussion than most. I would try to approach the concept of death and suicide as much as possible without the baggage it tends to come with in today's society.

Otherwise, if you are/have been diagnosed with a severe condition, then I'm afraid I have little personal experience I can draw upon. There may be in-person support groups in your community, or perhaps others here can provide more appropriate support.

 

[timf]

You might want to be cautious. A focus on death can make it seem the only option.