awfullymorbid
medieval dragon slayer
- Jan 30, 2026
- 28
This forum used to be the first thing I checked in the morning, I got logged out and I knew I could log back in but I decided not to.
Since I was last on here it's became so much worse, which I'm not necessarily devastated about. Of course it's exhausting but my goal isn't to survive so I can't really complain. My survival instincts are becoming more numb, although not numb enough unfortunately. We'll see how it goes. I've though about death a lot, everyday for the past couple of years actually. My goal has been clear since early adolescence. The problem is I can't choose when, where or how to do it.
"Today is the day" I think to myself, only to go to sleep. I literally have no interest in humans nor human life, yet I continue to exist. I've always been sort of hostile, but it's becoming worse. Recently I've found it quite difficult to be around humans without showing anger, I really don't think my brain is designed to be around people which is unfortunate. Sometimes I wish I was a normal person. I'm aware everyone feels down, I'm not alone on a superficial level. I know I probably just have an irregulated nervous system. But I truly can't stand living with it. The fact I somewhat have a choice between life or death comforts me, I just wish it was easier to make the choice of death.
Since I was last on here it's became so much worse, which I'm not necessarily devastated about. Of course it's exhausting but my goal isn't to survive so I can't really complain. My survival instincts are becoming more numb, although not numb enough unfortunately. We'll see how it goes. I've though about death a lot, everyday for the past couple of years actually. My goal has been clear since early adolescence. The problem is I can't choose when, where or how to do it.
"Today is the day" I think to myself, only to go to sleep. I literally have no interest in humans nor human life, yet I continue to exist. I've always been sort of hostile, but it's becoming worse. Recently I've found it quite difficult to be around humans without showing anger, I really don't think my brain is designed to be around people which is unfortunate. Sometimes I wish I was a normal person. I'm aware everyone feels down, I'm not alone on a superficial level. I know I probably just have an irregulated nervous system. But I truly can't stand living with it. The fact I somewhat have a choice between life or death comforts me, I just wish it was easier to make the choice of death.
