johnlubber69
Member
- Mar 26, 2024
- 6
My Own Thoughts On Death and Suicide Now That It Stalks Me
To the average person, receiving a death sentence from a doctor is earth shattering and heartbreaking, but I see a golden opportunity. He said I had 6 months to a year to live, showing me the X Rays and blood tests revealing the death spreading rapidly inside of me with no hope that either surgery or any other form of treatment would have any effect on the outcome. This could easily break my spirit, but I've decided to go another way. You see, I've imagined and sometimes fantasized about this exact scenario, but it's not the end or actual death I want. Having been given this sure and certain death sentence, wouldn't it be better to take control over that ending rather than allowing fate to ruin my final days on this earth?
Yes, I will put as much work and planning into my death as I have in my life. My death will be as sweet and amazing as my life. I will choose exactly how to die.
Death should have as much meaning and purpose as life itself. We celebrate the beginning. Why not celebrate and rejoice at the end of life? After all, we are all going to die at some point in the future. We work our whole lives to have a purposeful and satisfying life. Why then, should we allow our death to be one of long suffering without purpose. It's a waste and often miserable.
We do have a choice. A good or honorable death is possible. Our death should be just as incredibly joyous and satisfying to the end, like a wonderful vacation or a fine meal or even great sex. Therefore, to achieve a good death requires thoughtful planning, just as our parents planned for our birth down to the smallest detail.
So, having been given this terminal diagnosis that will cause my body to waste away in agonizing pain over weeks and months with even more suffering for my family, I've decided to take matters into my own hands, and I do mean my own hands. I will take my own life on my terms before that wasteful and agonizing end. I will not allow death to take me, but rather, I will take death with a method, time and place of my own choosing, one with meaning and laced with my own dark desires. I want an honorable primal death. I'll plan and execute every part of this event, with a final evening of joy and satisfaction that very few will understand. What might seem masochistic, needlessly painful and violent to some will be my ultimate freedom, living out my darkest fantasies.
I've always admired the honorable deaths of the warriors of ancient times such as the Samurai, the Gladiators and the human sacrifices to the gods where the event was celebrated and cheered on by blood thirsty onlookers. The victim or participant looked forward to a good death without the needless suffering of old age and waste and was honored at being chosen. Die well my friends.
Why would I waste a "certain death" when I can, instead, fully participate in the planning of that death in a manner befitting those glorious men of honor and duty from days gone by? I look forward to both the planning and the final event equally, knowing that I decided the place, time, and manner of death by my own, still, capable hands.
Now, don't get me wrong. I don't want to die, but fate has already dealt me that hand much sooner than I anticipated and I can't stop it. I guess most of us want to live a full healthy life into our nineties and die in our sleep, but that is a rarity. Most people die from disease, after a long suffering illness. They linger, being cared for, no longer useful and often in pain for many weeks or months. That doesn't sound like a meaningful or satisfying death.
When the time comes and I'm still relatively healthy and able to carry out my plan, I'll do it myself with the knowledge that I gave death a good fight, not letting it control me, but by taking control as a last act of defiance.
Please tell me your thoughts on this as it has been on my mind for years, but now more important than ever.
To the average person, receiving a death sentence from a doctor is earth shattering and heartbreaking, but I see a golden opportunity. He said I had 6 months to a year to live, showing me the X Rays and blood tests revealing the death spreading rapidly inside of me with no hope that either surgery or any other form of treatment would have any effect on the outcome. This could easily break my spirit, but I've decided to go another way. You see, I've imagined and sometimes fantasized about this exact scenario, but it's not the end or actual death I want. Having been given this sure and certain death sentence, wouldn't it be better to take control over that ending rather than allowing fate to ruin my final days on this earth?
Yes, I will put as much work and planning into my death as I have in my life. My death will be as sweet and amazing as my life. I will choose exactly how to die.
Death should have as much meaning and purpose as life itself. We celebrate the beginning. Why not celebrate and rejoice at the end of life? After all, we are all going to die at some point in the future. We work our whole lives to have a purposeful and satisfying life. Why then, should we allow our death to be one of long suffering without purpose. It's a waste and often miserable.
We do have a choice. A good or honorable death is possible. Our death should be just as incredibly joyous and satisfying to the end, like a wonderful vacation or a fine meal or even great sex. Therefore, to achieve a good death requires thoughtful planning, just as our parents planned for our birth down to the smallest detail.
So, having been given this terminal diagnosis that will cause my body to waste away in agonizing pain over weeks and months with even more suffering for my family, I've decided to take matters into my own hands, and I do mean my own hands. I will take my own life on my terms before that wasteful and agonizing end. I will not allow death to take me, but rather, I will take death with a method, time and place of my own choosing, one with meaning and laced with my own dark desires. I want an honorable primal death. I'll plan and execute every part of this event, with a final evening of joy and satisfaction that very few will understand. What might seem masochistic, needlessly painful and violent to some will be my ultimate freedom, living out my darkest fantasies.
I've always admired the honorable deaths of the warriors of ancient times such as the Samurai, the Gladiators and the human sacrifices to the gods where the event was celebrated and cheered on by blood thirsty onlookers. The victim or participant looked forward to a good death without the needless suffering of old age and waste and was honored at being chosen. Die well my friends.
Why would I waste a "certain death" when I can, instead, fully participate in the planning of that death in a manner befitting those glorious men of honor and duty from days gone by? I look forward to both the planning and the final event equally, knowing that I decided the place, time, and manner of death by my own, still, capable hands.
Now, don't get me wrong. I don't want to die, but fate has already dealt me that hand much sooner than I anticipated and I can't stop it. I guess most of us want to live a full healthy life into our nineties and die in our sleep, but that is a rarity. Most people die from disease, after a long suffering illness. They linger, being cared for, no longer useful and often in pain for many weeks or months. That doesn't sound like a meaningful or satisfying death.
When the time comes and I'm still relatively healthy and able to carry out my plan, I'll do it myself with the knowledge that I gave death a good fight, not letting it control me, but by taking control as a last act of defiance.
Please tell me your thoughts on this as it has been on my mind for years, but now more important than ever.
