Just some thoughts that I need to share. So.. my situation is really complicated. My life became a horror. It became unbearable. Every day I struggle to the extend that I don't want to breath anymore. And fear, that eats me inside out. I couldn't even imagine that it's possible to suffer like that.
I'm a Christian, and this stupid question "why?" doesn't leave my brain.
I became disabled, I used to be beautiful and now my appearance is distorted... I can't leave my apartment... My parents don't leave me alone, however I'm 28. Last three months I thought that I have to be strong, because of my family, because of future. But everyday is worse than previous one. I pray, pray and pray. But it's no sense in it. This reality destroys me. It's so much pain that I can't overcome. I can't struggle anymore.
I've already prepared everything I need to go.. oh, the fear of unknown, thoughts about betraying my caring family, everything is fucking hurt. When I shared my thoughts to my dad, he said that I'm so selfish, that I don't care about them and my relatives, that I'll be in hell. And what if I care? What if I tried as much as I could. Everything in past 15 years. I feel it's enough for me. Enough for one person. Is it really a betrayal..?
I'm a Christian, and this stupid question "why?" doesn't leave my brain.
I became disabled, I used to be beautiful and now my appearance is distorted... I can't leave my apartment... My parents don't leave me alone, however I'm 28. Last three months I thought that I have to be strong, because of my family, because of future. But everyday is worse than previous one. I pray, pray and pray. But it's no sense in it. This reality destroys me. It's so much pain that I can't overcome. I can't struggle anymore.
I've already prepared everything I need to go.. oh, the fear of unknown, thoughts about betraying my caring family, everything is fucking hurt. When I shared my thoughts to my dad, he said that I'm so selfish, that I don't care about them and my relatives, that I'll be in hell. And what if I care? What if I tried as much as I could. Everything in past 15 years. I feel it's enough for me. Enough for one person. Is it really a betrayal..?
