highwaytoheaven
Member
- Aug 15, 2024
- 45
Dear God, I am writing this diary entry to vent and cry out to God. Why are you keeping me poor? Why did you curse my hair to not grow? I need a full face job, I need plastic surgery asap, in fact I just need a full head swap to be honest lol. Why can't I just win a large sum of money and be free finally and do what I want here on earth? It is extremely unfair to put us all here just to work as slaves and not have ANY OTHER OPTION OR ANY OTHER WAY OUT. It feels like a cruel entertainment show. Can you put me out my misery sooner than later? I'm bored with my life. Everything is grey. The weather here is absolutely... don't get me started on it. Also I am a waste. I need help . Every therapist has turned me away as well in the past. What a sick joke. I read the Bible but it doesn't make me feel lively or spiritually fed sometimes. I doubt whether its real sometimes and whether parts where taken out. The only times I've ever truly felt God has been on psychedelics, cos it gives you access to the spirit realm. All I want is to feel God's presence. Am I some addict to God? Am I co-dependent on God? God said we were meant to have a relationship with him, and that's why Jesus died for us, so where is my relationship? It seems pretty one sided to me, its always me reaching out to God and trying to make an effort, why doesn't God reach out to me? Also My apartment is tiny and depressing as well, barely any sunlight. The neighbour smokes crack and sometimes it floats into my place and I inhale it from the airwaves if im bored. lol... secondhand fumes. I'll never Get a husband because im ugly without makeup. I feel like a fraud. this neighbourhood is trash as well. I have several complaints. This is my version of filing a complaint to heaven. Also, can you sort out this corrupt world? I have been praying and fasting for other people and for the world but its pointless. Soon I won't have any choice but to fast and die because food is getting so fucking expensive. I feel lost but also I feel shame and guilt because as a believer you're meant to always be filled with the Holy Spirit and on cloud 10 but im telling you that im on cloud -100 right now. amen.
