Venting Dealing with the aftermath

[Dookieshoes]

Just posted about my buddy I lost recently, hoping that someone could point me toward an answer, and I'm just not finding anything.

This is weird. I've heard about people that I've crossed paths with that have taken their own lives. Until recently, I've not lost any of my closest friends, much less to suicide. It sucks. I feel so weird. In the morning I'm reminded that they're no longer in the same world, and it just hurts. I walk through the house and I'm remi ded of the time we spent in this room, or that room knowing that they'll never be there again. We shared so many laughs, and so many deep conversations in the back yard over drinks, staring at the sky.

Later in the day my grief succombs to anger. How could they? Why didn't they leave anything behind to explain, or to just say goodbye? Didn't I mean enough to warrant SOMETHING?

At the end of the day it turns to guilt. Why didn't I call them in Monday when they popped into my head? Why didn't I insist we get together the week before? Why didn't I check in more often during quarantine? I knew they were down, I should have done more.

Fuck. It hurts so bad. Tomorrow the cycle will repeat. I won't get answers. I won't hear that laugh. We won't crack wise. Jesus.

So long friend. I really hope you are at peace. I hope you know how much I care, how much I love you.

 

[ladolcemorte]

I think the best thing you can do is remember that your friend made a choice. You might not understand it, but you can respect it nonetheless.

When I go I don't plan on saying goodbye to anyone because that raises suspicion. There are very few people in my life who will care that I am gone, and all I want is for those few to know that I am finally at peace.

 

[rt1989526]

Nothing you could have done, no need to feel guilt. Your friends pain is over now.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

"We think: if only I had just… and … if only I hadn't… and I should have seen it coming. My darling, she left because she felt she needed to leave. Please allow her that agency, and take comfort in knowing you were a beloved member of her tribe while she was alive."

- Kate Bornstein, Hello Cruel World, a tribute to the author's friend who committed suicide

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

Really makes me wonder how those in my life will react to my suicide. Feeling the pain of losing a loved one – it brings you pause when you think about how others will deal with your own departure. It's been almost 13 years and I still haven't gotten over the loss of my best friend.

Remember, though, that our grief is ours. The pain they felt was relieved when they passed. Their suffering is over. They acted to end their suffering, not to transfer it to us. There is no blame, no fault. Yes, we should grieve, but we shouldn't let our own grief take precedence over the will of our friends. You talked about why didn't they leave a note, suggesting you might not have been important to them. We have no idea what was going through their heads in the final moments. We can't infer their thoughts, and we dishonor them to dwell on our own suffering.

My thoughts go out to you. I know this is a very difficult time.

 

[Dookieshoes]

Really makes me wonder how those in my life will react to my suicide. Feeling the pain of losing a loved one – it brings you pause when you think about how others will deal with your own departure. It's been almost 13 years and I still haven't gotten over the loss of my best friend.

Remember, though, that our grief is ours. The pain they felt was relieved when they passed. Their suffering is over. They acted to end their suffering, not to transfer it to us. There is no blame, no fault. Yes, we should grieve, but we shouldn't let our own grief take precedence over the will of our friends. You talked about why didn't they leave a note, suggesting you might not have been important to them. We have no idea what was going through their heads in the final moments. We can't infer their thoughts, and we dishonor them to dwell on our own suffering.

My thoughts go out to you. I know this is a very difficult time.

Thank you.

I guess it's just going to take time. I certainly don't want to minimize their experience/pain by focusing on my own, but I don't know how to turn that off. Call it empathy or selfishness, I just can't help but wish I could have done something to make life better for them, or to know that I succeeded. And with the finality of the situation, I'm lost in it.

Ill try to focus on the fact that they aren't hurting any longer, and try to gain some solace from it.

 

[LetzteAusfahrt]

Just posted about my buddy I lost recently, hoping that someone could point me toward an answer, and I'm just not finding anything.

This is weird. I've heard about people that I've crossed paths with that have taken their own lives. Until recently, I've not lost any of my closest friends, much less to suicide. It sucks. I feel so weird. In the morning I'm reminded that they're no longer in the same world, and it just hurts. I walk through the house and I'm remi ded of the time we spent in this room, or that room knowing that they'll never be there again. We shared so many laughs, and so many deep conversations in the back yard over drinks, staring at the sky.

Later in the day my grief succombs to anger. How could they? Why didn't they leave anything behind to explain, or to just say goodbye? Didn't I mean enough to warrant SOMETHING?

At the end of the day it turns to guilt. Why didn't I call them in Monday when they popped into my head? Why didn't I insist we get together the week before? Why didn't I check in more often during quarantine? I knew they were down, I should have done more.

Fuck. It hurts so bad. Tomorrow the cycle will repeat. I won't get answers. I won't hear that laugh. We won't crack wise. Jesus.

So long friend. I really hope you are at peace. I hope you know how much I care, how much I love you.

You shouldn't blame yourself.

This only makes sense if you were responsible for them.

In retrospect, you always know what you could have done differently, but when the decision is made, nobody knows. Nobody in this world. Neither can you be sure that it would have been better if you had done something differently.

I understand your thoughts very well, they make you sympathetic.

But you should try to understand that there is nothing you can do to change these thoughts about the past.

Imagine your friend is on a journey now and you will follow him later. That is exactly the situation now. Would you then also have these thoughts?

No!