Discussion Dealing with relatives and friends?

[peacepursuit23]

I know this is one of the topics that get discussed quite often, however I havent found any advice that really helped me.
And since this is my first post, I apologize for any rule I might have broken, still getting used to things.

So I am about to drop off college after my 1st semester, as I fell into a depressive episode again and realized I wasnt passionate about what I was doing at all and what I would be able to do with my major. Im completely lost, no energy or will to continue like this, no ambition or whatever, most of my 'friends' all moved on without giving two fucks or even actively despise me now. I am in therapy and while it does help somewhat, I dont think I'll make it to the end of the year unharmed. And I think thats not necessarily a bad thing - my only problem is my relatives and friends. I know it might sound hypocritical that I'd care for my friends when most of them moved on, but I just cant shake off the feeling of guilt and not wanting to burden them. As for my family well, I dont really have a bad relationship with any of them, which is what makes it even harder to deal with the guilt. I cant bear the thought of having my mother / brother find my dead body someday - even if it's what I want. I was thinking of maybe faking an accident or something but, as SN is my preferred method, I dont think that it may be possible.

Does anyone have any advice, or is perhaps in a similar predicament and might be willing to share his/her thoughts? Cheers

 

[charli212121]

I don't really have advice I am afraid, just wanted to say I read this and am almost in the exact same situation.

I am in the UK though so university, not college, and I was doing a degree I had no passion for. I dropped out after one semester in first year. Trying to change but they won't let me. Lost all ambition as well. I have a good relationship with my family as well, that is the issue. And I have an elderly father, so if it CTB my mum will be left by herself.

 

[peacepursuit23]

I don't really have advice I am afraid, just wanted to say I read this and am almost in the exact same situation.

I am in the UK though so university, not college, and I was doing a degree I had no passion for. I dropped out after one semester in first year. Trying to change but they won't let me. Lost all ambition as well. I have a good relationship with my family as well, that is the issue. And I have an elderly father, so if it CTB my mum will be left by herself.

Very sorry to hear that. Well, Im not in College either, rather University but I thought College would be a more common term to use here. What was your major, if you dont mind sharing? I was in Political Science (mainly because I wanted to help people and had good grades in school), but nearly everyday I felt like a walking corpse in Uni and now that the Semester is over, I tried to change things but I am utterly hopeless that it will change anything. I dont have anything to grab onto, and it wont get any better either.

I recommend giving therapy at least a try (Admittedly, probably the most overused phrase I've heard in the last months). Thats at least what I was going for, as I at least wanted to try getting myself out of the misery so that my family doesnt need to suffer in vain.
But I truly understand that everythings really fucking depressing when you dont have anything to live for. I hope that you'll make it out of here, I havent completely given up yet too.

 

[bambie200]

I'm was a really similar situation. I had to drop out of trade school after a month due to circumstances out of my control.

I ended up working shitty warehouse /construction jobs for the next 2.5 years lol.
It took me some time just living day to day to figure out what next steps I wanted to take in my life.

Just because you're closing one door by dropping out of college doesn't mean its all over. If I were you I would spend some time out of college and just feel it out.
Regardless of what you end up deciding to do, good luck!