Help dealing with fear of failure/surviving

[lkjhgfdsa1]

i am almost done with my preparations for ctb
i studied the methods, made my choices, found a place, ordered the recommended products, practiced~
it is almost time for my final show now
all that there is left for me is to wait for the right moment
i do not think there is ever a "right" moment,
but i mean that i need to be sure that i will not be found for some hours at least
so that is just a matter of time

however, i keep feeling really scared and it is not going away
i am so scared that i will not be succsesful

continuing this life is not an option.
i really cannot. i want it to end. this life is too hard for me.
however, no matter what i tell myself, no matter how many times i tell myself it's not going to get better,
i cannot stop the fear... the fear that i will survive and create even greater problems

i want to die because i do not want to live this life
i cannot deal with the consequences of failing to die ...

how can i overcome my fear?
i prepare everything and try not to act on impulse to minimize my risk of surviving ...
but i do not know what else i can do...

is there anyone that has a similar experience/feelings and how do you deal with them?

 

[DeIetedUser4739]

I feel exactly the same and atm I'm trying to do other stuff I I used to do like watching tv/netflix/youtube, listening to music etc to take my mind off it.

The more I think about it the less confident I get. It's like I psyche myself out somehow and it's really sad because I was looking forward to dying just a couple months ago.

Too bad I didn't have a peaceful method available back then.

 

[lkjhgfdsa1]

I feel exactly the same and atm I'm trying to do other stuff I I used to do like watching tv/netflix/youtube, listening to music etc to take my mind off it.

The more I think about it the less confident I get. It's like I psyche myself out somehow and it's really sad because I was looking forward to dying just a couple months ago.

Too bad I didn't have a peaceful method available back then.

before, i was like you
but many things have changed for me
i cannot get myself to listen to any music, watch any show, or distract myself anymore
all i can think about is how to end this suffering
so ny situation is pretty dire
no method is perfect, but i have my method ready
the only thing that is holding me back rn is fear

 

[wsx-rt]

I have similar feelings, I'm afraid too

 

[itsover246]

I feel exactly the same and atm I'm trying to do other stuff I I used to do like watching tv/netflix/youtube, listening to music etc to take my mind off it.

The more I think about it the less confident I get. It's like I psyche myself out somehow and it's really sad because I was looking forward to dying just a couple months ago.

Too bad I didn't have a peaceful method available back then.

Hey man are you here because your minds been fried by psychiatric drugs to invega is a antipsychotic isn't it?

 

[DeIetedUser4739]

Hey man are you here because your minds been fried by psychiatric drugs to invega is a antipsychotic isn't it?

Yeah, I just lost interest in everything including life itself, I never really got better at all even 7 months after stopping it.

 

[RemainingDubious]

i cannot get myself to listen to any music, watch any show, or distract myself anymore
all i can think about is how to end this suffering

i can completely relate

the only thing that is holding me back rn is fear

A lack of resources is the only thing holding me back at the moment. Time seems to be at a standstill while i wait impatiently for a delivery.

i hate the thought of somehow surviving. i did want to use multiple methods to ensure it would result in me ceasing to exist but that doesn't seem possible.

 

[lkjhgfdsa1]

i can completely relate


A lack of resources is the only thing holding me back at the moment. Time seems to be at a standstill while i wait impatiently for a delivery.

i hate the thought of somehow surviving. i did want to use multiple methods to ensure it would result in me ceasing to exist but that doesn't seem possible.

i used to care so much about what music i listened to, what art i liked, what my fashion taste is, but everything has become so meaningless.
i now realized it all did not matter at all... so i cannot get myself to look at anything anymore, it is a reminder of the life i lost and cannot get back.

what kind delivery are you waiting for?

 

[RemainingDubious]

i used to care so much about what music i listened to, what art i liked, what my fashion taste is, but everything has become so meaningless.
i now realized it all did not matter at all... so i cannot get myself to look at anything anymore,

Music once gave my life "meaning."
i realised that the only real time i was anywhere near being "ok" was when listening to music, playing a game, watching something, etc. They're all forms of escapism which raised the question: What good is an existence that i constantly want/need to find an escape from?

Now i struggle to do anything.

what kind delivery are you waiting for?

S/N, it seems to be the only thing i can get which is likely to put me out of my misery.

 

[lkjhgfdsa1]

Music once gave my life "meaning."
i realised that the only real time i was anywhere near being "ok" was when listening to music, playing a game, watching something, etc. They're all forms of escapism which raised the question: What good is an existence that i constantly want/need to find an escape from?

Now i struggle to do anything.


S/N, it seems to be the only thing i can get which is likely to put me out of my misery.

You're right
I'm really understand your feelings
I was and I still am constantly looking for ways to escape
but now I really want to disappear from this world

 

[RemainingDubious]

You're right
I'm really understand your feelings
I was and I still am constantly looking for ways to escape
but now I really want to disappear from this world

It sounds like you're at a similar place i am mentally There's no enjoyment to be found. Have you become pretty much indifferent to everything?

It's currently 14:54 here and i still have no motivation to get out of bed as i see no reason to

The only thing i want to do is sleep eternally.

 

[cosmic_traveler]

i am almost done with my preparations for ctb
i studied the methods, made my choices, found a place, ordered the recommended products, practiced~
it is almost time for my final show now
all that there is left for me is to wait for the right moment
i do not think there is ever a "right" moment,
but i mean that i need to be sure that i will not be found for some hours at least
so that is just a matter of time

however, i keep feeling really scared and it is not going away
i am so scared that i will not be succsesful

continuing this life is not an option.
i really cannot. i want it to end. this life is too hard for me.
however, no matter what i tell myself, no matter how many times i tell myself it's not going to get better,
i cannot stop the fear... the fear that i will survive and create even greater problems

i want to die because i do not want to live this life
i cannot deal with the consequences of failing to die ...

how can i overcome my fear?
i prepare everything and try not to act on impulse to minimize my risk of surviving ...
but i do not know what else i can do...

is there anyone that has a similar experience/feelings and how do you deal with them?

Before every attempt we've made we meditated.

Breathe in (filling lungs to capacity) "I am not this body"
Breathe out (quickly empty lungs) "I am not even this mind"

Do this 30 reps. Around the 25th rep you should start feeling light headed. After the 30th, you'll notice that you don't have any urge to take another breath. Your blood will be super oxygenated so your brain doesn't kick in the reflex to take another breath.

When done correctly, you'll be able to sit/lay there for several moments with a tingling sensation throughout your body. It won't even feel like a body, more like a vessel you're piloting.

Hope this helps, if not we hope you find something that does. Be well on your journey.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'd also fear trying to die going wrong and leading to way worse suffering, I find it horrific how such could happen. It's just extreme cruelty to me how people cannot just have the option to die in a peaceful with no risks or complications, people really shouldn't have to struggle to leave this existence. But anyway best wishes, I hope that you eventually find the peace you search for.

 

[lkjhgfdsa1]

Before every attempt we've made we meditated.

Breathe in (filling lungs to capacity) "I am not this body"
Breathe out (quickly empty lungs) "I am not even this mind"

Do this 30 reps. Around the 25th rep you should start feeling light headed. After the 30th, you'll notice that you don't have any urge to take another breath. Your blood will be super oxygenated so your brain doesn't kick in the reflex to take another breath.

When done correctly, you'll be able to sit/lay there for several moments with a tingling sensation throughout your body. It won't even feel like a body, more like a vessel you're piloting.

Hope this helps, if not we hope you find something that does. Be well on your journey.

When I do it, I will try this. Thank you a lot.