Discussion Dating + being suicidal

[patheticpartner]

You probably already know this, but if you do opt to date, I highly recommend NOT revealing that you're suicidal no matter how long and how secure your relationship becomes. Especially if they are mentally ill. I learned this the hard way.

My "ex" felt trapped, as if I was going to commit suicide if we ever broke up. He has OCD which amplifies his guilt and guilt-avoidance, so he faked loving me for the majority of our relationship, and broke my heart once he was able to get over his OCD guilt. I really wish he didn't wait a year to break up with me. So much heartache and wasted time.

It's really annoying to think about too, because I would've NEVER ctb over a failed relationship, and he knew that, but I guess his OCD fear made him stay. And probably the sex, but he denies the fact that he used me for sex. Sorry for venting lol but it feels too good

 

[Sakura94]

My sentiments exactly!!

We should take whatever happiness we have left. I think a good person would understand that.

 

[woknows]

But I guess that your statement shall be taken as a fact? I respect your view and experience, but at the same time, views and experiences of other people shall be respected too.
BTW got the same experience as you - the girl that changed my feelings. But sadly just temporarily, you can't run away from yourself.

Have I said that? BTW. Your statement validates what I had said. Of course, you can use the energy to change yourself or not. It is up to you.

 

[BlackPoppet]

We should take whatever happiness we have left. I think a good person would understand that.

Very true

 

[Lostandlooking]

It's a tough question. I certainly wouldn't seek out a new relationship now if I were single. I'm in a situation where I see my boyfriend once or twice a month and it's been like that for years. I've always kept him at a distance because I'm not fit to live with someone, I know that from experience. I'm just very lucky that he understands. I'm very slow to attach myself to someone, so I need someone with a lot of patience. It would hurt him very much if I ended my life. When I'm at my lowest nothing matters anymore and I'm not bothered by leaving him behind (I'm sorry to say) But when I'm doing a bit better it's certainly a reason to hang on, keep trying to get better. Being with him is one of the few things I enjoy in this life. A relationship can be great, but you have to find a good match. And that's really difficult. Expectations are so difficult to manage sometimes as well.

 

[Ghost2211]

Yes, I feel one should keep living while alive, and not close doors to potential happiness. How we feel about ctb can change a lot each day or with each life event, and it's not reasonable to condemn ourselves to loneliness if we have the option not to. Being loved and valued would help me a lot, so I would for sure still date.

 

[Nodscene]

Dang I need to put myself out there more!

I consider myself relatively good looking, girls usually rate me 8/10, and I'd agree to be with a similar girl in a heartbeat. I'd probably be in a relationship now but I have no job and no money and don't plan to anytime soon. I'd be a good househusband though! ;)

Haha, you and me both. I'd consider myself close enough to an 8 but where I live the choice of women are slim to none.

 

[262653]

You probably already know this, but if you do opt to date, I highly recommend NOT revealing that you're suicidal no matter how long and how secure your relationship becomes. Especially if they are mentally ill. I learned this the hard way.

Suicidality is something I would want to set straight right away. I hold the view that my life is overall not worth experiencing and I'm planning to trash my life at some point of my experience. Fuck. I'm struggling with words so I'll say how I can. Difference in core values produces huge difference in overall outlook, interests, attitudes, behaviors. Such a serious difference in the evaluation of life (good-bad spectrum) makes me incompatible with the vast majority of people. I'm also not a big fan of lying in close relationships for the purpose of gaining one-sided benefits. Because of this, I don't want to hide my suicidality and negative disposition towards life.

 

[Itsjustme21]

Just make sure she knows before things get serious. That way she can choose for herself.

 

[woknows]

I mean. most people do not really care if you find some happiness or not. You will have to take it for yourself.

Just make sure she knows before things get serious. That way she can choose for herself.

Very good advice if you want to ruin any chance of making it work.

 

[grungeCat]

If I was you then I would definitely go for it. IIn my opinion it's an oppourtinity to change your state.

 

[Itsjustme21]

I mean. most people do not really care if you find some happiness or not. You will have to take it for yourself.


Very good advice if you want to ruin any chance of making it work.

It's actually the only way to make it work. How well do you think a relationship will go if you can't even be honest with your partner. She needs to be able to make a choice. A lot of people don't want someone that is suicidal and depressed, and for good reasons.

 

[Tired_Tired]

As a normal human beings, I will enjoy the life until the last moment if possible. You may change your mind when you found happiness. As long as you don't physically hurt her, I don't think you should reject. We all will die one day, but we don't know who first. You will have similar question again. Just seized the day and enjoyed the life. Someone wants CTB because they don't have love one.

 

[Wrennie]

Exactly!!! I agree with you! The thing is that I'm so confused that I don't know whether I will ctb or not soon!
Damn, I hate feeling like this!

Maybe she'll make you happy enough that you no longer feel like CTBing? (One can dream).
A win-win.

 

[patheticpartner]

Suicidality is something I would want to set straight right away. I hold the view that my life is overall not worth experiencing and I'm planning to trash my life at some point of my experience. Fuck. I'm struggling with words so I'll say how I can. Difference in core values produces huge difference in overall outlook, interests, attitudes, behaviors. Such a serious difference in the evaluation of life (good-bad spectrum) makes me incompatible with the vast majority of people. I'm also not a big fan of lying in close relationships for the purpose of gaining one-sided benefits. Because of this, I don't want to hide my suicidality and negative disposition towards life.

I completely agree with your sentiment, and I wish we didn't have to hide the negative parts of ourselves. I just had a really unlucky experience with making my suicidality known before a relationship even began. Some may take advantage if such vulnerabilities are expressed.

 

[BandAddict]

Well, I have dated once while suicidal, but I ended it before I got really bad. That was a long time ago, though. I connected with someone long distance a little over a year ago, and was suicidal as hell for most of it, but really enjoyed the connection. Later on, things didn't feel right, so I moved on from that as well.

I think I learned that I personally shouldn't connect with anyone anymore. I suck at commitments anyway, and wouldn't want to subject anyone to the possibility of me choosing to CTB.

That being said, I can only really speak for myself. If anything, I believe the other person should know that it's something to consider, so there are no surprises. Good luck to you, whatever your decision is.

I completely agree with your sentiment, and I wish we didn't have to hide the negative parts of ourselves. I just had a really unlucky experience with making my suicidality known before a relationship even began. Some may take advantage if such vulnerabilities are expressed.

Oooh, very good point. Something else to think about.

 

[262653]

I completely agree with your sentiment, and I wish we didn't have to hide the negative parts of ourselves. I just had a really unlucky experience with making my suicidality known before a relationship even began. Some may take advantage if such vulnerabilities are expressed.

I think it's worth noting that I've only considered making online connections with people, and so far only on suicide-related platforms. I don't know how I would feel about disclosing my views to someone IRL. That is indeed a vulnerability to be exploited. I don't think I'll ever consider RL partnerships. Physical proximity can be good but I'm not sure if the risks are worth it.

I too wish that we didn't have to hide the downsides. Less pretending --> more similarity between the image of me in the eyes of others and "real" me, and if someone likes that image, it would be a better representation of me. Ideally, if everyone does that, then maybe on average the intimate partnerships would consist of more compatible people. There are some problems, of course. "Real" image might be more socially unacceptable, repugnant, despicable, and such. It might attract less people and give people the weaknesses to exploit. It makes sense to wear some armor, to wear a mask, but it better be a comfortable mask so one doesn't get smothered.

 

[Lost Magic]

I have thought about it and been offered to meet up women within the last couple of years but I couldn't go through with meeting them. My depression and suicidal tendencies are just too strong. There is no way I would be able to emotionally cope, so I had to be honest and open with them. Sometimes you just know (in my case anyway) that despite being lonely, there is no other way.

 

[lucacaro]

If you're not actually invested in the person you have the chance to date then I don't see a point. But dating someone you really love could have the chance of turning your whole life around. I think I could live for someone if they loved me like I love them.

 

[WornOutLife]

dating someone you really love could have the chance of turning your whole life around. I think I could live for someone if they loved me like I love them.

Yes, it could certainly be amazing.
I mean, love is the strongest drug and emotion I've ever experienced!
You can be in hell or heaven INSTANTLY! lol