DAE self harm to quell CTB thoughts

[DesolateSouls]

For the past year roughly, I have been so completely consumed by CTB thoughts as well as a bunch of shitty things happening in my life, cutting myself has been my only way to cope. I've done it before but this stretch of time has left an absurd amount of scars on my thighs. I am a fucking 27 year old man by the way, not a teenage girl seeking attention (like people will label you as if they find out you self harm).

I have no true close friends and no partner; hence I have absolutely no one to go to for any kind of intimate emotional connection/relation-an essential part of the human experience. Cutting is genuinely like a friend/lover for me; the only thing that's truly there for me when no one else is unconditionally. The feeling of blood trickling down my leg is like a warm embrace. The pain feels GOOD. CTB is the ultimate goal tho, the only thing that will bring genuine peace. SH is just a precursor to it for me.

 

[MrDarkness]

I agree, feeling the blood makes me remember who I really am, tho I self harm for punishment and shame

 

[cicadafriend]

In the same boat except I've had to stop for a while now that it's summer- I miss it. Dermatillomania kind of works the same for me. Both are soooo soothing in a way that people that don't experience it won't understand. I think it kind of does a good job of replacing the feeling of physical affection, maybe because it's on the skin

 

[TheHuman]

I'm glad you've been able to find a good way to deal with the suffering of life, hope that when you do find a method you will be able to find peace.

 

[DesolateSouls]

I agree, feeling the blood makes me remember who I really am, tho I self harm for punishment and shame

I do it for that reason too, I actually just got done slashing my legs tonight for failing a linear algebra quiz.

I'm glad you've been able to find a good way to deal with the suffering of life, hope that when you do find a method you will be able to find peace.

Thank you, I do look forward to finding peace through CTB. I think I may have found the method I'm going to use; carbon monoxide poisoning via charcoal. a method that, for some reason, I am just finding out about and it seems like a great way to go that will be peaceful without having to overcome SI. I truly hope you find peace as well, whether that be through CTB or anything else.

In the same boat except I've had to stop for a while now that it's summer- I miss it. Dermatillomania kind of works the same for me. Both are soooo soothing in a way that people that don't experience it won't understand. I think it kind of does a good job of replacing the feeling of physical affection, maybe because it's on the skin

How come you had to stop? And yeah that's a good theory, we may be tricking our bodies into thinking we are receiving affection from another person or something

 

[MrDarkness]

I do it for that reason too, I actually just got done slashing my legs tonight for failing a linear algebra quiz.

Thank you, I do look forward to finding peace through CTB. I think I may have found the method I'm going to use; carbon monoxide poisoning via charcoal. a method that, for some reason, I am just finding out about and it seems like a great way to go that will be peaceful without having to overcome SI. I truly hope you find peace as well, whether that be through CTB or anything else.

How come you had to stop? And yeah that's a good theory, we may be tricking our bodies into thinking we are receiving affection from another person or something

Yeah every time I failed a math test I went home and slashed my chest or if I felt feelings of love

 

[cicadafriend]

How come you had to stop? And yeah that's a good theory, we may be tricking our bodies into thinking we are receiving affection from another person or something

it's getting to be too hot to wear jeans and long sleeves that would usually cover it up, especially since my job is a little physically demanding. Plus if I get caught cutting again I'd probably get sent back to the hospital so I'm just gonna stick with the obsessive skin picking and say I have bug bites lol