
TheHatedOne
Death is salvation
- Sep 26, 2021
- 2,028
sorry to keep posting, i feel like venting more than usual. I wonder if there's anyone else who's too drained to give a fuck about stuff anymore. Because of this I need to withdraw in order to protect myself. I don't know how to describe this state, maybe my situation will give a better idea:
A first example would be relationships. I can't be bothered forming another friendship since I don't have what it takes for that anymore. I feel that actually relationships made me like this in the first place. Or mostly. I don't have what it takes to be insulted again, to be used, hurt and then discarded by selfish humans who lure you in and then they manifest their sickest desires on you. (There were only two exceptions regarding this). I can't. I'm done with this bullshit. Last two experiences, especially with the one who name called me and told me to go kill myself was enough. I'm not going to let myself be trampled on like that ever again. Appearances always deceive, it's the main lesson I have learnt throughout life. Humans took out the little bit of light I had in me. I can't be bothered investing my time in them anymore. I don't have the energy. Can't.
Then it's my awful life itself. I don't have the energy anymore to be a ''functional'' member of society or follow the life script (in education only) even a bit. I don't have the energy to ''better'' myself. No energy to be productive. I'm all drained and used up to worry about ''what will I do?'' career and education wise.
Even something simple as doing a chore makes me feel like breaking down and after I complete it, I crash on the bed or couch and sit for another hour because I'm too drained.
I'm too drained to even think about me being unlikable and ugly. I don't give a shit anymore.
I'm too drained to eat, shit, piss, shower, dress up, put shoes on, clean and everything. All in all I have no energy left to keep existing. Even as I type this I feel my whole body fatigued. Also mentally and emotionally fatigued. I'm very sorry if my messages seem distant and not much put effort into, I really struggle with this and I try my best. I'm a ruin nowadays.
I'm also very sorry for this trash post, I feel like I didn't even explain well...
A first example would be relationships. I can't be bothered forming another friendship since I don't have what it takes for that anymore. I feel that actually relationships made me like this in the first place. Or mostly. I don't have what it takes to be insulted again, to be used, hurt and then discarded by selfish humans who lure you in and then they manifest their sickest desires on you. (There were only two exceptions regarding this). I can't. I'm done with this bullshit. Last two experiences, especially with the one who name called me and told me to go kill myself was enough. I'm not going to let myself be trampled on like that ever again. Appearances always deceive, it's the main lesson I have learnt throughout life. Humans took out the little bit of light I had in me. I can't be bothered investing my time in them anymore. I don't have the energy. Can't.
Then it's my awful life itself. I don't have the energy anymore to be a ''functional'' member of society or follow the life script (in education only) even a bit. I don't have the energy to ''better'' myself. No energy to be productive. I'm all drained and used up to worry about ''what will I do?'' career and education wise.
Even something simple as doing a chore makes me feel like breaking down and after I complete it, I crash on the bed or couch and sit for another hour because I'm too drained.
I'm too drained to even think about me being unlikable and ugly. I don't give a shit anymore.
I'm too drained to eat, shit, piss, shower, dress up, put shoes on, clean and everything. All in all I have no energy left to keep existing. Even as I type this I feel my whole body fatigued. Also mentally and emotionally fatigued. I'm very sorry if my messages seem distant and not much put effort into, I really struggle with this and I try my best. I'm a ruin nowadays.
I'm also very sorry for this trash post, I feel like I didn't even explain well...