He did a complete 180 and it took me so off guard. He's always yelled a lot and he gets angry very easily, and he was drunk so that played a part in it too but still I don't think he's ever done this.
Basically I was cleaning the house and before that I helped him with some other work (we live in a household where there's a lot of work to do because we grow crops and have some animals and stuff) and he thanked me for helping him and went as far as to say that he would have a very hard time if it weren't for me.
I don't mean to flatter myself or anything but I'd say this is true because I'm pretty much the only one who helps him bc my mom and him don't get along so she doesn't want to help him and my brothers don't really have to do anything but they're employed and I'm not yet so I understand. I would never have thought that he would acknowledge this, though, let alone say it to me, especially because he appreciates me less because I'm a woman.
I was stupid enough to believe that him being nice to me is a real thing that could happen. I even felt bashful at the thought of being appreciated so I guess when I thanked him and said it wasn't a problem it didn't come out loud and clear enough because he immediately said I need to work on my speech. He complains about this pretty often because I tend to speak quietly and he's getting old so his hearing is probably worsening but still I immediately regretted saying anything because I knew it would turn into another session of him yelling and putting me down. He always does this when he's drunk (sometimes when he's sober too but whatever) and I felt so stupid for thinking it wouldn't happen again.
I don't really remember what he was saying, I just nodded and agreed and then he said something like if you're studying languages (bc I study English and Croatian in college) you should at least know how to talk properly and I said I obviously talk differently in a formal setting and he started yelling, getting angry over nothing as always, saying my college is useless and I'm useless and I'll never get anywhere in life, as always. Mind you he's telling me this now but when I was still choosing a college he didn't say a word. Also I'm only on my first year of college ffs let me breathe.
This wouldn't really affect me otherwise because he does it so often, but what got me this time was that moment of what I foolishly thought was genuine gratitude and kindness. I'm so incredibly, unbelievably stupid for thinking anything positive could come out of being around him. And I thought that if I stay all compliant and always do what I'm told I'll avoid conflict and everything will be ok but I kept being proven otherwise so I'm just letting myself be controlled for nothing. I'm so better of dead.
Also, I believe in the law of assumption and manifestation, take that as you will, I know not everyone believes in that but I do, and I recently started trying to manifest a healthy family and this is the second time it backfired I'm so done my only coping mechanism isn't even working lmaoo
Basically I was cleaning the house and before that I helped him with some other work (we live in a household where there's a lot of work to do because we grow crops and have some animals and stuff) and he thanked me for helping him and went as far as to say that he would have a very hard time if it weren't for me.
I don't mean to flatter myself or anything but I'd say this is true because I'm pretty much the only one who helps him bc my mom and him don't get along so she doesn't want to help him and my brothers don't really have to do anything but they're employed and I'm not yet so I understand. I would never have thought that he would acknowledge this, though, let alone say it to me, especially because he appreciates me less because I'm a woman.
I was stupid enough to believe that him being nice to me is a real thing that could happen. I even felt bashful at the thought of being appreciated so I guess when I thanked him and said it wasn't a problem it didn't come out loud and clear enough because he immediately said I need to work on my speech. He complains about this pretty often because I tend to speak quietly and he's getting old so his hearing is probably worsening but still I immediately regretted saying anything because I knew it would turn into another session of him yelling and putting me down. He always does this when he's drunk (sometimes when he's sober too but whatever) and I felt so stupid for thinking it wouldn't happen again.
I don't really remember what he was saying, I just nodded and agreed and then he said something like if you're studying languages (bc I study English and Croatian in college) you should at least know how to talk properly and I said I obviously talk differently in a formal setting and he started yelling, getting angry over nothing as always, saying my college is useless and I'm useless and I'll never get anywhere in life, as always. Mind you he's telling me this now but when I was still choosing a college he didn't say a word. Also I'm only on my first year of college ffs let me breathe.
This wouldn't really affect me otherwise because he does it so often, but what got me this time was that moment of what I foolishly thought was genuine gratitude and kindness. I'm so incredibly, unbelievably stupid for thinking anything positive could come out of being around him. And I thought that if I stay all compliant and always do what I'm told I'll avoid conflict and everything will be ok but I kept being proven otherwise so I'm just letting myself be controlled for nothing. I'm so better of dead.
Also, I believe in the law of assumption and manifestation, take that as you will, I know not everyone believes in that but I do, and I recently started trying to manifest a healthy family and this is the second time it backfired I'm so done my only coping mechanism isn't even working lmaoo
