Story "Cure" against depression

[martha]

So after 3 months of utterly depression family noticed that I am not my "usual self" and decided to heave old martha on a "spring break" and booked a flight and residence.
yeaaa, yippie.

This is how "normal" people react to depression I suppose.
They do not want to see you suffer and they have this naggy feeling of guilt , when they are with you, so they want to force you back into happiness
Love them and unfortunately makes me feel worse than ever.
Talking from experience: my mother suffered from bipolar disorder and passed at the age of 49, and before that ,my dad and I just tried anything to help her.

Depression is all about guilt and the inability of feeling anything anyway anyhow. It is turning your feelings into concrete and utterly numbs you.

This is why you , my dears on this site have become so important to me. Thank you, that I found you.

No tabooing. Open talk. Showing understanding.

Plus size thanks to some really special people here, you give me so much comfort in my bad moments and inspirations in my good ones.
Thanks to the admins and mods who make this place possible.

So I look at this enormous bunch of roses and this flight ticket on my breakfast table with mixed emotions.
It will be a five star resort luxury style in a sunny country.( I love rain)
I´d preferred to ship suicide boat, travel to Netherlands, Nottingham, Nirwana wherever.
Now I will have beach, sun, spa and service and all those over-glad snobs around me delighted to relax from their uninteresting manager jobs.
Extra plus family.
I will have to dress up and make up (in the word´s worst meaning)

Suppose, I will read, write, walk a lot and stare at the Mediterranean.


(at least a break of my therapist. he drives me nuts recently, hihi.)
Clasping a prescription block in his paws already when I put my foot into his practice. His way of trying to make me happy.
Well his sort of "altenative ressort" would be a lovely private clinic at Lakeside with lots of friendly staff and little outdoor action.

 

[Macc Lad]

So after 3 months of utterly depression family noticed that I am not my "usual self" and decided to heave old martha on a "spring break" and booked a flight and residence.
yeaaa, yippie.

This is how "normal" people react to depression I suppose.
They do not want to see you suffer and they have this naggy feeling of guilt , when they are with you, so they want to force you back into happiness
Love them and unfortunately makes me feel worse than ever.
Talking from experience: my mother suffered from bipolar disorder and passed at the age of 49, and before that ,my dad and I just tried anything to help her.

Depression is all about guilt and the inability of feeling anything anyway anyhow. It is turning your feelings into concrete and utterly numbs you.

This is why you , my dears on this site have become so important to me. Thank you, that I found you.

No tabooing. Open talk. Showing understanding.

Plus size thanks to some really special people here, you give me so much comfort in my bad moments and inspirations in my good ones.
Thanks to the admins and mods who make this place possible.

So I look at this enormous bunch of roses and this flight ticket on my breakfast table with mixed emotions.
It will be a five star resort luxury style in a sunny country.( I love rain)
I´d preferred to ship suicide boat, travel to Netherlands, Nottingham, Nirwana wherever.
Now I will have beach, sun, spa and service and all those over-glad snobs around me delighted to relax from their uninteresting manager jobs.
Extra plus family.
I will have to dress up and make up (in the word´s worst meaning)

Suppose, I will read, write, walk a lot and stare at the Mediterranean.


(at least a break of my therapist. he drives me nuts recently, hihi.)
Clasping a prescription block in his paws already when I put my foot into his practice. His way of trying to make me happy.
Well his sort of "altenative ressort" would be a lovely private clinic at Lakeside with lots of friendly staff and little outdoor action.

We're always here for you x

"Suppose, I will read, write, walk a lot and stare at the Mediterranean" ........sounds quite nice , can i come!!

 

[Apostle]

I was on a vacation with family recently myself. It was technically a really nice trip but was very hard to appreciate or enjoy in the state I'm in, so I get what you mean.

Sadly, even a retreat isn't much of a retreat when you're depressed. I hope you can at least find some genuine moments of peace, solitude and enjoyment on your trip, and some personal space without too much pressure from your family to act like everything's suddenly okay. Either way, as Macc said, you have us.

 

[Divine Trinity]

So after 3 months of utterly depression family noticed that I am not my "usual self" and decided to heave old martha on a "spring break" and booked a flight and residence.
yeaaa, yippie.

This is how "normal" people react to depression I suppose.
They do not want to see you suffer and they have this naggy feeling of guilt , when they are with you, so they want to force you back into happiness
Love them and unfortunately makes me feel worse than ever.
Talking from experience: my mother suffered from bipolar disorder and passed at the age of 49, and before that ,my dad and I just tried anything to help her.

Depression is all about guilt and the inability of feeling anything anyway anyhow. It is turning your feelings into concrete and utterly numbs you.

This is why you , my dears on this site have become so important to me. Thank you, that I found you.

No tabooing. Open talk. Showing understanding.

Plus size thanks to some really special people here, you give me so much comfort in my bad moments and inspirations in my good ones.
Thanks to the admins and mods who make this place possible.

So I look at this enormous bunch of roses and this flight ticket on my breakfast table with mixed emotions.
It will be a five star resort luxury style in a sunny country.( I love rain)
I´d preferred to ship suicide boat, travel to Netherlands, Nottingham, Nirwana wherever.
Now I will have beach, sun, spa and service and all those over-glad snobs around me delighted to relax from their uninteresting manager jobs.
Extra plus family.
I will have to dress up and make up (in the word´s worst meaning)

Suppose, I will read, write, walk a lot and stare at the Mediterranean.


(at least a break of my therapist. he drives me nuts recently, hihi.)
Clasping a prescription block in his paws already when I put my foot into his practice. His way of trying to make me happy.
Well his sort of "altenative ressort" would be a lovely private clinic at Lakeside with lots of friendly staff and little outdoor action.

My family tried tricking me into enlistment, screaming, assault, a plethora of insults and expressions of disgust and contempt, then scratched their heads, shrugged their shoulders, and threw me on the streets...

 

[Cevapcici]

I'd give anything to have a family who books me trips abroad in sunny countries, I think it's the case for a lot of people here.

Maybe you should consider looking at it from different lenses, and try to enjoy your vacation , even if it's not your preferred destination, since it's a gift. Maybe you'll make interesting and enriching encoutrers,if you detach from your negative expectations " snobs", "managers", ect...

 

[martha]

I'd give anything to have a family who books me trips abroad in sunny countries, I think it's the case for a lot of people here......
......if you detach from your negative expectations " snobs", "managers", ect...

Thanks for your comment, you are very right in many aspects.
I know, that I am privileged, though it does not help my sadness unfortunately.
Seeing things in a negative way is part of it.
And believe me: about those kind of people I have profound experience , I´ve met them daily in my job.
I have to deal with them though and imo there is far too many of them around.

 

[Cevapcici]

Thanks for your comment, you are very right in many aspects.
I know, that I am privileged, though it does not help my sadness unfortunately.
Seeing things in a negative way is part of it.
And believe me: about those kind of people I have profound experience , I´ve met them daily in my job.
I have to deal with them though and imo there is far too many of them around.

The aim of my post was not in any means political proselytism or a hint to make you feel bad about "your socio-economical privilege", but a suggestion to look at your situation from a logical standpoint, which I know can be hard with high functioning depression : situational vs. "chemical" depression. I'm sorry to hear about your tough past, but unlike some you don't live in the consequence of your past (ex: poverty because job perspectives sabotaged by narcissistic parents ). I know corporate life is full of sharks, but trust me it's still another class of misery compared to being stuck in the hood, job wise and social life wise - people are skarky and mean to the mentally weak no matter the socio-economical circumstances.

From a strictly observable and objective standpoint, you're still going on a free of charge vacation, away from your day to day misery, and will be anonymous to those who you'll meet at your destination ! You can even lie about who you are without anyone noticing !

I wish you enjoy your vacation to the fullest.

 

[martha]

We're always here for you x

"Suppose, I will read, write, walk a lot and stare at the Mediterranean" ........sounds quite nice , can i come!!

Invited!!
Plane leaves on Tuesday.
Wish I had you around, it´s pretty nice there, you would like it.
We ´d have a lot to talk about and honestly you would enlighten my stay.
Family might look bewildered, but I `ll manage that, as long as you keep discrete about where we know each other from.

They know me having unusual friends, with interesting hobbies and new input.

And they do kebab in one of the restaurants.

Holy something. I just realize which rubbish I recently wrote on the "suicide -boat- thread" .
Maybe family lurked around on my notebook though I always cleared my history.

 

[Macc Lad]

Invited!!
Plane leaves on Tuesday.
Wish I had you around, it´s pretty nice there, you would like it.
We ´d have a lot to talk about and honestly you would enlighten my stay.
Family might look bewildered, but I `ll manage that, as long as you keep discrete about where we know each other from.

They know me having unusual friends, with interesting hobbies and new input.

And they do kebab in one of the restaurants.

Holy something. I just realize which rubbish I recently wrote on the "suicide -boat- thread" .
Maybe family lurked around on my notebook though I always cleared my history.

line up those kebabs......i'm on my way!!!!! thanks for your kind words again.....i'm sure we'd have lots to talk about! i've got to wait until september until i can stare out at the sea......the Aegean Sea! i can't wait!!

 

[Dead beat dad]

So after 3 months of utterly depression family noticed that I am not my "usual self" and decided to heave old martha on a "spring break" and booked a flight and residence.
yeaaa, yippie.

This is how "normal" people react to depression I suppose.
They do not want to see you suffer and they have this naggy feeling of guilt , when they are with you, so they want to force you back into happiness
Love them and unfortunately makes me feel worse than ever.
Talking from experience: my mother suffered from bipolar disorder and passed at the age of 49, and before that ,my dad and I just tried anything to help her.

Depression is all about guilt and the inability of feeling anything anyway anyhow. It is turning your feelings into concrete and utterly numbs you.

This is why you , my dears on this site have become so important to me. Thank you, that I found you.

No tabooing. Open talk. Showing understanding.

Plus size thanks to some really special people here, you give me so much comfort in my bad moments and inspirations in my good ones.
Thanks to the admins and mods who make this place possible.

So I look at this enormous bunch of roses and this flight ticket on my breakfast table with mixed emotions.
It will be a five star resort luxury style in a sunny country.( I love rain)
I´d preferred to ship suicide boat, travel to Netherlands, Nottingham, Nirwana wherever.
Now I will have beach, sun, spa and service and all those over-glad snobs around me delighted to relax from their uninteresting manager jobs.
Extra plus family.
I will have to dress up and make up (in the word´s worst meaning)

Suppose, I will read, write, walk a lot and stare at the Mediterranean.


(at least a break of my therapist. he drives me nuts recently, hihi.)
Clasping a prescription block in his paws already when I put my foot into his practice. His way of trying to make me happy.
Well his sort of "altenative ressort" would be a lovely private clinic at Lakeside with lots of friendly staff and little outdoor action.

Crying in a Ferrari beats crying in a dumpster.
I realise this won't 'fix' any underlying causes and actually may compound you troubles further, but would could still fall asleep in the spa or on the massage table, on the beach, or fuck it even at the dinner table, maybe you could just take maximum chance to sleep, I think that's what I'd do (just my 2c good luck sister)

DBD

 

[headinghome]

So after 3 months of utterly depression family noticed that I am not my "usual self" and decided to heave old martha on a "spring break" and booked a flight and residence.
yeaaa, yippie.

This is how "normal" people react to depression I suppose.
They do not want to see you suffer and they have this naggy feeling of guilt , when they are with you, so they want to force you back into happiness
Love them and unfortunately makes me feel worse than ever.
Talking from experience: my mother suffered from bipolar disorder and passed at the age of 49, and before that ,my dad and I just tried anything to help her.

Depression is all about guilt and the inability of feeling anything anyway anyhow. It is turning your feelings into concrete and utterly numbs you.

This is why you , my dears on this site have become so important to me. Thank you, that I found you.

No tabooing. Open talk. Showing understanding.

Plus size thanks to some really special people here, you give me so much comfort in my bad moments and inspirations in my good ones.
Thanks to the admins and mods who make this place possible.

So I look at this enormous bunch of roses and this flight ticket on my breakfast table with mixed emotions.
It will be a five star resort luxury style in a sunny country.( I love rain)
I´d preferred to ship suicide boat, travel to Netherlands, Nottingham, Nirwana wherever.
Now I will have beach, sun, spa and service and all those over-glad snobs around me delighted to relax from their uninteresting manager jobs.
Extra plus family.
I will have to dress up and make up (in the word´s worst meaning)

Suppose, I will read, write, walk a lot and stare at the Mediterranean.


(at least a break of my therapist. he drives me nuts recently, hihi.)
Clasping a prescription block in his paws already when I put my foot into his practice. His way of trying to make me happy.
Well his sort of "altenative ressort" would be a lovely private clinic at Lakeside with lots of friendly staff and little outdoor action.

i'm not trying to put down any of your feelings but to me this sounds like wonderful blissful opportunity....Be grateful that you can travel to get there and then function even if it's only physically… I would give myself for this… Please try to appreciate it…

 

[martha]

l 've got to wait until september until i can stare out at the sea......the Aegean Sea! i can't wait!!

which part?
Turkey or Greece?
Both lovely places with plenty of Kebab, Anise schnapps and some sort of jolly line dance, madly kicking glasses around.
Love to join you.
Don´t speak any Turkish though (at least I can wish everyone a good night and say " I love you, my beautiful darling". Super useful .)
My Greek language skills are even worse (can only order the bill in Greek, and toast to everyone, but this should be sufficient)

And I loved reading Kazantzakis.

 

[Macc Lad]

which part?
Turkey or Greece?
Both lovely places with plenty of Kebab, Anise schnapps and some sort of jolly line dance, madly kicking glasses around.
Love to join you.
Don´t speak any Turkish though (at least I can wish everyone a good night and say " I love you, my beautiful darling". Super useful .)
My Greek language skills are even worse (can only order the bill in Greek, and toast to everyone, but this should be sufficient)

And I loved reading Kazantzakis.

Kos...in the Greek Islands i'm gonna learn a few handy phrases before i go! Been to Greece before but i can't remember what i learnt last time!!

 

[Alec]

My family tried tricking me into enlistment, screaming, assault, a plethora of insults and expressions of disgust and contempt, then scratched their heads, shrugged their shoulders, and threw me on the streets...

I'm so sorry this happened to you and you had to and maybe even still have to deal with it! You deserve better!!! And I love you!

 

[Divine Trinity]

Thanks for your comment, you are very right in many aspects.
I know, that I am privileged, though it does not help my sadness unfortunately.
Seeing things in a negative way is part of it.
And believe me: about those kind of people I have profound experience , I´ve met them daily in my job.
I have to deal with them though and imo there is far too many of them around.

Have you considered using said privilage to help others? Live in the slums, talk to the weak and vulnerable, use whatever skills and resources you have to amplify their message. May not be pleasant or make you happy, but at least there's purpose. There is no purpose or dignity surviving on the streets.

 

[martha]

Have you considered using said privilage to help others? Live in the slums, talk to the weak and vulnerable, use whatever skills and resources you have to amplify their message. May not be pleasant or make you happy, but at least there's purpose. There is no purpose or dignity surviving on the streets.

you are competely right.
I will get more engaged and solidaric.

"Now one has ever become poor by giving"


At the moment I am volunteering in a nearby asylum centre, giving integration courses for refugees´and helping as a translator.
Though I had to stop my main job at the moment, I can still get myself to get into this voluntary workt, because the people give me so much more, than I give to them.
I am also engaged in Breast Cancer and Aids Society, in the moment only on a financial base.

Two of my friends, who work for MSF have inspired me to donate every Christmas time the sum, that we usually spend on presents to projects of MSF, where I am also fundraising.

Have actively worked palliative on honorary base with people suffering from Aids in final stadium, because some of my best friends are gay.
I had to stop my palliative engagement though, when my depression got worse.

Off topic: my parents were financially super well-off, but in my mum´s worst phases she was phantasising, they might loose all their money in the stocks and become homeless.
So she secretly started a cleaning job on the weekend, and collected the money in her private account, until my dad found out. Honest truth.

I have weird genes.

 

[Divine Trinity]

you are competely right.
I will get more engaged and solidaric.

"Now one has ever become poor by giving"


At the moment I am volunteering in a nearby asylum centre, giving integration courses for refugees´and helping as a translator.
Though I had to stop my main job at the moment, I can still get myself to get into this voluntary workt, because the people give me so much more, than I give to them.
I am also engaged in Breast Cancer and Aids Society, in the moment only on a financial base.

Two of my friends, who work for MSF have inspired me to donate every Christmas time the sum, that we usually spend on presents to projects of MSF, where I am also fundraising.

Have actively worked palliative on honorary base with people suffering from Aids in final stadium, because some of my best friends are gay.
I had to stop my palliative engagement though, when my depression got worse.

Off topic: my parents were financially super well-off, but in my mum´s worst phases she was phantasising, they might loose all their money in the stocks and become homeless.
So she secretly started a cleaning job on the weekend, and collected the money in her private account, until my dad found out. Honest truth.

I have weird genes.

If cancer is your interest look into dairy's effect on human health. It's much easier preventing any disease than trying to cure it. That stuff nearly killed me at one point, and not in a peaceful way.

 

[martha]

If cancer is your interest look into dairy's effect on human health. It's much easier preventing any disease than trying to cure it. That stuff nearly killed me at one point, and not in a peaceful way.

oh dear, you must have gone through a lot.
I try to live healthy , had very little appetite lately.
Maybe the trip will be helpful.

I will book massages, but whenever I had one lately, I started crying.
A physio told me, that it is a good sign, because it means a relief from the tension of depression.
I hope so much, that a change of place might be a change of mood.

Please my fellow sufferers keep your fingers crossed for me.

 

[Divine Trinity]

oh dear, you must have gone through a lot.
I try to live healthy , had very little appetite lately.
Maybe the trip will be helpful.

I will book massages, but whenever I had one lately, I started crying.
A physio told me, that it is a good sign, because it means a relief from the tension of depression.
I hope so much, that a change of place might be a change of mood.

Please my fellow sufferers keep your fingers crossed for me.

Personally, the only thing that keeps it in check for me is reading. Not so much the act, but from diverting attention away from myself, while still being grounded to reality (non-fiction).

Staying off of social media, unplugging the TV, avoiding/blocking advertisements, and moving to naturally green areas help too. But at the end of the day, social bonds are what cures and prevents depression (the non-toxic ones of course).

Good luck.