Method CTT (Catching The Train - WITHOUT getting caught!)

[Illegal Preclear]

When I say 'foolproof', I understand there's no such thing as 'foolproof' with CTB, thanks to that pesky 'survival instinct' (really dumb flaw in the design of mankind, not being able to turn that off.) I've never attempted CTB - my philosophy has always been 'do it once, do it right'. And I HAVE to get it right the first time. I live in what can only be described as a 'Psychiatric Police State' (In the United States, but I don't want to get more specific than that) and I've already been institutionalized 14 times WITHOUT threatening CTB even once. Where I live, all they want is to keep you in a Psych Hospital bed, preferable one of the big State Hospitals, and keep you FORCED TO STAY ALIVE in a zombified, drugged up state...forever! That to me is a fate SO MUCH worse than death. I was born into the Psychiatric system in my state. There was never any hope for me, and now that I'm over 30, my neurology itself is breaking down from all the Psychiatric abuse. This is just what happens to people in, let's just call it 'the program' when they age over 30. Once that Human Growth Hormone shuts off and your neurology changes - you can't even remember who you are from hour to hour, minute to minute, and the ME that I was when I was 23, before things started to break down is long gone - but I digress.

Because of the outright draconian power of Psychiatry here - I HAVE TO GET THIS RIGHT THE FIRST TIME. There's no room for error. SN or any type of poison leaves too much room for error. For me it has to be either a firearm or a train, and a train seems more accessible. I feel it should be simple - just lay my neck down on the tracks and let the train sever my head. But...I've never actually attempted CTB. I have no reality on what it's like to have your survival instinct 'kick in' and it sounds terrifying. Uuuhg I wish I lived in Canada where I can HAVE A CONVERSATION with someone about these things, but where I live, even hinting at such things can get you put away in a dingy, State Psychiatric Hospital that are WORSE than PRISONS for YEARS.

So the biggest risk of the train is being seen, or having my survival instinct kick in and run off the tracks. Which for all I know will be the most likely thing that happens, then I'm screwed! The other option is to get access to a firearm. I've even considered going to a shooting range to rent one and just doing it there (I've seen a video of someone using this method before). Ideally, I want it to just be something quick that either severs or destroys my entire head - believe me, I am not worried about having to have a closed casket funeral. I'd prefer it that way. The BIGGEST risk in my case is failing in a way where I'm seen and caught by Psychiatrists.

Does anyone have any advice for someone like me? Who beyond a shadow of a doubt wants to CTB via train or firearm but lives in a place where Psychiatrists will keep you alive against your will in a zombified state FOR YEARS if not INDEFINITELY if you're caught?

 

[greatgooglymoogly]

The state of the psych hospitals is really scary here in the US. It's the only reason I haven't talked to a real person about all this. I can't give a good method for your criteria as I myself plan to drink SN. If that fails I'm just gonna pray I can get out of the hospital soon and hang myself

 

[Illegal Preclear]

The state of the psych hospitals is really scary here in the US. It's the only reason I haven't talked to a real person about all this. I can't give a good method for your criteria as I myself plan to drink SN. If that fails I'm just gonna pray I can get out of the hospital soon and hang myself

Exactly. And what folks outside the US don't realize is that the US really is a patchwork of 50 separate countries within the country. Federally, the way our healthcare system works is that every patient in a Psych Hospital bed generates passive income for that hospital - and from there, more passive income is generated by bonuses from drug companies for each drug they prescribe. Some states have laws that somewhat prevent Psychiatric abuse, but in my specific state - a lot of drug companies are BASED here, so holding people as Psychiatric Prisoners is even MORE profitable than our for-profit prison system. And at this point - I'd rather be held prisoner THERE doing forced labor than held prisoner at a State Hospital being gaslit abjectly cruel people, zombified on 12 different drugs (not even an exaggeration, that's how many drugs they're willing to prescribe at a time) and put in front of a coloring book. If I see one more adult coloring book in my next 5 lifetimes, it will be too soon.

It's not like these places provide comprehensive aftercare for the mentally ill either. They dump you out with no assistance and just put you on a watch list where you can be readmitted under 'probably cause' if you're caught acting the least bit 'bizarre'. It's why I've been hospitalized 14 times here WITHOUT even the slightest mention of CTB. I've decided to CTB now because I'm so brain damaged from the drugs I've been put on my entire childhood all the way up until now that I'll never live a normal life. On top of everything else, I live in a "blue state" so I have no idea how to obtain a firearm. THAT is my ideal way to CTB. I KNOW I could pull the trigger if I had one. But I feel like even with putting my neck on the train tracks, there would be room for error. And SN and ANY poisons just seem like so much could go wrong! Not to mention you'll never know how truly painful those methods are because it's not like people who successfully CTB'd from them can tell you what their TRUE last moments were like.

I just know I have to do this. The way I live now is barely human. I'm back to not leaving the house anymore and just reading/internetting/and playing videogames all day to stay engaged with something to get out of my head, because my head is totally zombified from antipsychotics. The only GOAL I have is to end it so (in accordance with my religious beliefs) I can be reincarnated in a fresh body. Or just fade into oblivion. I'm fine with either. Anything is better than this.

 

[Chelsea Leng]

have you thought about using charcoal? i am in new york and i could not get a gun either
if two or more people do it together, the successful rate will be higher

 

[Illegal Preclear]

have you thought about using charcoal? i am in new york and i could not get a gun either
if two or more people do it together, the successful rate will be higher

That was one of the firsts methods I ever had in mind, years and years ago! However I started to have my doubts as far as the success rate went. Are there confirmed success cases here or that you know of? My biggest issue with charcoal is having a closed space to do it. My family is often on vacation or on outings so I have enough time to do the deed, but I would worry about turning the house into a death trap for them. I'm fine with them finding my body, even if it's a gruesome find, but I don't want anyone hurt by me leaving behind a poison death trap, and I have a dog in the house to consider. Would doing it in a sedan car work, you think? I've narrowed down my method to hanging but I'm still scared as hell about it. I have more then enough time to hang without being discovered before death, but I'm terrified of waking up and having SI kick in, even if it is full suspension. Inert gas seems a lot more peaceful to me though if that's a possibility.

 

[Chelsea Leng]

How about jumping from new river gorge bridge?

 

[Illegal Preclear]

How about jumping from new river gorge bridge?

Well for one, I have much closer bridges lol. I've visualized myself jumping, sure. But visualizing it and DOING it when SI kicks in are two different things and with bridges I feel you're running the risk of being seen by someone, which is a huge risk factor with me. I've already cooled off on the train method for that reason and become more focused on hanging since I learned more about it, and have a PERFECT spot to do it from. Because I have a history of Psychiatric lock-ups and where I live is practically a Police State it's much more ideal if I do this isolated at home away from prying eyes. God knows my family goes on enough vacations for me to have entire weeks at a time to do this. My IDEAL method would of course be a firearm (believe me I do not care what the body I leave behind looks like), and the real kicker is, someone in this house owns one, they'd just never tell me where it is. Now - if I can find that firearm - CTB becomes a whole lot easier for me lol.

 

[Chelsea Leng]

Exactly. And what folks outside the US don't realize is that the US really is a patchwork of 50 separate countries within the country. Federally, the way our healthcare system works is that every patient in a Psych Hospital bed generates passive income for that hospital - and from there, more passive income is generated by bonuses from drug companies for each drug they prescribe. Some states have laws that somewhat prevent Psychiatric abuse, but in my specific state - a lot of drug companies are BASED here, so holding people as Psychiatric Prisoners is even MORE profitable than our for-profit prison system. And at this point - I'd rather be held prisoner THERE doing forced labor than held prisoner at a State Hospital being gaslit abjectly cruel people, zombified on 12 different drugs (not even an exaggeration, that's how many drugs they're willing to prescribe at a time) and put in front of a coloring book. If I see one more adult coloring book in my next 5 lifetimes, it will be too soon.

It's not like these places provide comprehensive aftercare for the mentally ill either. They dump you out with no assistance and just put you on a watch list where you can be readmitted under 'probably cause' if you're caught acting the least bit 'bizarre'. It's why I've been hospitalized 14 times here WITHOUT even the slightest mention of CTB. I've decided to CTB now because I'm so brain damaged from the drugs I've been put on my entire childhood all the way up until now that I'll never live a normal life. On top of everything else, I live in a "blue state" so I have no idea how to obtain a firearm. THAT is my ideal way to CTB. I KNOW I could pull the trigger if I had one. But I feel like even with putting my neck on the train tracks, there would be room for error. And SN and ANY poisons just seem like so much could go wrong! Not to mention you'll never know how truly painful those methods are because it's not like people who successfully CTB'd from them can tell you what their TRUE last moments were like.

I just know I have to do this. The way I live now is barely human. I'm back to not leaving the house anymore and just reading/internetting/and playing videogames all day to stay engaged with something to get out of my head, because my head is totally zombified from antipsychotics. The only GOAL I have is to end it so (in accordance with my religious beliefs) I can be reincarnated in a fresh body. Or just fade into oblivion. I'm fine with either. Anything is better than this.

What bridge is near you? Is it a good place to jump? It may be of help to me

 

[Illegal Preclear]

What bridge is near you? Is it a good place to jump? It may be of help to me

Heh, I'd love to help but I don't want to give any information that could lead to my exact location. Suffice to say, we have a bridge around my house that is a CTB 'hot spot'. I don't see myself as a jumper though. There's no way SI wouldn't kick in for me and lead to me getting caught. I can see myself going through with CTB much easier at home, which is why I've refocused my gaze on Hanging.

 

[Doombox]

SI is very difficult to get around. Since you haven't experienced it you might be unfortunately surprised by how determined your body is to live. I've experienced it and it's like your lizard brain surges forth to take over and do whatever it can to survive. I wish I had a good answer...I envy people who find a way around it.

 

[bridge-walking]

im also going to be using the hanging method. i think maybe ill take some sedative type drugs some time before i do it to slow everything in my body down but idk if that will help or not. i have access to firearms but dont wanna do that way because i believe in less gun control not more gun control. charcoal could be good too but i worry about not getting it right and then surviving or something or somebody finding me if it takes long. with hanging i can probably be dead dead dead in 20 minutes if i do it right