CTBing bc of trauma that makes it impossible to study & have connections

[VKVK]

Title says it all. Can anyone relate?

 

[nys]

I'm not planning to ctb anymore, but I was going to because of trauma, so I can definitely understand that. I have trauma from my childhood- I can still study with it, but I relate to the part about being unable to make connections. It's like my trauma made me forget how to socialize and bond with others. It's horrible looking around and seeing everyone connecting with their friends and family, and knowing that I'm completely alone and that the reason I'm so socially inept is because of something that was never in my control. It makes me sad that I'm missing out on connecting with others and bonding, which is such a fundamental and central part of being human. It also makes me mad at my abusers because they took away so much from me and ruined any potential future happiness I could have had, just for a moment of pleasure for them. The emotions can be very hard to deal with and I understand how you feel. I'm sorry you're suffering so much :( I hope that you no longer have to suffer, whether it's through your life somehow getting better or by you ctb'ing

 

[lionetta12]

I can relate. I've had trauma and issues related to that for many years, but the past couple of years have given me an insane amount of new heavier trauma that haunt me whenever I sleep and throughout the day through flashbacks. It makes it impossible to do anything without breaking down and the amount of things I have to avoid to not cause triggering is unbearable. It really mess up my ability to concentrate and learn new things.

 

[VKVK]

I can relate. I've had trauma and issues related to that for many years, but the past couple of years have given me an insane amount of new heavier trauma that haunt me whenever I sleep and throughout the day through flashbacks. It makes it impossible to do anything without breaking down and the amount of things I have to avoid to not cause triggering is unbearable. It really mess up my ability to concentrate and learn new things.

This is how I feel, mostly. It's like a black hole with no way out. It's excruciatingly painful. You seem like you understand how it hurts. I wish you well, I hope some miracle happens and you get better. Thanks for replying.

It makes me sad that I'm missing out on connecting with others and bonding, which is such a fundamental and central part of being human. It also makes me mad at my abusers because they took away so much from me and ruined any potential future happiness I could have had, just for a moment of pleasure for them. The emotions can be very hard to deal with and I understand how you feel.

I understand it all and can relate, I wish you the best friend. I fear my weak attempts at "getting better" have run out of patience. And hope. I believe I'll go soon, just don't know when yet. But as long as I have all of these issues, plus the whole social alienation thing I don't think I can do much out of my life. Maybe if I was in a first-world country there could be better options available but as it sits I just want to give goodbye and go.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

No one should have to go through the horrors of abuse and then be abandoned by their community and society at large to "just deal with it" and cope after they've been traumatized. Not a single child or adult should have to bear these burdens alone.

All of you deserve to have happy, fulfilling lives free of the scars your abusers left in their wake. There is so much buzz popping up in the media about how trauma often leads to worse life outcomes and a host of health problems, but amidst all this talk, there seem to be very few solutions being introduced to combat it.

It is deeply unfair, on a grotesque and kafkaesque level, that victims of abuse are left to pick up the pieces after the trauma happens, often facing far more consequences than the abuser does.

I can really relate to what the three of you have said in this thread, being traumatized truly does feels like a black hole that continues to suck away at whatever hope a person has left, robbing one of crucial life experiences and opportunities as time keeps melting away.

The worst part about having PTSD/CPTSD I think, is that many of us have no one to love us unconditionally, no one who will even take a stab at attempting to understand us. Many victims were abused physically, emotionally, or sexually by family members, and thus the loving family unit is nothing but a far away, mythical fairytale found in movies/TV rather than real life.

Why are people who were never loved by our parents expected to create this fake, artifical "self love" that quickly crumbles when you need tangible assistance from another living human being and not just a voice in your head? How unfair is that?

The emergence of a disgust towards "traumadumping" in the younger generation doesn't help. We're encouraged to shut up and be quiet, to hide our past and the effects it has today, to never show authenticity, and function as a source of fun and entertainment above all else. How can people who have been through hell and back simply pretend that our background is the same as those who haven't been traumatized?

Many of us can't just cut loose all the time and be fun and energetic, because we spent years being put down and hurt by the adults who were meant to protect us, or our romantic partners, or institutions that we were told to trust. Going through trauma takes a toll on the body too, it wears us down and makes us suceptible to illness. Yet, we have to pretend like none of this is real and saying some psychobable in therapy will fix it?

I hope one day there will be a push to take these problems seriously. We can't get back the time that was lost to our abusers, but society at large makes no effort to ensure that we get a better present and future. It really does feel like I have no choice to ctb, when there's no effort being made to help individuals with complex PTSD except CBT worksheets and a leaflet explaining breathing exercises.