Liwujin
Spiked Cortisol
- Apr 8, 2026
- 7
My life has been a constant pain for the last 7 years with brief moments of relief but I don't want to be in this cycle forever. It's misery. I want to cbt but I'm worried for the people I will leave behind, specially my family. I have a lot of love for them, they have all tolerated me more than they should but I feel like a burden they have been kind to because they are related to it, not because they genuinely like it.
Life is exhausting, scary—I'm a coward, and I have lost all excitement for it. When things go right, I wonder what the next bad thing will be. When things go bad, it only confirms that I am right: I am too stupid to be alive. I wanted to be happy but I am too terrible for that.
I still have the sense that things could have been great but they simply aren't and I have been chasing that day that all things would change. That day will never arrive, I know that with certainty now.
I have to ctb and hopefully I won't be too much of a stupid coward when it comes to that. I will finally be great in something.
Life is exhausting, scary—I'm a coward, and I have lost all excitement for it. When things go right, I wonder what the next bad thing will be. When things go bad, it only confirms that I am right: I am too stupid to be alive. I wanted to be happy but I am too terrible for that.
I still have the sense that things could have been great but they simply aren't and I have been chasing that day that all things would change. That day will never arrive, I know that with certainty now.
I have to ctb and hopefully I won't be too much of a stupid coward when it comes to that. I will finally be great in something.
