Discussion CTB when you know you have not exhausted all options

[fawnfurever]

Hello, I wanted to open up about feelings of wanting to CTB when you know you haven't tried your hardest.
Part of my journey is avoidant personality along with borderline, and age regression as a result of these. I often feel scared to do simple things, like grocery shopping or driving. I'm very socially challenged and "naive," which has had impacts like troublesome friendships and a SA. Much of this makes me feel (and be) an adult child, struggling to keep up with developing normally. I have family that supports me, but it is so embarrassing to be in this position and be aware of it too. It is never who I thought I'd be. Who I wanted to be. I dream of being different, or being a different person overall. I know if I try my absolute hardest I could one day keep a relatively stable job, but in the back of my mind know I am a lot of wasted potential. It all makes me want to CTB every day. I know I am so ungrateful in doing so, but I feel like a walking embarrassment from day 1. Does anyone else relate? With wanting to CTB due to your own insecurity of not being where you think you could be? Or being who you thought you'd be one day?

 

[Kalista]

do what you have to. in the end, it's your choice.

you have nothing to prove to anyone whatsoever -- unless you can't shake the thought of comparing of yourself to other more relatively 'successful' people as it stems from doing so.

 

[trapdoor]

I relate to this incredibly well. I was on track, at one point, to go to medical school. But something happened, and now I'm a 21 year old child. Can't keep a job, can't behave like a normal adult. I know I could be better, I know I'm smart and passionate and I COULD have a good life, but I'm so tired. I'm so incredibly tired. I wonder how different things could have been if I had made the right choices.