Venting CTB tomorrow?

[lotuss_biscoff]

My girlfriend, the one person I loved the most broke up with me, and I know it's my fault, on top of that my friends ghosted me and I can't sleep or work or do anything without having the feeling of my hear being broken, tomorrow I will go to the movies with my now ex girlfriend and then we will dine out, if nothing goes better than it is right now I might try tomorrow, I have everything anyways, I'm sorry because I know or hope she will be sad but I can't bear it anymore, it feels like since she left my life is falling apart, she took with her the little color remaining in the world.

 

[Carrot]

I find it strange that you hang out with that person so soon after a break up. Reminds me of my own past (which ended up terribly).

If you ever get back together I'd suggest therapy and being truthful and open with her about your potential illness. She might support you, or she might not.

 

[lotuss_biscoff]

I find it strange that you hang out with that person so soon after a break up. Reminds me of my own past (which ended up terribly).

If you ever get back together I'd suggest therapy and being truthful and open with her about your potential illness. She might support you, or she might not.

I don't think we will get back together at least any time soon (I don't think we will get back at all) she basically told me a list of reasons why she was thinking of breaking up with me, and we talked about it and decided to continue but then next day she told me she changed her mind and wanted to break up with me, and the when I asked her a couple days later she told me that she hadn't told me she wanted to live her life (meet people, be in other relationships, hookup sometime) and that she found boring being all of her life with one person. Honestly I think it's kind of a fucked up mindset on one part but at the same time I think it makes sense. I asked her if we could get back sometime and she told me yes at fist but then told me that she didn't think we would get back anytime.

I'm honestly divided, on one side I think I should get back with her, on the other side I think I could find a better person that also supported me with my current feelings, but honestly I don't even know where to start and I'm not very happy or motivated to start dating any time soon. Right now it just feels like I'm alone, empty, the only person I could share my thoughts after my friends started ghosting me left me, and I can't not think it is my fault, maybe if I had fixed the starting issues sooner, maybe if something had gone differently, we would still be together.

Tomorrow I will tell her how I really feel about it (we have been talking about it but I only told her 80% of the truth because I don't want her to get back with me because of something I say, so I haven't told her I'm planning for example, just told her how I'm feeling).

Based on whatever we talk about maybe I'll delay it or not, I don't want to punish her or something, I want the best for her, but honestly I can't live like this anymore, every time I seem to get my head up something happens.

About the timing of the events, I know it is kind of early to hang out but it helps to know I can express my feelings and talk to her. She was the person I trusted most after all, and she is still, just we are not in a relationship anymore.

 

[Carrot]

It's a rollercoaster of a read.

I hope you figure it out. Not going to say what I would do, your situation is not as similar to mine anymore after reading that. Hope you can talk it out. At the same time she might feel pretty bad if you CTB knowing it's "because of her".

 

[lotuss_biscoff]

It's a rollercoaster of a read.

I hope you figure it out. Not going to say what I would do, your situation is not as similar to mine anymore after reading that. Hope you can talk it out. At the same time she might feel pretty bad if you CTB knowing it's "because of her".

I mean it would be great having some advice if you feel it could help, also if I CTB I would write her a note and tell her tomorrow that I'm planning and talk to her and those things, but I honestly don't know what I am gonna do until tomorrow. Maybe I'll try going for a little longer and having the method as backup. I don't really know, I'll update you tomorrow if you want.

 

[Carrot]

I'm not going to make any assumptions.

I don't know how long you have been together, I think that the longer somebody is together, the more difficult it is to stay friends. That's true for me, but I also have seen a case to the contrary. People can realize they have different goals, the most basoc example is wanting kids (one wants, other not), and they stay friends but find new partners. If somebody wants/doesn't want kids, it doesn't mean it will stay that way forever.

I worry you might end up in a friends with benefits case that will hurt you in the long run.

I also don't see how you can stay friends with somebody you want to be together with. She will see other people and you will feel bad.

It's not a "date me or we will never see each other again" manipulation. You want A, she wants B. A is incompatible with B and sometimes people need to go in different ways and never talk to each other again. It hurts, but that's life. You can recover from breakups.

I bunped into one of my exes randomly after a few years. She suggested we could meet (presumably maybe get back together). We didn't, but that was a possibility. Maybe that will happen to you. Maybe you won't be interested at that point.

People divorce many times, have multiple partners and friends throughout their lives for a varoety of reasons. That's okay.

Sure, give updates, mostly if you want. I might be able to reply, or maybe not, maybe somebody else will be able to chime in. I don't have all the answers.

 

[tbh2023]

My girlfriend, the one person I loved the most broke up with me, and I know it's my fault, on top of that my friends ghosted me and I can't sleep or work or do anything without having the feeling of my hear being broken, tomorrow I will go to the movies with my now ex girlfriend and then we will dine out, if nothing goes better than it is right now I might try tomorrow, I have everything anyways, I'm sorry because I know or hope she will be sad but I can't bear it anymore, it feels like since she left my life is falling apart, she took with her the little color remaining in the world.

How do you breakup with someone and the next day go to the movies and dine together? I never heard of this. I personally will never kms over relationships but that's just me. Good luck

 

[lotuss_biscoff]

I'm not going to make any assumptions.

I don't know how long you have been together, I think that the longer somebody is together, the more difficult it is to stay friends. That's true for me, but I also have seen a case to the contrary. People can realize they have different goals, the most basoc example is wanting kids (one wants, other not), and they stay friends but find new partners. If somebody wants/doesn't want kids, it doesn't mean it will stay that way forever.

I worry you might end up in a friends with benefits case that will hurt you in the long run.

I also don't see how you can stay friends with somebody you want to be together with. She will see other people and you will feel bad.

It's not a "date me or we will never see each other again" manipulation. You want A, she wants B. A is incompatible with B and sometimes people need to go in different ways and never talk to each other again. It hurts, but that's life. You can recover from breakups.

I bunped into one of my exes randomly after a few years. She suggested we could meet (presumably maybe get back together). We didn't, but that was a possibility. Maybe that will happen to you. Maybe you won't be interested at that point.

People divorce many times, have multiple partners and friends throughout their lives for a varoety of reasons. That's okay.

Sure, give updates, mostly if you want. I might be able to reply, or maybe not, maybe somebody else will be able to chime in. I don't have all the answers.

Thank you so much for your words, I will be going to bed soon, you have helped a lot, I talked to her sister and her mother, they said she said it is possible she gets back with me, I'll update tomorrow and if anything else happens.

I'm truly grateful for your help.

PD I'm not sure on the friends with benefits part but I think she doesn't want that, also right now I see the possibility of being friends but maybe later I will not. Whatever happens, thank you

How do you breakup with someone and the next day go to the movies and dine together? I never heard of this. I personally will never kms over relationships but that's just me. Good luck

Not the next day, we broke up Sunday we are going to the movies Friday, also I'm not CTBing just for that, it's a lot of background shit happening at the same time, she was kind of my safe space.

 

[Carrot]

I'm not sure on the friends with benefits part but I think she doesn't want that, also right now I see the possibility of being friends but maybe later I will not.

I ended up in something between friends with benefits and a relationship for several years, I never wanted it to happen. Friends with benefits sometimes can just happen naturally without either side explicitly calling it that. You hang out alone or maybe in a group but then the group splits or it's late and you walk the other person back, you have a history of being together, somebody wants a hug, you can hug friends, maybe the hug lasts too long, might as well kiss, worst case the other person says no and you still continue to be friends, might as well try, you are lonely, you enjoy spending time together, but don't want to commit or be serious for whatever reason. From experience I think that this can be dangerous, especially if somebody wants a relationship while the oher doesn't. At some point you'll have a very difficult issue to solve.

Friends with benefits can work in some cases, but not in a situation like this.

I have Borderline Personality Disorder, which amplifies this by a lot. Adding this because I know some might relate.

Not the next day, we broke up Sunday we are going to the movies Friday.

For the purpose of the discussion, a day and a week mean basically the same. You won't get over her in a week.

I also seen a case where people can be perfectly fine friends after breaking up, stay in the same friend group while their exes date somebody in the friend group. Every case is different after all. People can share their experiences, it might help, it might be completely different. Therapy, counselling services exist, after all. People make careers out of this. If somebody wants to help they need to fully understand the situation, it can be a full time job.

I'm not CTBing just for that, it's a lot of background shit happening at the same time, she was kind of my safe space.

Same.