Discussion CTB to save others

[timetodie24]

Does anyone else feel they have to die to allow others to live ?

I have many reasons for CTB. The main reason is I see no point in being alive at all. However, more pressing reason atm is that my mind is being controlled by external forces. They have warned me if I don't CTB by a certain date then they will make me harm others instead. They are powerful and I believe them so I must die soon to protect others.
Can anyone relate ?

 

[Jorms_McGander]

Sounds above the pay grade of an anonymous web forum, unfortunately. I'm not a doctor but you're gonna need to discuss mind control with one of those

 

[Darkover]

The feeling that your own actions are controlled by external forces is a common feature in schizophrenia.
you've got schizophrenia i would recommend seeking medical care

 

[timetodie24]

Sounds above the pay grade of an anonymous web forum, unfortunately. I'm not a doctor but you're gonna need to discuss mind control with one of those

But I'm not asking for advice ? All I was asking was if anyone has had similar experience not asking for a professional opinion. It's too dangerous to speak to a doctor and why would I when i'm going to ctb ? That'd be counterproductive .

The feeling that your own actions are controlled by external forces is a common feature in schizophrenia.
you've got schizophrenia i would recommend seeking medical care

Even a psychiatrist can't diagnose someone from a few sentences online so how can you ? I definitely don't have schizophrenia. I appreciate it sounds a bit crazy but you don't know the full story.
And I have had professional assessments . Last time I spoke to a mental health professional they confirmed I have no mental illness, not even depression anymore just 'low mood' .

 

[Darkover]

Even a psychiatrist can't diagnose someone from a few sentences online so how can you ? I definitely don't have schizophrenia. I appreciate it sounds a bit crazy but you don't know the full story.
And I have had professional assessments . Last time I spoke to a mental health professional they confirmed I have no mental illness, not even depression anymore just 'low mood' .

Schizophrenia Test

Schizophrenia is a psychiatric disorder with symptoms like hallucinations or delusions. This schizophrenia test helps you learn if you have any symptoms.

psychcentral.com

i suggested you seek a second opinion
schizophrenia is the delusion of being controlled the false belief that external forces, such as machines or other people, are controlling one's thoughts, feelings, or actions.

 

[timetodie24]

Schizophrenia Test

Schizophrenia is a psychiatric disorder with symptoms like hallucinations or delusions. This schizophrenia test helps you learn if you have any symptoms.

psychcentral.com

i suggested you seek a second opinion
schizophrenia is the delusion of being controlled the false belief that external forces, such as machines or other people, are controlling one's thoughts, feelings, or actions.

It's not a delusion as I have evidence to prove what is happening so my 'beliefs' are not false. And delusions are just one symptom of schizophrenia anyway, it is a lot more complex than that. I studied schizophrenia in my degree so I understand the symptoms and I don't have them.
According to the test you sent I scored 4/97 which shows 'NO schizophrenia' further evidencing my points.

 

[Darkover]

It's not a delusion as I have evidence to prove what is happening so my 'beliefs' are not false. And delusions are just one symptom of schizophrenia anyway, it is a lot more complex than that. I studied schizophrenia in my degree so I understand the symptoms and I don't have them.
According to the test you sent I scored 4/97 which shows 'NO schizophrenia' further evidencing my points.

i don't think you answer the question honestly you believe someone is controlling your thoughts all the time

you hear or see things that others do not hear or see all the time
etc and so on

 

[anhedonya]

I'm sorry you're going through this. Please understand I'm trying to write this as gently as possible and I understand how distressing this is for you. If you're going to CTB anyhow, then isn't it more sensical that talking to a doctor would be a good final try? Maybe the doctors might be able to help you feel more protected and have someone to tell your story to. I know your fear is very real and I really just ask that you make one last attempt at life by seeking external medical advice. You don't even have to go to a hospital, just a therapist you really like and saw good reviews of- someone to tell your story to who might be able to keep you safe. Please think on this. I wish you the best.

 

[rozeske]

To answer your question, no I don't relate. And I am not planning suicide to save others. I'm only a single dot in the whole universe, my death doesn't save anyone and my life doesn't affect the universe or anyone for that matter.

 

[timetodie24]

i don't think you answer the question honestly you believe someone is controlling your thoughts all the time

you hear or see things that others do not hear or see all the time
etc and so on

I did answer it honestly. They don't control all my thoughts, just some and only some of the time. I don't properly hear anything external, there's just another voice in my head that isn't my own and again only some of the time. Most of the other questions I couldn't relate to at all .
I

I'm sorry you're going through this. Please understand I'm trying to write this as gently as possible and I understand how distressing this is for you. If you're going to CTB anyhow, then isn't it more sensical that talking to a doctor would be a good final try? Maybe the doctors might be able to help you feel more protected and have someone to tell your story to. I know your fear is very real and I really just ask that you make one last attempt at life by seeking external medical advice. You don't even have to go to a hospital, just a therapist you really like and saw good reviews of- someone to tell your story to who might be able to keep you safe. Please think on this. I wish you the best.

Thank you for your understanding. But I don't need or want 'saving' . No one can help me as i'm just defective and hate life itself too. The mind control is only a small part of it, I have many reasons to ctb.
I have already tried lots of medical advice - GP, therapists, counsellors, psychiatrists, medications, mental health nurses etc. Been under nhs outpatient and inpatient, charity services and private too. This isn't some stupid impulsive decision.

 

[anhedonya]

I do not think you are defective or impulsive. But have you ever attempted to share these thoughts with a professional you trust? Like told them what you just said to us in the original post?

 

[timetodie24]

I do not think you are defective or impulsive. But have you ever attempted to share these thoughts with a professional you trust? Like told them what you just said to us in the original post?

Not the above as that would put others and myself in danger. But I did share with professionals that if I didn't ctb others would die. They weren't concerned and said it was just 'intrusive thoughts'. I know it's truth not thoughts though so they're wrong.

 

[anhedonya]

I think it was very unprofessional and bad practice to say that to you. I understand you're worried about putting people in danger, but when more people know about something preemptively, that makes it harder to get away with hurting someone. In fact, I think you could do more good by speaking about it to the right people rather than doing CTB, you're not powerless and you can fight this fear.

Would you please consider talking to a different professional? Someone with good reviews and client testimonies? There's good people out there if you look, I promise.

 

[timetodie24]

I think it was very unprofessional and bad practice to say that to you. I understand you're worried about putting people in danger, but when more people know about something preemptively, that makes it harder to get away with hurting someone. In fact, I think you could do more good by speaking about it to the right people rather than doing CTB, you're not powerless and you can fight this fear.

Would you please consider talking to a different professional? Someone with good reviews and client testimonies? There's good people out there if you look, I promise.

I appreciate you taking time with thoughtful responses. But that is absolutely not an option for me.
Regardless, it's not just about the mind control anyway so doesn't matter. I've been suicidal a long time and first attempted 3 years before the mind control even started.

 

[Jorms_McGander]

But I'm not asking for advice ? All I was asking was if anyone has had similar experience not asking for a professional opinion. It's too dangerous to speak to a doctor and why would I when i'm going to ctb ? That'd be counterproductive .

Even a psychiatrist can't diagnose someone from a few sentences online so how can you ? I definitely don't have schizophrenia. I appreciate it sounds a bit crazy but you don't know the full story.
And I have had professional assessments . Last time I spoke to a mental health professional they confirmed I have no mental illness, not even depression anymore just 'low mood' .

Well what you're describing is a hallucination. That's why I said it's above the pay grade. I don't have any idea why you're experiencing that and anybody experiencing the same thing should also get off the internet and go see a doctor. This is serious, and I have no reason to joke around. There are many reasons to see a doctor even though one intends to CTB. Hallucinating is definitely one of those.

PS: I appreciate that you're not asking for advice but what you are asking for is complicity in irresponsibility and this community has to preserve itself... this is a forum about people who wish to commit suicide. Not people experiencing hallucinations... I sound really cruel, but I'm not sure how else to say it

Best wishes

 

[timetodie24]

PS: I appreciate that you're not asking for advice but what you are asking for is complicity in irresponsibility and this community has to preserve itself... this is a forum about people who wish to commit suicide. Not people experiencing hallucinations...

I'm not hallucinating , I'm not actually hearing or seeing anything. It's just an internal voice and thought control.
I do wish to commit suicide, i'm not asking for help with hallucinations. All i was asking was if anyone could to relate to one of the reasons i'm going to ctb. How is that making anyone complicit ? Not asking for advice, encouragement or even any suggestions. I'm doing it whatever people say, just thought maybe I could feel less alone in time I have left if others could relate. Why is that a bad thing ?
Plenty of people on here have mental illnesses, would you stop all them posting ? . And like Even if someone was hallucinating, why does that make them unwelcome here ? I'm currently well. Regardless I have capacity to make my own choices and have professionals agree with that.

 

[thenamingofcats]

I had thoughts like this when I was psychotic. I don't know why people think it automatically means schizophrenia? There's a huge range of disorders that can produce psychosis. But whatever's going on, if you do harm others you have to understand that's on you, not the voices.

 

[tbroken]

, more pressing reason atm is that my mind is being controlled by external forces. They have warned me if I don't CTB by a certain date then they will make me harm others instead. They are powerful and I believe them so I must die soon to protect others.

Reading this I thought that was just another way to say that you have 'debts' with maf*a or someone that was menacing you... but what are those powerful beings? And what are the proofs you are talking about?

 

[Jorms_McGander]

I'm not hallucinating , I'm not actually hearing or seeing anything. It's just an internal voice and thought control.
I do wish to commit suicide, i'm not asking for help with hallucinations. All i was asking was if anyone could to relate to one of the reasons i'm going to ctb. How is that making anyone complicit ? Not asking for advice, encouragement or even any suggestions. I'm doing it whatever people say, just thought maybe I could feel less alone in time I have left if others could relate. Why is that a bad thing ?
Plenty of people on here have mental illnesses, would you stop all them posting ? . And like Even if someone was hallucinating, why does that make them unwelcome here ? I'm currently well. Regardless I have capacity to make my own choices and have professionals agree with that.

"I want to CTB because symptoms of psychosis are unbearable"

Is different from

"Voices are telling me I will hurt others if I do not CTB"

I didn't mean to suggest that you don't post here. You're welcome to participate and I'm not in charge.

You can take me at face value without adding further meaning to what I've written. I hope you do experience validation on this site, and I am going to respectfully disengage from this conversation as I seem to be bothering you.

 

[timetodie24]

I had thoughts like this when I was psychotic. I don't know why people think it automatically means schizophrenia? There's a huge range of disorders that can produce psychosis. But whatever's going on, if you do harm others you have to understand that's on you, not the voices.

Yes people seem to have very little understanding of schizophrenia and psychosis.
I don't have either though.
Yes I know I have responsibility for my actions. I won't harm anyone as will make sure I die in time. Before people attack me for it I want to make it clear that i was planning on ctbing anyway but the voice is just rushing me. I had attempts long before I started so it's making me decide a date but the choice to ctb is of my own volition.

Reading this I thought that was just another way to say that you have 'debts' with maf*a or someone that was menacing you... but what are those powerful beings? And what are the proofs you are talking about?

Definitely no debts with anyone haha.
It's not powerful beings. It's complicated and can't go into detail here. But there is this system governing what happens to myself and others. There was glitch when I lived longer than I was supposed to so it's now taking control to punish me and put things right, restoring order in the system.
I have lots of evidence like clear cause and effect of things happening and not happening when I did or didn't follow the rules, videos of helicopters tailing me, internal conversations I've had with the voice where they said things that came true and things no one else knew.

 

[thenamingofcats]

Before people attack me for it I want to make it clear that i was planning on ctbing anyway but the voice is just rushing me. I had attempts long before I started so it's making me decide a date but the choice to ctb is of my own volition.

But the voice is you.

 

[Saturn_]

I'm honestly a really dangerous person in intimate situations, and I don't like being that way, but I really don't feel bad for anyone I'm going to hurt with my suicide. In all honesty, I'm hoping the fact that they weren't there for me haunts them forever. I kind of wonder if I'm a sociopath because I couldn't really feel empathy for the people in my personal life. I hated all of them and only built those friendships so I wouldn't feel lonely. I don't really know if I cut them off to save them or because I just ran out of energy to keep up the facade. But I still don't like the fact that I was born a bad person instead of a good one. If I had the opportunity to be reborn a normal person, I would take it. But obviously that can't happen, and I don't think it would be a pleasant ~70 years constantly falling in and out of these unstable relationships. That's the core reason I want to commit suicide.

 

[tbroken]

Definitely no debts with anyone haha.
It's not powerful beings. It's complicated and can't go into detail here. But there is this system governing what happens to myself and others. There was glitch when I lived longer than I was supposed to so it's now taking control to punish me and put things right, restoring order in the system.
I have lots of evidence like clear cause and effect of things happening and not happening when I did or didn't follow the rules, videos of helicopters tailing me, internal conversations I've had with the voice where they said things that came true and things no one else knew.

Seems 'bs' to me. so this voice is a human being right? How does it talk to you, do you have some kind of micro-headset or microchip? Are you participating to 'Squid Games' or similar?

 

[timetodie24]

But the voice is you.

It's not me, completely different voice, speaks in different way, uses different words that I would never use.

Seems 'bs' to me. so this voice is a human being right? How does it talk to you, do you have some kind of micro-headset or microchip? Are you participating to 'Squid Games' or similar?

It's not human. Talks to me by controlling my thoughts. Idk how it works but it's real not some bs conspiracy .

 

[tbroken]

It's not human. Talks to me by controlling my thoughts. Idk how it works but it's real not some bs microchips or squid games

I cannot help you with that, sorry.

 

[thenamingofcats]

It's not me, completely different voice, speaks in different way, uses different words that I would never use.

It's not human. Talks to me by controlling my thoughts. Idk how it works but it's real not some bs microchips or squid games

I know you're unlikely to believe us here, but this is how psychosis works. It uses a proxy to convince you that it's not you but it is you. There's no way thoughts and voices can be channeled into your brain that aren't your creation. Using the proxy allows you to think and feel things that you otherwise wouldn't find acceptable.

 

[timetodie24]

I'm honestly a really dangerous person in intimate situations, and I don't like being that way, but I really don't feel bad for anyone I'm going to hurt with my suicide. In all honesty, I'm hoping the fact that they weren't there for me haunts them forever. I kind of wonder if I'm a sociopath because I couldn't really feel empathy for the people in my personal life. I hated all of them and only built those friendships so I wouldn't feel lonely. I don't really know if I cut them off to save them or because I just ran out of energy to keep up the facade. But I still don't like the fact that I was born a bad person instead of a good one. If I had the opportunity to be reborn a normal person, I would take it. But obviously that can't happen, and I don't think it would be a pleasant ~70 years constantly falling in and out of these unstable relationships. That's the core reason I want to commit suicide.

It sounds really difficult and isolating to live with that. I don't think a sociopath would worry they're a bad person though. Empathy isn't everything and it seems like you still consider others feelings . I hope you can find peace whatever you do

 

[Saturn_]

It sounds really difficult and isolating to live with that. I don't think a sociopath would worry they're a bad person though. Empathy isn't everything and it seems like you still consider others feelings . I hope you can find peace whatever you do

I'm not too concerned with these social constructs and diagnoses. At the end of the day, I know I am a vindictive, hollow and spiteful person, and I have a problem with far too many moving parts that nullifies any possibility of recovery. Thank you very much for your kind words, I appreciate them a lot ❤