I feel my time is close . Physical, financial and mental issues are finally all closing in. At my wits end , and I finally have to plan. I plan on hiring a hotel for a few nights to give me enough leeway to ctb with my N without being interrupted.
My timing and procedure is as follows:
Fast from the moment I wake up until about 11pm that night.
11:15pm, take 30mg meto
11:20pm eat 2 slices of bread so that my stomach isn't too empty for when I take the 2 bottles of N
Midnight: 2 bottles of N from 2018 (expired )
Anything I should or shouldn't do for a successful exit? I also have dilantin (phenytoin) pills on hand if that would make a difference? Also I will have vodka or similar drink on hand to take a shot of after drinking the 200ml of N
Anything I should add or change to this whole procedure? For what it's worth I'm 43 year old male about 90kg
I have the exact same pressures imploding in on me.
Mentally I'm dealing with finding my wife, my best friend, dangling by an extension cord in my bedroom just about 5 weeks ago.
Worse yet, last January I started to lose my balance and fall so I became wheelchair bound. My fingers also began to curl inwards, contractures, making difficult to use my hands and do almost anything.
I can deal with being in a wheelchair, but losing the use of my hands is a real game changer. Imagine not being able to twist a doorknob, or zip up your pants, or twist open a water bottle, or tie your shoes, or be forced to use a cellphone for everything but having to type with your thumb (I can still use my thumbs somewhat normally) but I can't hold and use a mouse so no computer. I'll never play the drums or guitar again, something I spent a lifetime doing.
After my wife died, I went in to the hospital to try and figure out what was wrong with me and while there I don't have a single soul in the world I could call for help, as it was just me and my wife against the world, my business, which I spent 22 years building by myself, completely crashed to the ground as I wasn't there to tend to clients and besides, my wife was my caretaker and was driving me in to work once I got in the wheelchair, so I can't drive and have no way to get there.
So in the span of a month I lost my wife, my caretaker, my business, and my ability to earn a living ever again. Plus I can barely do anything on my own with my hands the way they are
I have all those pressures and am faced with trying to survive on disability in San Diego where a studio goes for $2k/mo, meaning it's not going to happen.
I have extensive nerve damage in my fingers and my toes and I was told it's irreversible, they don't know why. I will never get better.
I have about $5000 to my name and once that runs out I'm toast.
Regardless, even if I could somehow figure something out with a $1200/mo disability payment, living in someone's shed or something, what kind of life can I have being crippled and not being able to do anything but watch TV all day? Which I hate TV in the first place and have never been a TV watcher.
I just wish I had a reliable way to CTB, so I envy you.
Hope you find the peace you are looking for.
And if you have any left over N, package it discreetly and send it to me. ; )
