CTB next week

[timetodie24]

I haven't decided on day as need to double check when I will have enough time on my own. But I will CTB next week. It has to be before the 6th May as that's the deadline when I'll will be forced to do terrible things and others will be in danger.
My method is full suspension. I plan to use the frame in my attic as anchor point and hang down the hatch. I don't have a rope yet, and this will be the tricky part as can't risk family noticing. I'm anxious about getting everything sorted but getting excited to do it. Haven't looked forward to anything in a long time yet thinking about this feels really good.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best of luck in your plans and I hope that you find freedom from your suffering.

 

[Dliena]

I wish you eternal peace and truly hope nothing terrible can ever occur for you or anyone again!

 

[timetodie24]

I wish you the best of luck in your plans and I hope that you find freedom from your suffering.

I wish you eternal peace and truly hope nothing terrible can ever occur for you or anyone again!

Thank you both

 

[timetodie24]

Have ordered my rope so it's getting closer. It should arrive tomorrow and then Thursday and Saturday are the days I will have enough time alone . I want to make sure I have a few hours incase anything goes wrong. So i think I'll try thursday and saturday is my backup . That's if I do it at home . My other plan was to find somewhere secluded with trees, in which case it can be any day this week, struggling to find somewhere I definitely won't be found too soon though.

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

full suspension does not take that long, for what it's worth. Partial seems to be something that is just disastrous and ineffective. Please be careful.

I hope you find strength and peace.

 

[Meteora]

Wishing you all the best for your plan. I hope everything goes well and you ll find peace .

 

[timetodie24]

full suspension does not take that long, for what it's worth. Partial seems to be something that is just disastrous and ineffective. Please be careful.

I hope you find strength and peace.

Wishing you all the best for your plan. I hope everything goes well and you ll find peace .

Thank you

 

[timetodie24]

Have ordered my rope so it's getting closer. It should arrive tomorrow and then Thursday and Saturday are the days I will have enough time alone . I want to make sure I have a few hours incase anything goes wrong. So i think I'll try thursday and saturday is my backup . That's if I do it at home . My other plan was to find somewhere secluded with trees, in which case it can be any day this week, struggling to find somewhere I definitely won't be found too soon though.

Well my rope has arrived, just have to collect it . No longer have house to myself tomorrow So will have to be saturday. Still excited and and anxious too, want it to hurry up. At home would be more comfortable and less risky but feel guilty my parents finding my body so wondering if woods would be better.

 

[baller]

I wish you luck, hope suffering your suffering ends and most of all, that you're satisfied with it <3

 

[Nikitatos]

Good luck. Are you going to be intoxicated?

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I'm sorry you reached this point in life and I only wish you peace. But............

May I ask what you mean by:

It has to be before the 6th May as that's the deadline when I'll will be forced to do terrible things and others will be in danger.

Forced? Terrible things? Others in danger?

It has nothing to do with harming others, does it?

 

[timetodie24]

I wish you luck, hope suffering your suffering ends and most of all, that you're satisfied with it <3

Thank you

Good luck. Are you going to be intoxicated?

thank you ! No as I want to be clear headed to make sure I don't make any mistakes. I did think about 1 or 2 drinks just to relax a little but i've been sober for 5 years so not sure how it affects me anymore.

I'm sorry you reached this point in life and I only wish you peace. But............

May I ask what you mean by:

Forced? Terrible things? Others in danger?

It has nothing to do with harming others, does it?

Thank you
It's complicated but something has taken control of my mind, it can control my thoughts, talk to me in my head and it can make things happen to me or others. It sets rules I have to
follow to protect others. If I don't die then I will be forced to harm others in order to save people I care about. I have lots of evidence of this. Bad things already happened when I broke rules and have strong evidence of that connection, have evidence of surveillance and of thoughts not being my own too. There's more to it though.
It's also not my only reason to ctb, I wanted to and tried to long before they took control. But it's a reason I have to do it asap.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Thank you
It's complicated but something has taken control of my mind, it can control my thoughts, talk to me in my head and it can make things happen to me or others. It sets rules I have to
follow to protect others. If I don't die then I will be forced to harm others in order to save people I care about. I have lots of evidence of this. Bad things already happened when I broke rules and have strong evidence of that connection, have evidence of surveillance and of thoughts not being my own too. There's more to it though.
It's also not my only reason to ctb, I wanted to and tried to long before they took control. But it's a reason I have to do it asap.

The first thing I'd say is please, please, please don't harm anyone. Have you tried getting help from professionals for the voices you hear? Are you under any care now? If not, PLEASE consider getting some help before you injure anyone.

 

[rozeske]

I'm sorry you feel pressured to kill yourself as soon as possible. It's everyone's choice to decide on what to do with their life but it's the right thing when only you are the sole decider of what to do how and when. I know you have already rejected our repeated requests to get help to make the voices stop. You already mentioned you have other additional reasons for wanting to die but you deserve to make plans the way you want in your own time table with out the pressure and terror of voices Instructions. Anyways I do wish you the best and hope you find peace.

 

[LilysAngel]

Thank you

thank you ! No as I want to be clear headed to make sure I don't make any mistakes. I did think about 1 or 2 drinks just to relax a little but i've been sober for 5 years so not sure how it affects me anymore.


Thank you
It's complicated but something has taken control of my mind, it can control my thoughts, talk to me in my head and it can make things happen to me or others. It sets rules I have to
follow to protect others. If I don't die then I will be forced to harm others in order to save people I care about. I have lots of evidence of this. Bad things already happened when I broke rules and have strong evidence of that connection, have evidence of surveillance and of thoughts not being my own too. There's more to it though.
It's also not my only reason to ctb, I wanted to and tried to long before they took control. But it's a reason I have to do it asap.

Is it like something constantly
Playing in your head "if you don't do x then x will happen?"

I have realllyyyy bad OCD. And my mind will not stop until an action is complete. Mine is all based on safety, so I do cannot relate to having thoughts of harming others. But an ex is, I'll be in my car, 3 mins from work. My mind will start wondering "did I lock the door? Did I turn off the oven? (That I never use)" stuff like that. And then it turns into "go back and make sure you turned the oven off or everyone in your house will die in a fire." I cannot think of anything else. My body shakes and gets hot. I feel dizzy sometimes. Obviously I will go back and check. As irrational as I know this is, I have to ensure the safety of the ones I love.

I'm just curious if it's a similar version of what I experience.

True OCD is horrible. Ofc someone is depressed constantly thinking people they love are in danger.

But 100% do not harm anybody else. I understand having to protect your loved ones. But then you're harming somebody else's loved ones.

I made a goal to not give anyone advice on anything when I joined this site. But if your only option comes to harming others, please, from the BOTTOM of my heart, seek help. Please. Meds fucking suck… I get it. But there are some that REALLY help these thoughts. Mine have never gone away, but they do become less frequent and not as morbid.

 

[timetodie24]

The first thing I'd say is please, please, please don't harm anyone. Have you tried getting help from professionals for the voices you hear? Are you under any care now? If not, PLEASE consider getting some help before you injure anyone.

Not for the voices but it's not really hearing voices anyway as just in my head. No current care but had lots of mental health support and treatments previously which only made things worse. I'll make sure I'm dead before I injure anyone don't worry.

I'm sorry you feel pressured to kill yourself as soon as possible. It's everyone's choice to decide on what to do with their life but it's the right thing when only you are the sole decider of what to do how and when. I know you have already rejected our repeated requests to get help to make the voices stop. You already mentioned you have other additional reasons for wanting to die but you deserve to make plans the way you want in your own time table with out the pressure and terror of voices Instructions. Anyways I do wish you the best and hope you find peace.

Thank you. I appreciate it

Is it like something constantly
Playing in your head "if you don't do x then x will happen?"

I have realllyyyy bad OCD. And my mind will not stop until an action is complete. Mine is all based on safety, so I do cannot relate to having thoughts of harming others. But an ex is, I'll be in my car, 3 mins from work. My mind will start wondering "did I lock the door? Did I turn off the oven? (That I never use)" stuff like that. And then it turns into "go back and make sure you turned the oven off or everyone in your house will die in a fire." I cannot think of anything else. My body shakes and gets hot. I feel dizzy sometimes. Obviously I will go back and check. As irrational as I know this is, I have to ensure the safety of the ones I love.

I'm just curious if it's a similar version of what I experience.

True OCD is horrible. Ofc someone is depressed constantly thinking people they love are in danger.

But 100% do not harm anybody else. I understand having to protect your loved ones. But then you're harming somebody else's loved ones.

I made a goal to not give anyone advice on anything when I joined this site. But if your only option comes to harming others, please, from the BOTTOM of my heart, seek help. Please. Meds fucking suck… I get it. But there are some that REALLY help these thoughts. Mine have never gone away, but they do become less frequent and not as morbid.

so sorry for what you go through, it sounds so awful
I do/think some stuff that could be considered obsessions and compulsions but not to extent of OCD. Also it's not irrational like OCD as I have evidence of obsessions coming true when I didn't follow rules. And there is more to it as it's not my own thoughts.
My only option is to ctb , I will do that before I have chance to harm anyone so it's all good .

 

[LilysAngel]

That sounds really hard to deal with :/