notevenhere
Ghost Angel
- Apr 27, 2023
- 51
I've been wanting to fire for so many years and each time, I have failed. I think for the last six years, I attempted 3 times. But they were so ridiculously bad, I feel like I can only consider them self harm instead of an attempt.
Now, my fucking abusive family has caught on. I hate it. They don't care about me, if they did, they'd do something for my health. They would. But they don't. They don't do anything to make me better, they don't allow me to go outside of even get medical help. They don't improve my life at all, yet they're cruel enough to not want me to die.
I want to die, but they stopped giving me my benzos for my pain and tics. I can't even drink alcohol when I pay it with my own money from going sex work online. Now, I'm so depressed, I don't even do that anymore. I don't make any money, either. I tried applying for jobs online but no one would take me. Not that anyone would actually want to work with me, I'm so sick and I can't work for long hours. I'm severely depressed and anxious, I have BPD and lost every friendship and relationship I made, now I can't even find a way to buy SN in my country because it's a third world country with zero fucking resources.
My best friend died of SN, I showed them this website and my biggest regret is not asking where they got it.
It doesn't get better. It only gets worse. I tried getting better after their death, thinking I owe it to them to carry on, but I'm weak and alone and scared. I just want to end it all, and I can't.
Now, my fucking abusive family has caught on. I hate it. They don't care about me, if they did, they'd do something for my health. They would. But they don't. They don't do anything to make me better, they don't allow me to go outside of even get medical help. They don't improve my life at all, yet they're cruel enough to not want me to die.
I want to die, but they stopped giving me my benzos for my pain and tics. I can't even drink alcohol when I pay it with my own money from going sex work online. Now, I'm so depressed, I don't even do that anymore. I don't make any money, either. I tried applying for jobs online but no one would take me. Not that anyone would actually want to work with me, I'm so sick and I can't work for long hours. I'm severely depressed and anxious, I have BPD and lost every friendship and relationship I made, now I can't even find a way to buy SN in my country because it's a third world country with zero fucking resources.
My best friend died of SN, I showed them this website and my biggest regret is not asking where they got it.
It doesn't get better. It only gets worse. I tried getting better after their death, thinking I owe it to them to carry on, but I'm weak and alone and scared. I just want to end it all, and I can't.
