littleraccoon3

littleraccoon3

I use a translation program
Nov 20, 2024
60
There may be typos because I used a translation program, if you have any questions please ask.

Hello, I am very close to having a ctb because I need to have it and I am extremely scared, I can never think of having my SI checked because I only want to have a ctb for financial reasons. Now as the time approaches I am starting to get incredibly scared. I won't even be able to eat my last meal because I am planning to do it with SN and the only side effects I have access to when doing SN are painkillers and anti-nausea pills. I won't even be able to get a damn xanax

My parents got sick at the beginning of the year and since I was the only child in the house I had to take care of them and I was unemployed during this time, I couldn't say anything to them. The illness lasted so long that I had to spend everything with my credit cards, my family seriously can't pay this debt because I am a poor family, for these reasons there is no point in saying this. I can't accept that I will do this for a debt of 8000 euros... I was talking freely on this forum, I was planning like this, I was planning like this but now the day I planned is approaching and I am very scared. I walk the streets every day and talk to employers, maybe I can get a loan or find a job but it's no use, no one will give this money, even if there is a loan. Inflation has increased incredibly in the country I live in, around 150% and unemployment has increased incredibly, damn the Middle East. I live in my friend's house and today my friend told me to leave the house because I started receiving letters from banks and he doesn't want to feed me anymore. He didn't see how hard I was trying, all he wanted was for him to have no problems during this process. I'm so scared, I don't want to do this at all, I feel so lonely... for other people this money is just money for a damn t-shirt and I can't accept it. This is the only place and community in my life that listens to me and tries to understand me right now, so thank you for listening. I plan to open a post when I do the CTB that I plan to do soon and share the process. I also want to help the only people who were there for me when I left this life for bad reasons and left with good wishes.
any response please reply I feel so lonely.I'm probably having a panic attack.Is this normal?
 
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Praestat_Mori

Mori praestat, quam haec pati!
May 21, 2023
11,349
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I can relate. Not to want to die. Money is the reasons for being suicidal.

Edit: It shows in English now.
 
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littleraccoon3

littleraccoon3

I use a translation program
Nov 20, 2024
60
I used a translator. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I can relate. Not to want to die. Money is the reasons for being suicidal.
Is the post not showing up in English? I don't want to do this because I don't think I'll go peacefully. I'm in an incredible panic right now. What will I do when CTB day comes? :(
 
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dontlook

dontlook

watch out. the gap in the door
Nov 13, 2024
141
I'm so sorry 🫂🫂🫂

This is horrific, you deserve so much better than this

It's completely normal to be panicking at this, this is so sad. I wish so badly that I could help you. Could you maybe make a gofundme?
 
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Praestat_Mori

Mori praestat, quam haec pati!
May 21, 2023
11,349
Is the post not showing up in English? I don't want to do this because I don't think I'll go peacefully. I'm in an incredible panic right now. What will I do when CTB day comes? :(
It's in English now. I'm sorry, I wish I could help somehow. This must be so unbearable but honestly the risks to fail are higher then which would only make the situation worse. Did u set a date?
 
littleraccoon3

littleraccoon3

I use a translation program
Nov 20, 2024
60
I'm so sorry 🫂🫂🫂

This is horrific, you deserve so much better than this

It's completely normal to be panicking at this, this is so sad. I wish so badly that I could help you. Could you maybe make a gofundme?
GoFundMe does not support Turkey

It's in English now. I'm sorry, I wish I could help somehow. This must be so unbearable but honestly the risks to fail are higher then which would only make the situation worse. Did u set a date?
If you hadn't told me, I wouldn't have realized I was writing in my native language, thank you so much for your effort and reading. I'm thinking about the night of December 5th for CTB because the day I leave my friend's house I'll be homeless. I want everything to be over before this year ends. But I really don't want it to fail. I'll try the SN method, I have a gun but right now just thinking about it is giving me a panic attack, I don't think I can use a gun.
 
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Praestat_Mori

Mori praestat, quam haec pati!
May 21, 2023
11,349
If you hadn't told me, I wouldn't have realized I was writing in my native language, thank you so much for your effort and reading. I'm thinking about the night of December 5th for CTB because the day I leave my friend's house I'll be homeless. I want everything to be over before this year ends. But I really don't want it to fail. I'll try the SN method, I have a gun but right now just thinking about it is giving me a panic attack, I don't think I can use a gun.
I could never use a gun, too. It's too cruel and messy.
 
Unknown21

Unknown21

The past never dies.
Apr 25, 2023
972
I can relate to this, I also live in the Middle East and the situation is terrible, money is almost the main reason for my suicide. I can't even afford food anymore, I haven't eaten in a whole day, just tea. I felt what you feel at the beginning of the year with my first attempt, it is very stressful and burdensome, especially when you do it because you have to and not because it is the decision you want. I wish you peace and a better situation. Good luck.
 
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