ctb in hotel

[MariV]

hey,

well, seems my mother is not that cool anymore to let me ctb at home with my SN.
so im thinking about escaping from home when shes out to go to the nearest hotel i find and ask for a room for that night.
does that make any sense? i dont see any other way to do it as i have reduced mobility

 

[Deleted member 19654]

If she knows you want to ctb, will she know that you would go and find the nearest hotel?

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I don't know if this is accurate, but I think your mom may be having a difficult time with your plans to attempt, getting all geared up for it, and then you changing your mind. I'm not at all saying, "Do it and get it over with." I'm saying that I think you need to do a lot more exploring and planning, and to give her a break from the subject so that there's not an emotional explosion that makes things harder than they already are. Does that make sense?

 

[MariV]

If she knows you want to ctb, will she know that you would go and find the nearest hotel?

i really dont know what to do. my mobility is very limited. but she wont know where i am when she gets home after groceries or whatever.
my idea is to pack quickpy my ctb stuff and go to the nearest hotel i find (thryre usually empty)
does that make sense?

I don't know if this is accurate, but I think your mom may be having a difficult time with your plans to attempt, getting all geared up for it, and then you changing your mind. I'm not at all saying, "Do it and get it over with." I'm saying that I think you need to do a lot more exploring and planning, and to give her a break from the subject so that there's not an emotional explosion that makes things harder than they already are. Does that make sense?

well she said she was ok with me doing it in my bedroom cause she hates me being unhappy. i am very unhappy now and want to do it but its never the right time for her. what would you do? its always "lets wait for the next results bla bla..." she used to say wanting to keep somebody alive against their will was selfish. where did that go?

 

[Deleted member 19654]

I can understand why your mum is acting like that. She doesn't want you to suffer but she also doesn't want to lose her son.

What you said about the hotel makes sense. She might not know where you are but I don't know if she'll end up calling the police and they all go looking for you.

 

[MariV]

I can understand why your mum is acting like that. She doesn't want you to suffer but she also doesn't want to lose her son.

What you said about the hotel makes sense. She might not know where you are but I don't know if she'll end up calling the police and they all go looking for you.

can she do that? how? dont i have to be missing for a certain amount of time?
ok...so i can just go to a hotel and say i want to stay for the night right?
any other idea on how to do this? sry im very desperate!

 

[fox21132113]

It scares me to think one of my kiddos would want to ctb. I'm sure it's her motherly instincts kicking in, that fear for her child. Today, and often times my 7 year old hits herself and I hate to see her in so much pain. It sucks both ways. I'm sorry you are through this honey, but I would think she might try to save you and of course frantically go to each and every hotel until she finds you. This is just what I would do. Just my perspective, even though it sounds selfish.

 

[Deleted member 19654]

Yes, you should be able to go to a hotel and book a room while you are there but if she tells the police that you want to ctb, I think they will go looking for you.

 

[MariV]

It scares me to think one of my kiddos would want to ctb. I'm sure it's her motherly instincts kicking in, that fear for her child. Today, and often times my 7 year old hits herself and I hate to see her in so much pain. It sucks both ways. I'm sorry you are through this honey, but I would think she might try to save you and of course frantically go to each and every hotel until she finds you. This is just what I would do. Just my perspective, even though it sounds selfish.

but we have discussed this already many times. actually we bought the SN just in case one of us wanted to ctb. im sick of my illness, chemo, pain...she says she would give me the freedom to end my suffering at home but now she doesnt want.

and btw are you allowed to go to hotels to ask if somebody is staying there?

Yes, you should be able to go to a hotel and book a room while you are there but if she tells the police that you want to ctb, I think they will go looking for you.

rly? didnt know that. and how would they find me?
btw do you have any other idea? i rly wonder how to do this

 

[maggieg]

i really dont know what to do. my mobility is very limited. but she wont know where i am when she gets home after groceries or whatever.
my idea is to pack quickpy my ctb stuff and go to the nearest hotel i find (thryre usually empty)
does that make sense?

well she said she was ok with me doing it in my bedroom cause she hates me being unhappy. i am very unhappy now and want to do it but its never the right time for her. what would you do? its always "lets wait for the next results bla bla..." she used to say wanting to keep somebody alive against their will was selfish. where did that go?

You're lucky you have ppl who care if you're happy. That's a LOT of love.

 

[AJ95]

A hotel is a great option, I'm going to ctb in a hotel too!

Sorry that your mum changed her mind :(

 

[MariV]

A hotel is a great option, I'm going to ctb in a hotel too!

Sorry that your mum changed her mind :(

well its a vety shitty one in my shitty quarter but thats how far i can go.

but wouldnt be weird an emaciated walking corpse showing up at the reception asking for a room for that night? i rly wonder.

option b is locking myself in my room and put a note on the door: dont call emergency!

i rly dont know what to do. i hope i could just vanish

 

[fox21132113]

but we have discussed this already many times. actually we bought the SN just in case one of us wanted to ctb. im sick of my illness, chemo, pain...she says she would give me the freedom to end my suffering at home but now she doesnt want.

and btw are you allowed to go to hotels to ask if somebody is staying there?

rly? didnt know that. and how would they find me?
btw do you have any other idea? i rly wonder how to do this

Good question, how about a fake name?
Or even request them to not disclose your name or room #. I can't imagine they can release any guest information. Oh, I had no idea you were in so much pain, so justifiable I can see why she would be in agreement. Curious question, you don't have to answer. I guess this is just a question I'm asking as a mom. How would you feel if your mom went first?

 

[Deleted member 19654]

I think hotel staff would be concerned if they can see that you are physically not well. They obviously won't want people dying in their hotel.

 

[MariV]

Good question, how about a fake name?
Or even request them to not disclose your name or room #. I can't imagine they can release any guest information. Oh, I had no idea you were in so much pain, so justifiable I can see why she would be in agreement. Curious question, you don't have to answer. I guess this is just a question I'm asking as a mom. How would you feel if your mom went first?

id love that.been desiring all my life that she went first so she wouldnt see me die. but thats life, im the sick and depressed one.
but theyll ask for my id at the hotel when check in, wont they? cant give fake info

I think hotel staff would be concerned if they can see that you are physically not well. They obviously won't want people dying in their hotel.

yes i think so aswell. mb doing it at home when shes out would be better. mb he respects my decision and doesnt call the ambulance if i leave a note asking her not to do it at least till some hours have passed

 

[Donewiyhitall]

You may check in a hotel with a credit/debit card and valid ID. That might be the tracking. Do you have the SN procedure, securely worked out? If not, take a step back and stay with Momma. Maybe not tell her any plans to keep it safe?

 

[rt1989526]

Anyone here concerned with being heard by other hotel guests or am I just paranoid?

 

[Donewiyhitall]

Anyone here concerned with being heard by other hotel guests or am I just paranoid?

Your not paranoid, just checking your P's And Q's. Usually there is a vent fan in the bathroom turn that on you can also run the shower if somebody is too close to the wall on that side. Stuff a towel underneath the doorway if it's not sealed. Stay as far away from any shared walls and take a small trash can to upchuck in(away from the hall), turn the TV on not too loud but loud enough. Put your do not disturb sign on the outside door knob and bolt the door

 

[rt1989526]

Your not paranoid, just checking your P's And Q's. Usually there is a vent fan in the bathroom turn that on you can also run the shower if somebody is too close to the wall on that side. Stuff a towel underneath the doorway if it's not sealed. Stay as far away from any shared walls and take a small trash can to upchuck in(away from the hall), turn the TV on not too loud but loud enough. Put your do not disturb sign on the outside door knob and bolt the door

Good call on the bathroom fan, although a shower running overnight might be a red flag. And the bed is pretty much always up against a shared wall. TV on is a must for sure.

 

[Donewiyhitall]

Your not paranoid, just checking your P's And Q's. Usually there is a vent fan in the bathroom turn that on you can also run the shower if somebody is too close to the wall on that side. Stuff a towel underneath the doorway if it's not sealed. Stay as far away from any shared walls and take a small trash can to upchuck in(away from the hall), turn the TV on not too loud but loud enough. Put your do not disturb sign on the outside door knob and bolt the door

When booking a room, ask for one closest to the stairs, preferably on level 2. You want to aim for a corner room with only one room adjoining. You might look out. The second floor in my experience, tends to be the least sound obnoxious.

Good call on the bathroom fan, although a shower running overnight might be a red flag. And the bed is pretty much always up against a shared wall. TV on is a must for sure.
Just trying to brainstorm for you! Don't forget the towel under the door, idea

 

[Meditation guide]

but wouldnt be weird an emaciated walking corpse showing up at the reception asking for a room for that night? i rly wonder.

They don't care what you look like.

 

[ThrownAwayTom]

I don't think they could turn you away based on appearance alone - but maybe wearing layers or thicker clothing may help.

If your mum knows you're gone with intentions to CTB, the police will have the right to search for you including checking the hotel for recent check-ins. I would guess they'd check public CCTV to track you there though, so maybe travel in a way that avoids too much of that?

 

[MelissaBlake]

What is "ctb"?

 

[Midnight-rain]

What is "ctb"?

Catch the bus. Euphemism for suicide.

 

[MariV]

I don't think they could turn you away based on appearance alone - but maybe wearing layers or thicker clothing may help.

If your mum knows you're gone with intentions to CTB, the police will have the right to search for you including checking the hotel for recent check-ins. I would guess they'd check public CCTV to track you there though, so maybe travel in a way that avoids too much of that?

really? whats CCTV?
i couldnt do it. she went out to do some paperwork so i quickly called to a hotel and prepared everything but as i got to the street, i realised i just didnt have the energy to walk there. so frustrating. had to come back and dismantle the bag and put everything in its place. will have to wait

 

[ThrownAwayTom]

really? whats CCTV?
i couldnt do it. she went out to do some paperwork so i quickly called to a hotel and prepared everything but as i got to the street, i realised i just didnt have the energy to walk there. so frustrating. had to come back and dismantle the bag and put everything in its place. will have to wait

Oh sorry, it's an initialism for Closed Circuit Television, basically security cameras. Maybe I'm showing my UK bias but over here they'd used local security cams to find out where you'd gone.

Everything happens as it does - I was going to suggest a taxi if you don't have the energy but that would be another traceable thing.

 

[MariV]

i dont have the energy to even go up stairs. i guess ill have to ctb at home while my mother is out. i feel so bad and so guilty but im so unhappy. i could lock the door to delay the ambulance butb thats not enough time not to be saved...pfft what could i do?

 

[Aap]

Does your mother sleep at night?

 

[Deleted member 19654]

i dont have the energy to even go up stairs. i guess ill have to ctb at home while my mother is out. i feel so bad and so guilty but im so unhappy. i could lock the door to delay the ambulance butb thats not enough time not to be saved...pfft what could i do?

Didn't you sign the "last will" document? Isn't that when they can't resuscitate you

 

[MariV]

Does your mother sleep at night?

she wakes up all the time and comes to check if im doing well

Didn't you sign the "last will" document? Isn't that when they can't resuscitate you

well does that include injecting the antidote to SN? it only states "prolonging life by artificial means". i also wonder if they will send me to psych ward if i dont die