Ctb feels like the first time I'm in control over anything

[Sanva]

For the past few years I've just been rotting. Not doing anything. Letting things happen. Letting people do whatever they wanted with me. I've just been an empty shell.

I know my family is angry at me for being like this. It has to be frustrating, but I think this is just genuinely how I am. I am empty. I'm excited because I'm finally going to do what's right, I'm finally going to end this.

I don't know how I'll make it through christmas, but after that I'll finally do it and I'll be free from all this pain. I've been a lot happier lately, just because I've been thinking of that. I feel so relieved.

 

[yive]

Ctb feels like the first time I'm in control over anything

same...

 

[ClownMe]

I resonate with what you're saying, this terrible disease of the mind, called depression, has turned me into a zombie, it's hard to feel anything but numb anymore, i can hardly get out of bed anymore because it's zapped me of any will to live and be productive.

I hope if your time is coming to an end, that you're suicide isn't painful and you can finally find eternal peace. It's sad that our existence drives us to this point.

 

[_Minsk]

I'm sorry, i feel the same way:/..
It really feels like being in the driver seat again, it makes me question whether i should have done it way earlier, but the powerlessness also affects my ability to go through with ctb and plan it carefully..

 

[Mynameisnotimportant]

I can relate to that. A lot of it relieved when I moved out at stopped talking to certain family members. Dropped out of college that was forced on me. It took a lot of deprogramming to separate what I wanted from myself and what they wanted from me.
Now I've got a business where I breed and sell cockroaches , that is not a joke

 

[steviewonder]

When I dream of ctb it makes me happy because I know my life's coming to an end

 

[aprilshowers]

I agree. Suicide is liberation from everything, and it finally feels like we have power over it all since we have the power to remove ourselves.

 

[Julgran]

At the very least, the prospect of being able to end one's life can be comforting. By having a method ready at hand, you can choose to go through with it at any point, so you don't need to worry about any problems that may bother you, For me, everyone should have a suicide plan for any reason - be it anything from as a preparation for one's later years, to a way of avoiding the horrors of life that may plague you. In other words, having plans ready can lift one's anxiety about possible financial problems, wars, loneliness, or whatever may afflict a person.

 

[FuneralCry]

There is so much in this life that is out of our control, we never chose to be born and everything is determined by chance and luck, so many horrible things can happen that we can do nothing about. My death is the one thing I can control, even know ctb is difficult, there are always ways for me to end all suffering at a time of my own choosing. I see death as being very comforting, as I will never have to experience anything ever again. I wish you the best, I hope you find freedom from your pain.