Ctb due to debt and finances

[downndone2]

I'm in my 40s. I feel the need to ctb due to destroying my life due to failed business resulting in massive financial losses, marriage crumbled, damaged relationships, ORS debt, and other losses. My mental and physical health has also severely declined since this occurred. Presently, the anxiety and depression is literally crippling

Anyone here ctbing due to similiar situation or finances in general? Please comment or pm me with support. I don't want to ctb but I'm miserable and feel like I'm in an absolute hell and a prison

 

[bigdog]

Yes a "friend" of mine literally ruined everything just for the sake of ruining it

 

[umjammertranner]

I've been unemployed for 3 months and here in the UK things are just getting more and more expensive. I haven't had anything nice for so long now, I can barely afford to shower more than twice a week.

If it wasn't for the fact that I literally couldn't order SN and survive for as long as I'd need to wait for it to arrive I'd be dead already

 

[downndone2]

Yes a "friend" of mine literally ruined everything just for the sake of ruining it

I lost it to a passion. But now I have no passion, joy, happiness, or purpose left at all

I've been unemployed for 3 months and here in the UK things are just getting more and more expensive. I haven't had anything nice for so long now, I can barely afford to shower more than twice a week.

If it wasn't for the fact that I literally couldn't order SN and survive for as long as I'd need to wait for it to arrive I'd be dead already

I understand. I have been without income for months now. I eat cheap crap.

I did finally find a job but I'll need to keep living like I am for a long while to pay off my debt and taxes

 

[CompleteControl]

I find myself in a similar situation in my mid 30's despite the circumstances are a little different. I've struggled with mental illness since a very young age probably from age 10 and also a head full of regret and constant as you outlined crippling anxiety and depression that was really built into me since the age of 23. I was in an auto accident ( I was a passenger ) in a vehicle that lost control at 70 mph approaching a bridge and played ping pong inside the guard rails of that bridge and at that age found myself with multiple herniated disc's in my neck and lower back. I spent a year going to physical therapy 3 times a week not to mention trying everything I could to salvage my health and almost unable to walk due to psyatic nerve issues regardless of how much care and rehabilitation I was getting every day was just pain. I met my wife not long after that accident and thought my life had finally taken a turn for the better, except I had began drinking profusely (which i tried my best to hide) after this accident in order cope with not only the pain but to numb myself to the reality of it all which caused me to do some pretty stupid shit. Namely catch my first DUI in which I rolled my vehicle and just about sliced my right ear off (just when you think you've hit rock bottom) it can always get deeper and further injured myself. I cleaned my act up for awhile decided to smoke alot of weed rather then get proper pain meds or drink and moved to a new state and life was pretty cherry for awhile. Landed a decent job, had a brand new truck, wife always supporting me and soldiering for me however she could but my alcoholism tore everything down. I was lying to myself about having an issue and hiding a lot of my turmoil because I always wanted to believe I could overcome it all and show how tough I can be even In the face of everything that was and still continues to torment me to this day. I'm my own worst enemy. I convinced myself I was worthless because and was sick of putting someone I loved through all this torment and figured if I was gone she would have no choice but to move and would find a better existence. I stayed home from work one day under the pretense of being sick and days before had purchased the largest bottle of Ever clear I could find at that time 190 proof and about a gallon. Relatively cheap and figured it would be an easy way out. I fired up my video game station and just began pouring drinks to distract myself and made it to about half of the jug from what I recall. She had made multiple attempts to contact me and with no response her intuition kicked in and left early from work to check on me. I was found lying on the basement floor face down aspirating my own blood which had prob been going on for hours. The only thing keeping my face from being completely submerged in that blood is our dog had come to my aid and was leaning into me in order to keep me positioned where I was still able breathe. It took a team of paramedics and firefighters to extract me from downstairs of our house at the time and upon arrival at the hospital my BAC was .896 when they sedated me I was still combative and was trying to wake up which they were did their best to stop from happening not knowing how much damage to my brain had been done. They told my family I may be to a point where ill need to learn my ABCs again basically. When I finally did regain consciousness I woke up intubated, strapped down covered in IVs and all kinds of med equipment , and watched reality rebuild itself before I realized where I was this strange room was full of familiar faces. I tried speaking to them without realizing at first I had a tube down my throat. The med staff came in and removed the tube and during this It became apparent that my right leg was fucked. My muscles had begun to atrophy before I was found and has really done a number on my kidneys and liver. I spent 3 total days in the ICU and still went back to work the following Monday. Trying to be tough again. Took no time to take care of myself or really reflect on what had just transpired. You would think something like this would be a the universe giving you a mulligan right change your ways etc right? Nope I acted like it never happened I did however stop drinking for over a year until yet another auto accident in which I was tboned a block away from my house and yet again injured and owner of a now totaled truck in which was the first nice thing I was ever able to afford for myself and was proud of myself for working so hard to attain it now was destroyed. We moved not too long after this accident and I figured a fresh start would be just what I needed until I fell back into my old ways again because of my inability too stop dwelling in the past and tormenting myself with what ifs and could've should've would've. Regardless I find myself single now I was left in the fall of 2022 which caused me to quit yet another job and flat spin my life into the grouns and have nothing to show for it other then a head full of a constant replay of these past year and it's taken it toll. I don't want to CTB either but no matter what I do even when it's positive I flush it down the drain I've been self destructive for so long I've programmed myself to be and cannot handle it anymore. In all the times I actually thought or felt I was a loser I was actually stronger then I've ever been because I had something to fight for, now that I've given up completely is what defines me as one. I hope you can build something out of what you have deemed as unescapable financial trouble etc I had opportunities too and instead followed my head instead of heart.

 

[Danielwc]

Don't worry about finances mate. You will be ok, all your basic needs will be met. So what, everything falls to pieces. I challenge you you to meet any businessman this hasn't happened to. It's almost part of the climb. Part of loosing everything is that it provides a reset. What went wrong? How could I do things differently?. It's ok, you will get another chance. Do not kill yourself over finances. As you know people can go from less than nothing to having everything. It's not over til it's over. Fucking regroup yourself and get at it.

 

[downndone2]

Don't worry about finances mate. You will be ok, all your basic needs will be met. So what, everything falls to pieces. I challenge you you to meet any businessman this hasn't happened to. It's almost part of the climb. Part of loosing everything is that it provides a reset. What went wrong? How could I do things differently?. It's ok, you will get another chance. Do not kill yourself over finances. As you know people can go from less than nothing to having everything. It's not over til it's over. Fucking regroup yourself and get at it.

Right now I can hardly manage to leave my bed. I also have s shattered heart in addition to the financial hurdle. But the money loss is what is destroying me currently.
I'm really stuck

 

[Danielwc]

Right now I can hardly manage to leave my bed. I also have s shattered heart in addition to the financial hurdle. But the money loss is what is destroying me currently.
I'm really stuck

You can't leave your bed right now. This phase will pass. Everything is temporary, even life. Patience my friend. You will feel differently and get what you want.

 

[downndone2]

You can't leave your bed right now. This phase will pass. Everything is temporary, even life. Patience my friend. You will feel differently and get what you want.

I haven't been able to leave bed since Jan hardly

 

[Danielwc]

I haven't been able to leave bed since Jan hardly

Well, there is no time limit. Leave it the rest of the year, treat it as convalescence. It's not over yet. Relax and work out what your going to do differently next time around. One thing we have whether we want it or not is time. You can live broke indefinitely, we all can in the western world.

 

[downndone2]

Somehow I've got to get my ass up to attend my new job next week or I'm going yl be screwed

I find myself in a similar situation in my mid 30's despite the circumstances are a little different. I've struggled with mental illness since a very young age probably from age 10 and also a head full of regret and constant as you outlined crippling anxiety and depression that was really built into me since the age of 23. I was in an auto accident ( I was a passenger ) in a vehicle that lost control at 70 mph approaching a bridge and played ping pong inside the guard rails of that bridge and at that age found myself with multiple herniated disc's in my neck and lower back. I spent a year going to physical therapy 3 times a week not to mention trying everything I could to salvage my health and almost unable to walk due to psyatic nerve issues regardless of how much care and rehabilitation I was getting every day was just pain. I met my wife not long after that accident and thought my life had finally taken a turn for the better, except I had began drinking profusely (which i tried my best to hide) after this accident in order cope with not only the pain but to numb myself to the reality of it all which caused me to do some pretty stupid shit. Namely catch my first DUI in which I rolled my vehicle and just about sliced my right ear off (just when you think you've hit rock bottom) it can always get deeper and further injured myself. I cleaned my act up for awhile decided to smoke alot of weed rather then get proper pain meds or drink and moved to a new state and life was pretty cherry for awhile. Landed a decent job, had a brand new truck, wife always supporting me and soldiering for me however she could but my alcoholism tore everything down. I was lying to myself about having an issue and hiding a lot of my turmoil because I always wanted to believe I could overcome it all and show how tough I can be even In the face of everything that was and still continues to torment me to this day. I'm my own worst enemy. I convinced myself I was worthless because and was sick of putting someone I loved through all this torment and figured if I was gone she would have no choice but to move and would find a better existence. I stayed home from work one day under the pretense of being sick and days before had purchased the largest bottle of Ever clear I could find at that time 190 proof and about a gallon. Relatively cheap and figured it would be an easy way out. I fired up my video game station and just began pouring drinks to distract myself and made it to about half of the jug from what I recall. She had made multiple attempts to contact me and with no response her intuition kicked in and left early from work to check on me. I was found lying on the basement floor face down aspirating my own blood which had prob been going on for hours. The only thing keeping my face from being completely submerged in that blood is our dog had come to my aid and was leaning into me in order to keep me positioned where I was still able breathe. It took a team of paramedics and firefighters to extract me from downstairs of our house at the time and upon arrival at the hospital my BAC was .896 when they sedated me I was still combative and was trying to wake up which they were did their best to stop from happening not knowing how much damage to my brain had been done. They told my family I may be to a point where ill need to learn my ABCs again basically. When I finally did regain consciousness I woke up intubated, strapped down covered in IVs and all kinds of med equipment , and watched reality rebuild itself before I realized where I was this strange room was full of familiar faces. I tried speaking to them without realizing at first I had a tube down my throat. The med staff came in and removed the tube and during this It became apparent that my right leg was fucked. My muscles had begun to atrophy before I was found and has really done a number on my kidneys and liver. I spent 3 total days in the ICU and still went back to work the following Monday. Trying to be tough again. Took no time to take care of myself or really reflect on what had just transpired. You would think something like this would be a the universe giving you a mulligan right change your ways etc right? Nope I acted like it never happened I did however stop drinking for over a year until yet another auto accident in which I was tboned a block away from my house and yet again injured and owner of a now totaled truck in which was the first nice thing I was ever able to afford for myself and was proud of myself for working so hard to attain it now was destroyed. We moved not too long after this accident and I figured a fresh start would be just what I needed until I fell back into my old ways again because of my inability too stop dwelling in the past and tormenting myself with what ifs and could've should've would've. Regardless I find myself single now I was left in the fall of 2022 which caused me to quit yet another job and flat spin my life into the grouns and have nothing to show for it other then a head full of a constant replay of these past year and it's taken it toll. I don't want to CTB either but no matter what I do even when it's positive I flush it down the drain I've been self destructive for so long I've programmed myself to be and cannot handle it anymore. In all the times I actually thought or felt I was a loser I was actually stronger then I've ever been because I had something to fight for, now that I've given up completely is what defines me as one. I hope you can build something out of what you have deemed as unescapable financial trouble etc I had opportunities too and instead followed my head instead of heart.

I'm so sorry you've gone thru all.of that

 

[downndone2]

Somehow I'll have to ctb. I have the means job not the guts yet

 

[anxious_depressive]

I'm in my 40s. I feel the need to ctb due to destroying my life due to failed business resulting in massive financial losses, marriage crumbled, damaged relationships, ORS debt, and other losses. My mental and physical health has also severely declined since this occurred. Presently, the anxiety and depression is literally crippling

Anyone here ctbing due to similiar situation or finances in general? Please comment or pm me with support. I don't want to ctb but I'm miserable and feel like I'm in an absolute hell and a prison

Hi
I'm sorry you're in this situation.



I'm 30, but I'm in a very similar situation.
I too have big financial problems and mental health issues.

I haven't gotten out of bed for almost a month due to severe depression and weakness.
Now I don't have a job, and I am very ashamed.
I hate myself for it.
My in-laws help me a little, but I think they'll soon get tired of it.
They say I'm just lazy, stupid and useless.

I feel like I'm in a tunnel where the only way out is ctb.

Hugs.

 

[OceanBlue]

Sorry, no one should be pushed into this decision by financial circumstances, unfortunately it's quite common - pro-natalists should implement UBI before birthing children here.

If you don't want to CTB, then bankruptcy is not worth it.. You should talk to a therapist and financial advisor to get out of this mental state. Financial issues can damage relationships, it's just one of those things we have to keep in mind when we form them, just write it off.

 

[downndone2]

Im

Hi
I'm sorry you're in this situation.



I'm 30, but I'm in a very similar situation.
I too have big financial problems and mental health issues.

I haven't gotten out of bed for almost a month due to severe depression and weakness.
Now I don't have a job, and I am very ashamed.
I hate myself for it.
My in-laws help me a little, but I think they'll soon get tired of it.
They say I'm just lazy, stupid and useless.

I feel like I'm in a tunnel where the only way out is ctb.

Hugs.

I'm sorry and I hope things improve for you
I

Sorry, no one should be pushed into this decision by financial circumstances, unfortunately it's quite common - pro-natalists should implement UBI before birthing children here.

If you don't want to CTB, then bankruptcy is not worth it.. You should talk to a therapist and financial advisor to get out of this mental state. Financial issues can damage relationships, it's just one of those things we have to keep in mind when we form them, just write it off.

I do believe I'll eventually ctb over the financial issues along with my.heartbreak if u can get over si. I guess for now I'll try to work and get my credit card debt paid off. I'm a bit concerned about job attendance abd performance due to my depression and anxiety. If I lose this job I'll just have to find a way to end it asap

 

[OceanBlue]

They say I'm just lazy, stupid and useless.

You're not any of those things, they shouldn't be saying that to you.. your value is not attached to your job, it's all nonsense anyway.

Best not to depend on others for sure, I hope you will get out of this situation soon. Hugs

 

[downndone2]

You're not any of those things, they shouldn't be saying that to you.. your value is not attached to your job, it's all nonsense anyway.

Best not to depend on others for sure, I hope you will get out of this situation soon. Hugs

Agreed that you're none of those things

 

[Ernest1964]

In my life I have been fired from two, what I thought were important jobs. I found other jobs. If I hadn't found another job quickly (in under two or three months) I'm pretty sure I would have CTB. If it happens again, that's it, I am done with this world.

 

[downndone2]

If I fuck this Job up I'll ctb but much more debt notices in the mailbox, I'm going to

 

[6MillionWaystoDie]

I'm going through the can't get out of bed phase as well. Its not just money or job. Its seeing this inflation and knowing that its gonna be tough in this new paradigm for a while for most people. A few weeks ago though I did have a space in time where I felt a little better. I was taking a few minutes a day to jog / walk outside. It was helping a little until I recently broke the habit.

Maybe try something like that for a few days to see if it can motivate you to have enough energy to work the new job.

I unfortunately want to ctb as well b/c I don't see any way to support myself longterm vs. Living check to check worried that one fuck up will blow up my financial house of cards.

My ctb desires however started long before the financial worries with the loss of some of the other things that you mentioned. Ive been existing because I could at least pay the bills. Now the finances are becoming the final nail in the coffin because I'm not earning what I used to.

Are you able to do any remote jobs? It helps not having to go outside in this state.

 

[Salty]

It sounds like all these problems are very hard, but also temporary. If you don't want to take the path then be patient. Youve built all that before and can rebuild yourself again.

Gain is illusion, losing is enlightenment!

 

[anxious_depressive]

Agreed that you're none of those things

Thank you for your support, it means a lot to me right now.
I hope that everything will be all right for you too.

 

[thisiswhoiam-]

Debt is one of the reasons, sadly i have more. Most pressing is the endless health problems, and i can't breathe or find out why. From the financial side, I spent all my money on doctors and benzo addiction, so i can't pay my taxes(and its a pretty high number), and it's very likely they will try to pursue me, but since i have nothing to pay from, they'll probably try to lock me up in prison eventually, and i couldn't even stand high school, so you know how it's gonna go. Well, I don't expect to give them a chance, and I'll finish this within 1-2 months before they have a chance to destroy me.

 

[Hq633910]

My ex admitted to cheating on me for 3 years and basically kicked me out. He kept everything and I was working a little job just to pay for groceries (he was the main income provider). Now I have a ton of bills and not enough money to pay them. I moved into an apt behind my parents house and have to live by their rules (no company, no utilities on while at work, even though we said you would have space you will have daily checks on how clean the place is, etc) I'm thinking of driving to the Grand Canyon when I take vacation in 2 weeks and jumping.

 

[downndone2]

I'm going through the can't get out of bed phase as well. Its not just money or job. Its seeing this inflation and knowing that its gonna be tough in this new paradigm for a while for most people. A few weeks ago though I did have a space in time where I felt a little better. I was taking a few minutes a day to jog / walk outside. It was helping a little until I recently broke the habit.

Maybe try something like that for a few days to see if it can motivate you to have enough energy to work the new job.

I unfortunately want to ctb as well b/c I don't see any way to support myself longterm vs. Living check to check worried that one fuck up will blow up my financial house of cards.

My ctb desires however started long before the financial worries with the loss of some of the other things that you mentioned. Ive been existing because I could at least pay the bills. Now the finances are becoming the final nail in the coffin because I'm not earning what I used to.

Are you able to do any remote jobs? It helps not having to go outside in this state.

I don't think I'll fins a remote job anytime soon, they're fairly hard to come across in my industry

Debt is one of the reasons, sadly i have more. Most pressing is the endless health problems, and i can't breathe or find out why. From the financial side, I spent all my money on doctors and benzo addiction, so i can't pay my taxes(and its a pretty high number), and it's very likely they will try to pursue me, but since i have nothing to pay from, they'll probably try to lock me up in prison eventually, and i couldn't even stand high school, so you know how it's gonna go. Well, I don't expect to give them a chance, and I'll finish this within 1-2 months before they have a chance to destroy me.

I'm facing lots of taxes too. Makes my stomach hurt

 

[sorrow_sparrow]

the agony of finance disability is worst feelin

I am from 3rd world country, here people work and live for 5 usd a day (sometime less) to put food on the table sometime for family of 3 or 5
poverty is our daily life, it's part of our life
businesses struggle to meet their goal to pay their staff or even only to survive
corruption become our way of life, people throw people under the bus just to hold on for one other day

finance will never recover unless you work for it or someone give it to you out of the blue, or winning a lottery would be nice

but maybe in our case we have to work it out so.... my advise :
set your goal as simple as wake up from bed everyday and walk to the porch/balcony/biggest window in your house/apt for only 10 minute, enjoy the breeze a little and go inside again
set steps that makes you capable to stimulus your active brain cell
don't think about your debt/problems when you are in the porch or balcony or your window enjoying breeze for 10 minute, give your brain a good rest for that 10 minute
feel free upgrade the time when you want to stay there any longer

simple things to do for such a major problem you faced, but at least it makes you have your simple and own some goals to do
anyways... hope you can find you way and find happiness in your life...

 

[Forever Sleep]

Money is a major reason I want to CTB. I'm rubbish at making a living from my freelance creative job. I recently took on another job to supplement it but, that didn't work out. I know I'm going to need to look for something else soon though. To be honest, even my creative job isn't giving me the sense of purpose it used to. I'm just sick of working to ultimately make rich people richer. Earning less than I need to support a life I don't actually want! Seems kind of ridiculous really!

I'm sorry you are struggling so much. Having your own business involves taking so much risk. I think you're really brave for trying it. Ultimately- we don't know if things will work unless we try. I've taken smaller risks in life- switching between permanent jobs and freelance. In retrospect, some of my decisions haven't been the wisest- financially but sadly- we don't have the benefit of hindsight when we make decisions in life. I'm sure you did your best at the time. I hope you can find your way through this.

 

[downndone2]

Thank you! I feel like a fool abd just sick over it! I just wish it would kill me

 

[kuulas]

My situation is very different, but my reason has to do with finances as well in the sense that it's starting to look like I'll never be able to work a job.

It's getting harder and harder to leave my apartment and I'm filled with frustration and explosive rage every moment I spend in public surrounded by people. I used to be able to work part-time and now I can't even do that, I'm actually baffled how I ever managed to work the jobs I used to have. It would be impossible now.

I'm incredibly sensitive and can't handle human interaction, let alone any kind of criticism or conflict. I can't be productive in almost any way. I believe in the idea that nothing worth doing is easy, every meaningful and important thing is (atleast to some extent) difficult and takes work, therefore my inability to work for anything has left me with a deep sense of meaninglessness regarding my entire existence.

I have a lot of trauma due to spending my childhood in the foster care system. I'm constantly told it's normal with a past like mine to be fucked up lol, and I've seen the statistics: The likelihood of ending up homeless & with a drug addiction for people that were in the foster care system long term...well, its high.

Being relient on social security for my entire life would be hell since this country is insanely expensive and especially living expenses keep rising while every government makes cuts to social security. Life on 'benefits' means very limited and unreliable access to (even basic) healthcare, and even that existing healthcare is likely to not exist in the near future since the biggest, most popular parties in this country support weakening public healthcare and increasing reliance on the private sector, which obviously poor people have no access to.

The thing is, I'm aware that people have survived and lived (atleast somewhat) happily in extremely difficult conditions, so much worse than mine. But I'm not like other people. I'm not built for this world. In those (mentioned) conditions I would have perished very quickly. Natural selection would have taken care of me swiftly. Now I have to do that myself.

Obviously this is not the only reason for me to want to ctb, perhaps not even the most important one. It's just that the shame, embarassment, isolation, hunger, uncertainty and stress that comes with living as a "non-productive" member in this society is something I'm not equipped (nor motivated tbh) to handle.

 

[downndone2]

I quite literally am up this morning with tye worst anxiety ever. All I can think about is my financial loss and hope I just die