Discussion CTB because you don't want to be an old person

[ManWithNoName]

Take that aging process!

Amen to that!

Why would anyone want to be a old person?

Although different for each person, I get the impression that dying between ages 35 - 40 is optimal.

 

[mathieu]

I feel the same. Fuck getting old. Can't stand the thought.

 

[suffering]

Yes. How horrible it is that I will have to go though all that, due to my SI! What a cursed existence! My only hope is a quick unexpected accident... but I don't count on it.

 

[Cleopatra123]

Amen to that!

Although different for each person, I get the impression that dying between ages 35 - 40 is optimal.

It all depends on each individual person, I had chronic fatigue syndrome, but led an active, interesting life, was a nurse till age 68. It's hard to know when a person will develop a distressing illness; although, from my observation and research, and the increasing stress on so many to survive financially, illnesses are increasing at younger ages. Age 35-40 is young relatively, except for those who become ill.

 

[blanketyblk]

My mother is 79 years old, bedridden (due to fractured vertebrae) and incontinent. Her memory lapses are worsening: probably the only reason she has not yet been diagnosed with dementia of some kind is that she cannot get into a wheelchair and visit a doctor. Last week, Mom entered home hospice care, even though she is not in imminent danger of dying -- but it was the only practical way that she can get her prescription medications without getting into a gurney (which her health insurance does not cover) and getting to her doctor's office.

I am terrified of ending up like Mom. I will be 53 in September: I have never married nor had kids. (I thought that as someone with recurrent depression and suicidal ideation, it would not be a good idea to marry and/or have children, or even have a serious romantic relationship.) At least Mom has my brother and me as caregivers and a roof over her head. (Mom intends to get a reverse mortgage so that she can have some extra money.) I am on SSI and will be lucky to get Section 8 housing by the time Mom dies or has to enter a convalescent home. I would gladly ctb to forestall what is happening to Mom from happening to me. May God forgive my sins! As a practicing Catholic, I should embrace the concept of redemptive suffering, but it is difficult for me. I could accept offering up my suffering for the salvation of souls when, in 2015, I had an infected tooth that was ultimately extracted. That is acute suffering that has a more or less definite endpoint. But chronic longterm suffering seems to be a different story for me. That seems to be useless suffering that I would want to escape, and which I would want anybody else to avoid.

Oh hugs. I know what your going though there. it's soo bloody hard. and your always gotta put on a positive face when dealing with your aging parents. it's hard. so hard to see them being stripped of their life. i managed to keep my parents smiling until the end. either just by being there (not tooting my own horn. but i think just have any human contact for them was enough to get them to smile) and just doing little things that kept them busy. but watching every day life being taken from them is the hardest thing. you wish you could give them some of your years to make it easier on them. but crap life doesn't work that way.

Add to the fact that your alone, you don't have anyone you can unwind to at the end of the day. you can't even just go to someone to have a laugh to try and make the day feel better, instead your left with your own thoughts and nighmares about the situation. while there is support groups you can go to. and i did go to them. i didn't find them much help as people there are going though the same issues and they really can't take the burden of other people issues on board at the same time.

aging out sucks. if you have a large family network that can share the help. then i think it is manageable. but if your just one person trying to juggle everything. it makes the feeling being alone and trapped so much worse. at least from my experience of losing both my dad and mum in the same year.

 

[Maravillosa]

Oh hugs. I know what your going though there. it's soo bloody hard. and your always gotta put on a positive face when dealing with your aging parents. it's hard. so hard to see them being stripped of their life. i managed to keep my parents smiling until the end. either just by being there (not tooting my own horn. but i think just have any human contact for them was enough to get them to smile) and just doing little things that kept them busy. but watching every day life being taken from them is the hardest thing. you wish you could give them some of your years to make it easier on them. but crap life doesn't work that way.

Add to the fact that your alone, you don't have anyone you can unwind to at the end of the day. you can't even just go to someone to have a laugh to try and make the day feel better, instead your left with your own thoughts and nighmares about the situation. while there is support groups you can go to. and i did go to them. i didn't find them much help as people there are going though the same issues and they really can't take the burden of other people issues on board at the same time.

aging out sucks. if you have a large family network that can share the help. then i think it is manageable. but if your just one person trying to juggle everything. it makes the feeling being alone and trapped so much worse. at least from my experience of losing both my dad and mum in the same year.

Thank you. It is hard, though I am not completely alone. My brother runs most of the errands (he is the only one who can drive a car now: Mom is now unable to drive and I never learned how), takes charge of the conversation while doctors, nurses, social workers et al. visit, and in general works himself to the ground. I change Mom's diapers and try to keep her happy. What I do not like is that my brother discounts what I do: according to him, he does everything and I do nothing. I admit that he does a lot to help Mom, but he does not do everything to make the household run. When I told my brother last summer that I was feeling suicidal, he retorted that I am "always suicidal" (which is not quite true: even if I tend to regard suicide as my eventual Plan B for someday, I don't always feel like exiting the world at this moment) and that suicide is selfish. It is a shame that he was so unsympathetic, especially since he is experiencing the same things I am enduring. If and when I ctb, my brother will probably be angry at me and consider me a selfish hypocrite. (My other brother, who does not live with Mom and me, would probably think "oh, my crazy sister finally did it" and be more relieved than anything else.)

Mom's body will probably outlast her mind: I can easily see her living another 10 years, perhaps even more. I just hope that I can hang on (so to speak) and not ctb till after Mom is safely dead. It should give me enough time for me to finish my novel and get it published, God willing. Once my novel is published and Mom is dead, I would feel safe to ctb.

 

[ManWithNoName]

Age 35-40 is young relatively, except for those who become ill.

Companies are far more likely to hire someone in their twenties for a position than someone over 40. Exception might be if one is highly qualified for a highly specialized job that no one else can fill.

 

[Arbie]

IN ADDITION to all the reasons we might have to ctb do any of you ever think of aging as another reasonable motive to put an end to it? I'm especially asking this to people, who like me, have bad genetics and an increased risk of having serious illnesses, like Alzheimer's among other things.
But even aside from the diseases, just the plain old aging: baldness/white hairs, wrinkled skin, skin marks, weight gain and overall deminished physical capabilities. Just the idea of being an old person while you know that there are young people, whom you probably see everyday, out there just living it to the fullest is a disturbing idea to me.
Either I can be in my maximum level or i'd rather dissapear.
What's your opinions?

LOL...what age begins "an old person?"

 

[sunny.sativa]

Being old does not look appealing.

Disclaimer: I am not intentionally generalizing any of the folks here that fall under the age groups I'm about to mention. What I will say is based solely on my experience with the people I've met if these ages.

Anyways. Even by age 36, people seem to be like,"oh, weh, 40's coming. Life is gone. My ovaries hurt" and y'know it only gets worse from there. Of course there are preventative measures to be taken for arthritis, weakness, etc but.. y'know. C'mon. How many of these people are gonna put in that kind of effort?

I wanna always be young, and thin and pretty. That sounds arrogant and naive but my attitude is shit and my view on life is so bland, my looks are all I have at this point and I'm not even confident most of the time, so that's almost worthless, too. But getting old is just what happens. Not gonna stress over it.

Hell, might not even happen. Might get hit by a truck in six years, I don't know. Might as well stick around to find out. Not like I have anything better to do.

Fuckin around in an old folks' home and losing my last few marbles doesn't sound HORRIBLE but what do I know..?

 

[Pistolero114]

CTB because I AM an old person. Golden years my ass.

 

[not_a_robot]

Being old does not look appealing.

Disclaimer: I am not intentionally generalizing any of the folks here that fall under the age groups I'm about to mention. What I will say is based solely on my experience with the people I've met if these ages.

Anyways. Even by age 36, people seem to be like,"oh, weh, 40's coming. Life is gone. My ovaries hurt" and y'know it only gets worse from there. Of course there are preventative measures to be taken for arthritis, weakness, etc but.. y'know. C'mon. How many of these people are gonna put in that kind of effort?

I wanna always be young, and thin and pretty. That sounds arrogant and naive but my attitude is shit and my view on life is so bland, my looks are all I have at this point and I'm not even confident most of the time, so that's almost worthless, too. But getting old is just what happens. Not gonna stress over it.

Hell, might not even happen. Might get hit by a truck in six years, I don't know. Might as well stick around to find out. Not like I have anything better to do.

Fuckin around in an old folks' home and losing my last few marbles doesn't sound HORRIBLE but what do I know..?

Most old folks homes are abusive. Most people paid to "help" the old or infirm become abusive the second they aren't being watched. Believe it.
People who are paid to "help" are the cruelest of all, it activates some hateful instinct within them, to enjoy abusing anybody who can't fight back. Old people especially evoke buried parental hatred on the part of the "helpers". My ultimate nightmare is if I, god forbid, live long enough to end up imprisoned in one of those hellholes.

 

[HGL91]

Most old folks homes are abusive. Most people paid to "help" the old or infirm become abusive the second they aren't being watched. Believe it.
People who are paid to "help" are the cruelest of all, it activates some hateful instinct within them, to enjoy abusing anybody who can't fight back. Old people especially evoke buried parental hatred on the part of the "helpers". My ultimate nightmare is if I, god forbid, live long enough to end up imprisoned in one of those hellholes.

Oh, they're abusive even when they are watched. Once when I had clinical at a Nursing Home, this CNA was changing a very bony, elderly lady's bed sheets while the lady was in the bed, and she turned her to the side and told the woman to hold on to the bed railing and the woman hit her head on the railing and yelled "Ow!". And the nurse said "Oh, you're fine, mama." And then rolled the fitted sheet, and tucked it under her body. Turned her to the other side to yank out the fitted sheet and she continued to do this really quickly to then put a new one on, rolling the woman back and forth like pizza dough while the woman was wailing in pain!


I was a very timid 21 year old at the time and looked over at my friend that was also in the program and we were just both wide-eyed in shock by what we were witnessing...

 

[not_a_robot]

Oh, they're abusive even when they are watched. Once when I had clinical at a Nursing Home, this CNA was changing a very bony, elderly lady's bed sheets while the lady was in the bed, and she turned her to the side and told the woman to hold on to the bed railing and the woman hit her head on the railing and yelled "Ow!". And the nurse said "Oh, you're fine, mama." And then rolled the fitted sheet, and tucked it under her body. Turned her to the other side to yank out the fitted sheet and she continued to do this really quickly to then put a new one on, rolling the woman back and forth like pizza dough while the woman was wailing in pain!


I was a very timid 21 year old at the time and looked over at my friend that was also in the program and we were just both wide-eyed in shock by what we were witnessing...

God I hope a horrible accident kills me before I get old, if I remain too gutless to do it myself.

 

[ManWithNoName]

LOL...what age begins "an old person?"

And when do you think 'old' begins?

 

[Arbie]

never Answer a question with a question

 

[Xaphous]

I never got to enjoy being young, shit childhood, shit teenage years, no sex dating or employment in my 20s now I'm almost 30 with zero life experience. Getting older is the worst shit about being human.

 

[ManWithNoName]

never Answer a question with a question

Welcome to my ignore button, troll.

 

[Darkhaven]

LOL...what age begins "an old person?"

Subjective to each individual and to how each perceive it's own body/mind.

 

[not_a_robot]

Subjective to each individual and to how each perceive it's own body/mind.

I thought age was subjective til I turned 40. Now I know that 40 is old.

 

[blanketyblk]

I thought age was subjective til I turned 40. Now I know that 40 is old.

40's suck!!! haven't found anything good about being in my 40's yet. everyone says 40's is the new 30's. those bitches are lying i swear to god! at least i've still got clean skin and no wrinkles.... yet :-)

 

[NoGameNoLife]

I know I definitely want to CTB before I get to the point where I can't even wipe my own ass and am so dependent on someone else. That would just be hellish.
It's better to die with dignity while I still have the mental and physical ability to do so.

 

[Cleopatra123]

40's suck!!! haven't found anything good about being in my 40's yet. everyone says 40's is the new 30's. those bitches are lying i swear to god! at least i've still got clean skin and no wrinkles.... yet :-)

My friend, can you take a vacation: can you go see a play, etc. etc., a hike, swimming?

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I feel the same. Fuck getting old. Can't stand the thought.

Me neither I want to be a child again so it´s horrifying to see myself get older.

 

[Ixtabba]

I don't want to age, I want to leave a beautiful corpse, not something that's old and wrinkled. It terrifies me, it's my worst fear to be old... I want to choose when I die rather than wait for death to take me.

 

[sunny.sativa]

Most old folks homes are abusive. Most people paid to "help" the old or infirm become abusive the second they aren't being watched. Believe it.
People who are paid to "help" are the cruelest of all, it activates some hateful instinct within them, to enjoy abusing anybody who can't fight back. Old people especially evoke buried parental hatred on the part of the "helpers". My ultimate nightmare is if I, god forbid, live long enough to end up imprisoned in one of those hellholes.

That does sound awful. It makes me want to work at one of those places and be the change for some people, but.. I have to preserve what's left of my own sanity, and I don't believe employment in such a facility would aid haha

 

[Cleopatra123]

That does sound awful. It makes me want to work at one of those places and be the change for some people, but.. I have to preserve what's left of my own sanity, and I don't believe employment in such a facility would aid haha

I was a nurse in those places once, and I used every piece of my working hours to bring comfort, or a piece of joy. There were lot;s of CNA;s like that, but, Let's not throw out the baby with the bottle water, and put the blame, mostly, where it belongs. The medical industry with their poison pills and pockets full of money stolen from the suffering, who should be left in peace, and not kept alive to sit in squalor and misery

 

[blanketyblk]

 

[ManWithNoName]

Great presentation, thanks for posting.

Old age just plain sucks. It's bad enough to reach an age where society begins to impatiently hope that one fucks off and dies. But yeah - the loneliness. One can't just meet new friends like one can in their 20's, 30's,40's and even 50's. Poor woman in that interview. Ageing is a disease akin to leprosy - those photos of her and her husband show when there really young are amazing and just what the curse of time does to people.

 

[Kikoo Loool]

I definitelly don'tant to grow old. I think I would eventually catch the bus because of that if I dont do it for my other reasons before.

 

[Wayfaerer]

I see no reason to stick it out for much longer. I'm already approaching 30 and a complete mess now. If, purely hypothetically speaking, I decided not to end it then by the time I can even tolerate my existence I'll be 30. What would I have to look forward from then on? Mediocrity at best and gradual decay. There's really no point anymore.

I never got to enjoy being young, shit childhood, shit teenage years, no sex dating or employment in my 20s now I'm almost 30 with zero life experience. Getting older is the worst shit about being human.

I can very much relate to this. Just an overall shit life...