Story Crying every day

[ForgottenAgain]

I've been crying every day for the past several days. I've been doing EMDR with my psychologist and the last session affected me. He made me relive moments related to my mother's death, moments I can never forget.

Her scream while the ambulance doctors put her in a wheel chair. She moving past me in the wheel chair without even acknowledging I was there. Glassy eyes, looking at the distance, face swollen and cold.

Our goodbye was me touching her cheek while she was mentally not there.

That day she would be gone forever but I was 13 and I was happy for her going to the hospital because it meant she could finally get better. It was impossible for my mom to die in my eyes.

I never said goodbye.

 

[Have_a_nice_Life]

Regrets are inherently linked to grief, no amount of time is enough when spent alongside those we love. We always feel like we could have done more, like we could have said less or more. The reality is that there is no reality where one can accept to lose a loved one at first and no matter what logic even infallible can prevail on feelings.
No matter what you did, you would have always felt like you could have done more.
While what i say seems grim at first, it is not, it is not my point. My point is that ruminations ARE NOTHING but a cancer. Trying to bring logic to past events will only cause you pain even if sometimes it's your only way to cling onto the memory of someone you loved. But no, it's just toxic. What i'm trying to say is that you can't make peace using logic but you can MOVE ON by stop trying to find a justification. Move on by moving on not by remembering.
I do not pretend to bring answers as your pain is not my pain. Sorry if i sound patronizing. My point of view is JUST a point of view and no truth is immutable.


If you came here looking for support or just to vent i hear you. I am truly sorry that you have to go trough this. A strange world it is. You are brave even if i don't know you because you still stand here today.