Crushing loneliness and fatigue

[Enabran255]

I wish I could adequately describe what I've suffered through the past decade in my love life. I've lost the energy to even hope attempting that. Just nothing but devastating failure after failure as it's become apparent I am never meant to succeed. It's best summed up that I have a special version of Novikov's self-consistency principle, except twisted to ensure my love life remains desolate.

Everything is closing in these past two years and only gets progressively worse with the march of time. My options have been whittled away to nothing. I simply have no prayer - it's obvious to anyone who spends any discernible length of time talking to me that I am severely traumatized and depressed. That's a huge turnoff for romance, unless I could somehow meet someone who would empathize with that.

 

[PeacefulTonic]

Yeah honestly, you can't expect someone to love you if you don't love yourself. People already have enough problems of their own, they don't want another depressed person piling on more problems in their life. They want someone who's confident and knows what they're doing in their life. Someone who's stronger than themselves, who they can lean on. I know, because I was once that person, before I ruined everything

 

[FuneralCry]

I know that loneliness can be painful. I understand it can be a hopeless feeling when things just get worse. I'm sorry you are suffering. I hope you find peace.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Sorry man. It's really hard to attract anything when you're in a bad spiral, and I don't think you want to find a mate with serious problems, even if she does relate to you. It's probably only going to make for a poor relationship in the long run. It's the same even with empathy, I think. Like you wouldn't want someone who looks down on you in any way or feels that they have to take care of you, because I find that sympathy invariably comes with some form of pity and/or caregiving. That's a bad relationship dynamic.

I want to say the only way out is through self improvement, even though that sounds like a horrible cliché. It's not that you even have to succeed in anything really though or make massive strides. You just have to give off the impression that you're trying. It's like a lot of things in life - if you do your best, others will see that and the universe might throw you a bone. At least, that's what I have sometimes found. After all, it's not like others necessarily have it all together either. We're all struggling in our own ways. But people tend to find a good attitude and a positive upwards trajectory motivating and attractive.

 

[toforigivelife]

I can't put into words how much I empathize with you.

I wish we could be together, support each other financially in a shared home.

While I'm sure you could do better than a soon to be 53 years old chick, we could shelter each other from the outside world, we could dedicate ourselves to helping others who are in our position.

And most importantly, we'd understand each other.

I'm so, so sorry that you have to endure the pain that you are dealing with my friend. So very sorry.

 

[Enabran255]

Yeah honestly, you can't expect someone to love you if you don't love yourself. People already have enough problems of their own, they don't want another depressed person piling on more problems in their life. They want someone who's confident and knows what they're doing in their life. Someone who's stronger than themselves, who they can lean on. I know, because I was once that person, before I ruined everything

I know a lot of people think this way but I've seen plenty of counter examples to know it's not an absolute. Back when I was in college I witnessed a shy, withdrawn, depressed guy who spent all his time in the CS lab get uplifted by a girl who liked him. The way she transformed him for the better and brought him out of his shell was remarkable. They ended up getting married and having the true love happy ending so many desire.

Sorry man. It's really hard to attract anything when you're in a bad spiral, and I don't think you want to find a mate with serious problems, even if she does relate to you. It's probably only going to make for a poor relationship in the long run. It's the same even with empathy, I think. Like you wouldn't want someone who looks down on you in any way or feels that they have to take care of you, because I find that sympathy invariably comes with some form of pity and/or caregiving. That's a bad relationship dynamic.

I want to say the only way out is through self improvement, even though that sounds like a horrible cliché. It's not that you even have to succeed in anything really though or make massive strides. You just have to give off the impression that you're trying. It's like a lot of things in life - if you do your best, others will see that and the universe might throw you a bone. At least, that's what I have sometimes found. After all, it's not like others necessarily have it all together either. We're all struggling in our own ways. But people tend to find a good attitude and a positive upwards trajectory motivating and attractive.

Many years ago I made a very close friend online who could relate to my depression and suffering. As a bonus she shared a lot of the same interests as me (a feat in and of itself at my age), and our life situations as NEETs were relatable to each other. There was mutual interest in advancing things romantically. She didn't recoil at my depression, instead she had empathy and could relate. But because of my getting destroyed by severe bullying in my college days, I was hot garbage to any potential employer, so I had no way to make any appreciable income, despite my many efforts at voc rehab. That was the downfall of our relations. We inevitably drifted apart and she found someone else. A couple years ago she took her own life. Not long after that, my life situation improved to the point where I could have finally had the means to get together with her - one last cruel joke from this universe.

I can't put into words how much I empathize with you.

I wish we could be together, support each other financially in a shared home.

While I'm sure you could do better than a soon to be 53 years old chick, we could shelter each other from the outside world, we could dedicate ourselves to helping others who are in our position.

And most importantly, we'd understand each other.

I'm so, so sorry that you have to endure the pain that you are dealing with my friend. So very sorry.

Thanks for your kind thoughts. This kind of thing was exactly what my close friend and I often discussed over the years. In the end the outside world did her in.