endboss
New Member
- Apr 8, 2026
- 1
Hey, I am new here, been lurking for some time. I wanted to share my story. I have constantly worsening catastrophic tinnitus from benzos and antipsychotics, meds that I can't quit. I am suffering every day and have been for 6 years now, 3 of them with benzos that initially helped me for a short while, but then made me an addict and fried my brain and hearing system, without hope of it ever getting better again. I'm finished. I've done my research, I think. I don't know if this is interesting or not, but I'll just type away and put it out there.
I already had a lot on my plate with severe tinnitus and schizophrenia with depression when it began, but with benzos I got a monstrous addiction problem on top of everything that over time made my tinnitus a hundred times worse that what I started with. Now I struggle every hour of every day with this hellish noise and the anxiety and emotional suffering that comes with it.
I've always wanted to stay strong for my sister and family and I kind of managed to for years despite my pain, but I can't do it anymore. I have no fight left in me and I think it shows. My family never see me leaving my room, never going outside for a walk, hardly ever join them for dinner or a round of cards. I can't, because it's gotten so hard to 'play normal' and my anxiety ramps up when people talk or even laugh around me, because it can make the noises in my head permanently worse even at low levels. It's insane, I know. That is what benzos and antipsychotics can do to your hearing system. I also can't open up to my family anymore, because I want to protect them from the truth - that I am broken beyond repair and there is no hope anymore and that I want nothing more than this insanity to stop forever.
I know I am dying from this and the cruelty of it is that that I am losing despite all my tears and struggles. I don't want to leave my family behind like this, but I am driven by the dark uncontrollable forces in my head and the insane noise that consumes everything. My condition forces this on me every day, to think about death and suicide, to plan it and to fear it. All this makes me so desperate and sad and so alone.
The benzos helped with my tinnitus for a while and that is why I ignored all warning signs and became addicted fast. I regret it everyday and hate myself deeply for it. If I made one mistake in my life, this was it. Despite all my problems, I would have managed somehow I think. Its the benzos that put me on a road of no return. A place where noone can help you when it comes combined with antipsychotics and catastrophic tinnitus. It's a drug only the devil himself could have come up with. I tried to taper it, but that only made the noises worse faster and I ended up in psychiatry for a year.
I have survived 6 years altogether of this hell, hoping my system would eventually stabilize or that i can find a doctor or specialist, anyone who can help me but there are none for my case. I've tried everything I think.
The overwhelming majority of people with bad tinnitus learn to deal with it eventually. Some doctors prescribe benzos for bad tinnitus and people stay on them or quit them eventually without huge problems. Why not me? I was already broken. How can such a thing happen to me? How can this be even real? I never hurt anyone in my life. Why? Why something so cruel?
I've been schizo for like 20 years and it took a lot from me, I couldn't really work or have a girlfriend, but I had this little life before tinnitus and benzos where i wasn't suffering every day. I worked on my music, met with friends, enjoyed the company of my family when I could or watched Netflix. Now I'm either doomscrolling chatbots about how fucked I am or research how to best put an end to my life. With how fast I am getting worse now, finding a way out or an exit feels increasingly urgent. I must find a way out of this hell and that is why I am here. I think my best option right now is to hang. I have the rope with the knot and a tree in the woods nearby, but I am still too scared. What if I don't pass out quickly enough?
I already had a lot on my plate with severe tinnitus and schizophrenia with depression when it began, but with benzos I got a monstrous addiction problem on top of everything that over time made my tinnitus a hundred times worse that what I started with. Now I struggle every hour of every day with this hellish noise and the anxiety and emotional suffering that comes with it.
I've always wanted to stay strong for my sister and family and I kind of managed to for years despite my pain, but I can't do it anymore. I have no fight left in me and I think it shows. My family never see me leaving my room, never going outside for a walk, hardly ever join them for dinner or a round of cards. I can't, because it's gotten so hard to 'play normal' and my anxiety ramps up when people talk or even laugh around me, because it can make the noises in my head permanently worse even at low levels. It's insane, I know. That is what benzos and antipsychotics can do to your hearing system. I also can't open up to my family anymore, because I want to protect them from the truth - that I am broken beyond repair and there is no hope anymore and that I want nothing more than this insanity to stop forever.
I know I am dying from this and the cruelty of it is that that I am losing despite all my tears and struggles. I don't want to leave my family behind like this, but I am driven by the dark uncontrollable forces in my head and the insane noise that consumes everything. My condition forces this on me every day, to think about death and suicide, to plan it and to fear it. All this makes me so desperate and sad and so alone.
The benzos helped with my tinnitus for a while and that is why I ignored all warning signs and became addicted fast. I regret it everyday and hate myself deeply for it. If I made one mistake in my life, this was it. Despite all my problems, I would have managed somehow I think. Its the benzos that put me on a road of no return. A place where noone can help you when it comes combined with antipsychotics and catastrophic tinnitus. It's a drug only the devil himself could have come up with. I tried to taper it, but that only made the noises worse faster and I ended up in psychiatry for a year.
I have survived 6 years altogether of this hell, hoping my system would eventually stabilize or that i can find a doctor or specialist, anyone who can help me but there are none for my case. I've tried everything I think.
The overwhelming majority of people with bad tinnitus learn to deal with it eventually. Some doctors prescribe benzos for bad tinnitus and people stay on them or quit them eventually without huge problems. Why not me? I was already broken. How can such a thing happen to me? How can this be even real? I never hurt anyone in my life. Why? Why something so cruel?
I've been schizo for like 20 years and it took a lot from me, I couldn't really work or have a girlfriend, but I had this little life before tinnitus and benzos where i wasn't suffering every day. I worked on my music, met with friends, enjoyed the company of my family when I could or watched Netflix. Now I'm either doomscrolling chatbots about how fucked I am or research how to best put an end to my life. With how fast I am getting worse now, finding a way out or an exit feels increasingly urgent. I must find a way out of this hell and that is why I am here. I think my best option right now is to hang. I have the rope with the knot and a tree in the woods nearby, but I am still too scared. What if I don't pass out quickly enough?
