Venting Crashing out because I keep failing at partial hanging

[peridot-tears]

I thought I found the right spot while practicing for this before, but for some reason I can't get it right tonight. I had the rope on my pulse points like I'd done before but I just can't seem to pass out. My ears started ringing and my hands got tingly, but that was about it—just me fully conscious by my bedpost like a sad idiot. I guess I could try again tonight, but I'm angry and tired and just want to go to bed at this point. My head hurts, my lips hurt, and oddly enough my teeth (gums I guess?) hurt. Why can't I get this right? It's so easy for people to die accidentally; it shouldn't need to be this hard to do it on purpose. I really wish you could go to the doctors and be put down, no questions asked. Just a simple, "hi, I got put on this planet with every expectation placed on my shoulders, no support from parents because I'm 21 so obviously I should have had everything figured out by now, and every struggle will always be my fault somehow. I'd like to be done, please." and then slip away like I were falling asleep. Everything physically hurts right now, like a migraine that won't go away.

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand just wanting to be gone, all I hope for is to never suffer ever again and it's just so cruel to me how there isn't the option to just simply cease existing in peace as all I wish for is to fall asleep permanently, it's so dreadful to me how trying to die can go wrong, I just wish for an guaranteed way to be free from it all with no more pain and no more suffering. But anyway I wish you the best, I hope you find peace.