_sinner_
Member
- Jul 25, 2025
- 9
Cowardice is the only thing that holds me back from killing myself, and that's a truth I'm forced to wake up to.
I know what I am, I know I burden everyone around me, I know I've already failed at life. I'm barely getting by college, I don't know why I ever took that risk. Still no job. I can't really do people anymore. I know I'm not really part of them, I guess. I've never really felt like a person. I don't deserve to.
And I don't even want to live at this point, I wake up depressed or anxiety so bad I feel like I'm going to die anyway. I go through the day rotting and my brain going from one extreme to another in the span of a few hours, and it's exhausting. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of it all. I truly just want to be done, and no one irl would even believe me because I don't do anything that would make it obvious, nor have I attempted except one half assed attempt when I was 14 that no one found out about anyway.
I'm not proud of being a coward. Not happy with it, either, because I just want this shit to end. But it never will, because instead of acting I just go blank and be a lazy piece of shit as usual. I've already fucked up enough and yet I can't do the one thing that would make it end. Ridiculous.
Sorry to take up too much space here, I just don't really have anywhere else, and I've came to this site on and off for a few years now. Good people here, I think.
I know what I am, I know I burden everyone around me, I know I've already failed at life. I'm barely getting by college, I don't know why I ever took that risk. Still no job. I can't really do people anymore. I know I'm not really part of them, I guess. I've never really felt like a person. I don't deserve to.
And I don't even want to live at this point, I wake up depressed or anxiety so bad I feel like I'm going to die anyway. I go through the day rotting and my brain going from one extreme to another in the span of a few hours, and it's exhausting. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of it all. I truly just want to be done, and no one irl would even believe me because I don't do anything that would make it obvious, nor have I attempted except one half assed attempt when I was 14 that no one found out about anyway.
I'm not proud of being a coward. Not happy with it, either, because I just want this shit to end. But it never will, because instead of acting I just go blank and be a lazy piece of shit as usual. I've already fucked up enough and yet I can't do the one thing that would make it end. Ridiculous.
Sorry to take up too much space here, I just don't really have anywhere else, and I've came to this site on and off for a few years now. Good people here, I think.
