ringo99
Arcanist
- Apr 18, 2023
- 404
Before you get mad please understand that I'm not belittling or making light of the situation of millions who have suffered under the pandemic. This only pertains to how I feel and how the pandemic affected me in the last 3+ years.
I joined my current job in 2014. I've never been happy in this industry but my country offers few options to shift easily. Now in my 30s I'm pretty much locked in where I am with little hope of change. I'm not a smart or creative person so I'm just plodding along until the sweet release of death. To add to my extreme discomfort I was forced to be around people at my office and interact with them regularly. I didn't necessarily dislike all of them but human interaction is something I've never been good at and talking to people in person causes extreme stress that I do my best to hide.
Then came covid.
All of us were forced to work from home. A lot of the younger people in my team hated it but us "old" salts loved the idea of not having to cough our way through hours of smog and traffic to reach a sterile lifeless cubicle. For me it was literally like escaping a waking nightmare (partially). I could stay home and communicate through my screen. My current manager is really nice which is a rarity in this industry and he's allowed us to wfh as long as we need. Haven't seen my colleagues' faces in years and honestly it'd be the best job I'd ever have if it weren't for the fact that hate where I am in life right now.
Covid gave me quite a bit of free time and allowed me to time to introspect which allowed me to arrive at my decision to ctb as soon as I'm fired. I'm not ever going to improve my station in life. My inability to form relationships means I'm definitely going to die alone. I'm terrified at the prospect of aging without being able to afford decent living conditions in the future. In summary covid and SS allowed me to arrive at a decision to ctb instead of suffering meaninglessly through a life that's only going to become more miserable as I age. I also owe a lot to the wonderful people on this forum who've guided me through ctb methods and been patient with my ramblings over the last few months.
I joined my current job in 2014. I've never been happy in this industry but my country offers few options to shift easily. Now in my 30s I'm pretty much locked in where I am with little hope of change. I'm not a smart or creative person so I'm just plodding along until the sweet release of death. To add to my extreme discomfort I was forced to be around people at my office and interact with them regularly. I didn't necessarily dislike all of them but human interaction is something I've never been good at and talking to people in person causes extreme stress that I do my best to hide.
Then came covid.
All of us were forced to work from home. A lot of the younger people in my team hated it but us "old" salts loved the idea of not having to cough our way through hours of smog and traffic to reach a sterile lifeless cubicle. For me it was literally like escaping a waking nightmare (partially). I could stay home and communicate through my screen. My current manager is really nice which is a rarity in this industry and he's allowed us to wfh as long as we need. Haven't seen my colleagues' faces in years and honestly it'd be the best job I'd ever have if it weren't for the fact that hate where I am in life right now.
Covid gave me quite a bit of free time and allowed me to time to introspect which allowed me to arrive at my decision to ctb as soon as I'm fired. I'm not ever going to improve my station in life. My inability to form relationships means I'm definitely going to die alone. I'm terrified at the prospect of aging without being able to afford decent living conditions in the future. In summary covid and SS allowed me to arrive at a decision to ctb instead of suffering meaninglessly through a life that's only going to become more miserable as I age. I also owe a lot to the wonderful people on this forum who've guided me through ctb methods and been patient with my ramblings over the last few months.
