starship
Member
- Jan 19, 2024
- 9
Up until recently I've always thought that I would wait until my mom was gone before would blatantly CTB.
My reasoning is that I know everyone else would eventually get over it; my two brothers, sister, and father - but my mom wouldn't be able to live another day without suffering from my directed and obviously self-inflicted passing. I've always though the cliche question "would you rather know when you die, or how you die?" was so dumb - the answer was always so obvious to me... I already know how I'm going to die, but I'd like to know when I'll get the courage and/or opportunity to do it.
I remember being 13 years old telling my alcoholic abusive father that I was going to CTB, and his response being "you might try but I've never had the balls to, so I doubt you will."
Back to the mom thing - I do love my mother but I have so much pain in my life that I don't know if I can wait. She might live to 110 years old, I have no idea. I've thought about finding ways to do it without making it blatantly obvious that I did it... something like getting wasted and driving off a cliff or electrocuting myself working on a fuse box (not my work sector, so unconvincing). I'm starting to like the driving off a cliff idea more and more as the days go on. At least then I could fulfill my dream without having to make my mom go through the rest of her days in agony about a failed upbringing. I know a lot of folks on here do not like their parents, but I do like one of mine so please don't come in here with that stuff.
My questions are:
1) How does a person who seemingly has a lot going for them find the courage to CTB? I have silently known my whole like from childhood that I want to do this.
2) Are there any ways to stage the endeavour like an accident or mistake rather than a concerted attempt? I haven't seen any methods on here that are conducive to that kind of thing but I think a big population of us might be better relieved if we shared ideas.
Cheers,
son, poor brother, and poor friend
My reasoning is that I know everyone else would eventually get over it; my two brothers, sister, and father - but my mom wouldn't be able to live another day without suffering from my directed and obviously self-inflicted passing. I've always though the cliche question "would you rather know when you die, or how you die?" was so dumb - the answer was always so obvious to me... I already know how I'm going to die, but I'd like to know when I'll get the courage and/or opportunity to do it.
I remember being 13 years old telling my alcoholic abusive father that I was going to CTB, and his response being "you might try but I've never had the balls to, so I doubt you will."
Back to the mom thing - I do love my mother but I have so much pain in my life that I don't know if I can wait. She might live to 110 years old, I have no idea. I've thought about finding ways to do it without making it blatantly obvious that I did it... something like getting wasted and driving off a cliff or electrocuting myself working on a fuse box (not my work sector, so unconvincing). I'm starting to like the driving off a cliff idea more and more as the days go on. At least then I could fulfill my dream without having to make my mom go through the rest of her days in agony about a failed upbringing. I know a lot of folks on here do not like their parents, but I do like one of mine so please don't come in here with that stuff.
My questions are:
1) How does a person who seemingly has a lot going for them find the courage to CTB? I have silently known my whole like from childhood that I want to do this.
2) Are there any ways to stage the endeavour like an accident or mistake rather than a concerted attempt? I haven't seen any methods on here that are conducive to that kind of thing but I think a big population of us might be better relieved if we shared ideas.
Cheers,
son, poor brother, and poor friend
