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[Xi-Xi]

おやすみ XiXi

I'm not tired, you're from the future anyway

129 813

 

[mjolnir]

129.814

 

[Sphinxi]

129,813

 

[Arvayn]

129,812

Hello, Sphinxi. Welcome back.

 

[mjolnir]

129.813

 

[Arvayn]

129,812

I was told to be quiet for 48 hours, so I am staying home... again. It's like the world doesn't want me out of my home. Ha.

 

[Sphinxi]

129,811
Hi, I'm back:P I have to do this bullshit mental health program for my school because I was recently hospitalized

 

[Arvayn]

129,810

Ah, I know of those... They are laughably inefficient. "Hurting people is bad! Suicide is bad!", like that would ever convince anyone.

 

[Sphinxi]

129,811
Yeah, they just seem to take for granted that suicide is wrong. I try to explain that some people are just meant for it, that I knew I would die this way since I was very young, but they just recommend more and more extreme 'support' options. I hate psych majors. It doesn't help that my case manager isn't the brightest.
How is everyone?

 

[Arvayn]

129,810

I caught a life-threatening upper jaw infection. I'll be discharged from the hospital in a few hours. They've taken care of it.
Having been presented with the option to just let myself die, I took the time to ask myself if I should let it happen. After all, I have many things to be unsatisfied for, and what I do enjoy in life doesn't grant me much of an existential oomph, anyway. I decided against it for three reasons: My best friend would be sad, I might fall in love again, and I need to finish hosting my game for some other friend.

 

[Sphinxi]

129,811
I hope your jaw gets better. Having a purpose is good. Even if it is seemingly silly. Your reasoning is analogous to mine, I just don't really have any friends or family. It's more a matter of getting over my survival instinct at the moment. I might go into the city at some point to buy xanax, so that I can ctb without caring

 

[Xi-Xi]

129 810

 

[Arvayn]

129,809

129,811
I hope your jaw gets better. Having a purpose is good. Even if it is seemingly silly. Your reasoning is analogous to mine, I just don't really have any friends or family. It's more a matter of getting over my survival instinct at the moment. I might go into the city at some point to buy xanax, so that I can ctb without caring

I see. Yes, heavily sedating yourself with medicine beforehand might just do the trick with helping muster the courage. You are a very intelligent and pleasant person, so it's always a shame to hear about this from you.
If I ever become dead set on killing myself, my method of choice is research-grade opioids combined with an overdose on sedatives. They're very expensive, but they are also perfectly unregulated and legal where I live, since they're literally too pure and potent to be safely used recreationally-- hence druggies and law enforcement alike having no interest in them.
For the time being, though, I am going onwards. It would take some truly exceptional circumstances to bring me to that point... even if I become homeless, I'll just enlist in the military and keep moving.

 

[Xi-Xi]

129,809

I see. Yes, heavily sedating yourself with medicine beforehand might just do the trick with helping muster the courage. You are a very intelligent and pleasant person, so it's always a shame to hear about this from you.
If I ever become dead set on killing myself, my method of choice is research-grade opioids combined with an overdose on sedatives. They're very expensive, but they are also perfectly unregulated and legal where I live, since they're literally too pure and potent to be safely used recreationally-- hence druggies and law enforcement alike having no interest in them.
For the time being, though, I am going onwards. It would take some truly exceptional circumstances to bring me to that point... even if I become homeless, I'll just enlist in the military and keep moving.

129 808

Ah, it's good to hear that you're not suicidal. I think I already knew that, but the reassurance is good.

If I were to kill myself, it would probably be by jumping. Even though I have easy access to SN (if I run out, I could easily just... make more), I think it would be funnier if I just
like
didn't use it

 

[Arvayn]

129,807

Ah, it's good to hear that you're not suicidal. I think I already knew that, but the reassurance is good.

If I were to kill myself, it would probably be by jumping. Even though I have easy access to SN (if I run out, I could easily just... make more), I think it would be funnier if I just
like
didn't use it

Yes, I did tell you in the past. I theorize about how I'd accomplish it if I wanted to, but that's about it.
Jumping is a quick and efficient method, so long as you pick a sufficient height. Just a few days ago, I did a deep dive into researching the mechanics of death by falling, and the results for suicidals are promising (so long as they jump from somewhere adequately tall enough for someone of their weight). I think it's an underrated way to die; the drawback is that it takes a lot of discipline and fearlessness.
Even though SN is treated as something of a holy grail here, it would be very far from my first choice (even though my country hasn't caught on yet, and I can literally just buy it from anywhere). Sure, it's "painless"... As in, there's no nerve pain. You'll still feel panic, shortness of breath, incredible burning and aching, your muscles locking up... Just not nice. At least jumping literally causes instant death.

 

[Xi-Xi]

129,807

Yes, I did tell you in the past. I theorize about how I'd accomplish it if I wanted to, but that's about it.
Jumping is a quick and efficient method, so long as you pick a sufficient height. Just a few days ago, I did a deep dive into researching the mechanics of death by falling, and the results for suicidals are promising (so long as they jump from somewhere adequately tall enough for someone of their weight). I think it's an underrated way to die; the drawback is that it takes a lot of discipline and fearlessness.
Even though SN is treated as something of a holy grail here, it would be very far from my first choice (even though my country hasn't caught on yet, and I can literally just buy it from anywhere). Sure, it's "painless"... As in, there's no nerve pain. You'll still feel panic, shortness of breath, incredible burning and aching, your muscles locking up... Just not nice. At least jumping literally causes instant death.

I'm at a height where it's definitely possible for me to die by falling, to the point where I have to psych myself up to not do it sometimes.

Wow, you can buy it from anywhere? Do you have any?

129, 806

 

[Arvayn]

129,805

I'm at a height where it's definitely possible for me to die by falling, to the point where I have to psych myself up to not do it sometimes.

Wow, you can buy it from anywhere? Do you have any?

The call of the void is always tempting...

Yeah, pretty much. I don't have any, since I don't want any.

 

[Sphinxi]

129,809

I see. Yes, heavily sedating yourself with medicine beforehand might just do the trick with helping muster the courage. You are a very intelligent and pleasant person, so it's always a shame to hear about this from you.
If I ever become dead set on killing myself, my method of choice is research-grade opioids combined with an overdose on sedatives. They're very expensive, but they are also perfectly unregulated and legal where I live, since they're literally too pure and potent to be safely used recreationally-- hence druggies and law enforcement alike having no interest in them.
For the time being, though, I am going onwards. It would take some truly exceptional circumstances to bring me to that point... even if I become homeless, I'll just enlist in the military and keep moving.

Yes, I have been saving up my quetiapine as well. I appreciate the kind comment. I think I am going to pick jumping as my method. It's very romantic, don't you think? Hopefully the drug cocktail makes it easy to jump, almost slip off.

It's good that you want to live. I admire the tenacity

 

[boddibo]

129,807

 

[SleeplessAndSad]

129,806

 

[Xi-Xi]

129 805

 

[Arvayn]

129,804

Wow, you're up early...

 

[EmptyBottle]

129,805

 

[NoPoint2Life]

129,806

 

[EmptyBottle]

129,807

 

[NoPoint2Life]

129,808

 

[Xi-Xi]

For a second I was confused as to why I got like 12 notifications, then I realized @EmptyBottle was probably here

129 807

 

[Arvayn]

129,806

You can always rely on EmptyBottle to bomb your notifications tab.

 

[NoPoint2Life]

I'm not complaining and I don't care if it's done or not, but I will never for the life of me understand the point of reacting belatedly in the counting games

129,807

 

[Xi-Xi]

129 806

Yeah, I don't see the point.

Anyway, how are you guys?