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Arvayn

Arvayn

Face the end.
Nov 11, 2025
132
129,094

I'm the actual psycho here, and you scare even me..
Outpsycho'd a psycho. I can now insert that onto the list of notable things I've done. Excellent.
It's okay, I am mentally ill too... I'm just schizoid instead of psychopathic.
 
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Xi-Xi

Xi-Xi

The Next Phantom Thief (Fae/Faer)
Nov 19, 2025
159
129,094


Outpsycho'd a psycho. I can now insert that onto the list of notable things I've done. Excellent.
It's okay, I am mentally ill too... I'm just schizoid instead of psychopathic.
Makes me wonder how you even got here, to SaSu and all...

129 093
 
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Arvayn

Arvayn

Face the end.
Nov 11, 2025
132
129,092
Makes me wonder how you even got here, to SaSu and all...
To be honest, I did not look for this site. Tantacrul's video introduced me to it, and from the way he described it, I got curious and really wanted to see these "predatory death cultists" for myself; rotten people are very interesting to me, after all.
I lurked around and quickly found out that that was a load of bullshit. I stumbled upon a thread named 'Ask a mortician.' by a user named 'mehdone', and I read the entire thing. As someone studying to become a mortician, I appreciated the thread and I made an account for the express purpose of thanking mehdone and asking him a few questions myself.
After that, I found the community here to be pretty novel, so I stuck around, seeing as I already went the whole way of making an account. I will probably disappear without warning one day...

I am not even suicidal, though I did attempt in the past and also had major depression (cured now). I just think the people here are really, really intriguing, and it's a nice space for me to show my eccentric side that I keep hidden from people in person. One of the struggles of being someone who actually likes weird people is that, in real life, they do not go around waving a sign that says "I AM WEIRD", so that just leaves me with the internet.
 
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Xi-Xi

Xi-Xi

The Next Phantom Thief (Fae/Faer)
Nov 19, 2025
159
129,092

To be honest, I did not look for this site. Tantacrul's video introduced me to it, and from the way he described it, I got curious and really wanted to see these "predatory death cultists" for myself; rotten people are very interesting to me, after all.
I lurked around and quickly found out that that was a load of bullshit. I stumbled upon a thread named 'Ask a mortician.' by a user named 'mehdone', and I read the entire thing. As someone studying to become a mortician, I appreciated the thread and I made an account for the express purpose of thanking mehdone and asking him a few questions myself.
After that, I found the community here to be pretty novel, so I stuck around, seeing as I already went the whole way of making an account. I will probably disappear without warning one day...

I am not even suicidal, though I did attempt in the past and also had major depression (cured now). I just think the people here are really, really intriguing, and it's a nice space for me to show my eccentric side that I keep hidden from people in person. One of the struggles of being someone who actually likes weird people is that, in real life, they do not go around waving a sign that says "I AM WEIRD", so that just leaves me with the internet.
129 091

Do you have hobbies? You are a very interesting person to me.
 
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Arvayn

Arvayn

Face the end.
Nov 11, 2025
132
129,091

Do you have hobbies? You are a very interesting person to me.
Thanks. I think you are very interesting too. I remember reading your posts a month ago and thinking: "I want to talk to this person one day.". You seem positively unique, to my standards at least.

My hobbies are writing, esotericism, thanatology, metaphysics, occasional gaming (mostly board games nowadays) and watching online videos (usually edutainment); I am also quite an avid listener of music. I might be missing some, consciously listing off all my interests is rough.
 
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Xi-Xi

Xi-Xi

The Next Phantom Thief (Fae/Faer)
Nov 19, 2025
159
129,091


Thanks. I think you are very interesting too. I remember reading your posts a month ago and thinking: "I want to talk to this person one day.". You seem positively unique, to my standards at least.

My hobbies are writing, esotericism, thanatology, metaphysics, occasional gaming (mostly board games nowadays) and watching online videos (usually edutainment); I am also quite an avid listener of music. I might be missing some, consciously listing off all my interests is rough.
What makes me unique in your eyes?

129 092
Also I thought you were on the side of chaos, what happened
 
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Arvayn

Arvayn

Face the end.
Nov 11, 2025
132
129,092
What makes me unique in your eyes?
My, fishing for compliments, are you?
...Just kidding.

TL;DR: Fascination with mental condition, impressive knowledge, admirable temperament

The first thing that jumped out to me and encouraged me to dig is the fact that you are a diagnosed psychopath. Those are rare, and I've never had the privilege of meeting such an individual before; I think that even a small interaction can help me advance my understanding of how the condition truly manifests, without all the endless dogma and fearmongering surrounding it.
I also noticed that you speak multiple languages, are knowledgeable on non-European history (which I haven't the slightest clue about), and are a capable chemist. I think that you're really educated and intellectually capable, and it shows in the way you carry yourself. I like educated people, ESPECIALLY in fields that I don't master; I think they are much easier and productive to converse with, and on top of that I generally tend to be more likeminded to them.
Lastly, I actually enjoy your character and general temperament. You seem somewhat comfortable with morbid subjects (if being on this website is any indication of that), as well as not being prone to moralizing subjects. You're also not scared to voice more questionable thoughts; I love when people break the social script like that. Not only is it a display of confidence, it also feels really honest to me, and I'm sick of people who base themselves around other's opinions.

All of these things, when mixed together and taken as one ensemble, are... well, a very one-of-a-kind individual.
 
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Xi-Xi

Xi-Xi

The Next Phantom Thief (Fae/Faer)
Nov 19, 2025
159
129,092

My, fishing for compliments, are you?
...Just kidding.
Well, half that, and half because I'm genuinely interested. I'm not a very remarkable person, and I'm not used to being seen as more than just a face on the internet. And also I need self validation.

129 061
 
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Arvayn

Arvayn

Face the end.
Nov 11, 2025
132
129,090

Well, half that, and half because I'm genuinely interested. I'm not a very remarkable person, and I'm not used to being seen as more than just a face on the internet. And also I need self validation.
Give yourself some more credit. You're probably just used to yourself to the point that you don't seem remarkable anymore.
Faces on the internet may be anonymous, but there is still a real person behind those funny letters on the screen, putting thought and feeling into them...
 
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Xi-Xi

Xi-Xi

The Next Phantom Thief (Fae/Faer)
Nov 19, 2025
159
I'm sick of people who base themselves around other's opinions.

All of these things, when mixed together and taken as one ensemble, are... well, a very one-of-a-kind individual.
Me as well. I hate yes men–people who completely base themselves around other's wills. Kind of seems like slavery to me.

Unlike you though, I do actively want to take my own life, so I, too, could go quiet.
129 089
 
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Arvayn

Arvayn

Face the end.
Nov 11, 2025
132
129,088

Me as well. I hate yes men–people who completely base themselves around other's wills. Kind of seems like slavery to me.
Right? It really is a form of self-induced slavery. Not to mention how superficial it is... and it is impossible to please everyone! What even is the point?

Unlike you though, I do actively want to take my own life, so I, too, could go quiet.
A tragedy, but death's cold, numbing hand comes for us all eventually. I don't know you and the decision will always be in your hands, but for the time being, I think I am happy you were alive for long enough for us to have this discussion, and I selfishly hope it may go on just a little longer. I'm sure that you can clock out at any time you choose, anyway... And you have a lot of discipline to be putting up with your abhorrent circumstances. I may think myself tenacious, but you're actually living it.

And, yes, going quietly is fine. Preferred, even. People have no right to know anything about us, and it causes an unnecessary shitstorm, anyway.
 
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chrysalisuponme

chrysalisuponme

Oh my little butterfly
May 4, 2025
11
129,093

welcome (back?) @chrysalisuponme
Hahaha thanks a lot :happy:, I was quite active a few months ago but never really posted anything, thought I'd make a change!

129 089
 
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EternalShore

EternalShore

Hardworking Lass who Dreams of Love~ 💕✨
Jun 9, 2023
1,792
129,090
 
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Xi-Xi

Xi-Xi

The Next Phantom Thief (Fae/Faer)
Nov 19, 2025
159
129,088


Right? It really is a form of self-induced slavery. Not to mention how superficial it is... and it is impossible to please everyone! What even is the point?
I'm really not sure, people are allowed to disagree, it's part of being human. No need to live in an unrealistic utopia where everyone perfectly understands each other at all times!
A tragedy, but death's cold, numbing hand comes for us all eventually. I don't know you and the decision will always be in your hands, but for the time being, I think I am happy you were alive for long enough for us to have this discussion, and I selfishly hope it may go on just a little longer. I'm sure that you can clock out at any time you choose, anyway... And you have a lot of discipline to be putting up with your abhorrent circumstances. I may think myself tenacious, but you're actually living it.

And, yes, going quietly is fine. Preferred, even. People have no right to know anything about us, and it causes an unnecessary shitstorm, anyway.
Don't worry, it probably won't be anytime soon. However, I am really lucky; I live on a high floor, I have an industrial-grade rope, multiple chemicals that can kill me, easy access to a firearm, I really am lucky I have the choice to stop existing if I really want to. But the scientist in me wants to see just how much of this torture I can endure before I finally resort to death by my own hands.

129 091
Hello. Don't really see you around these parts.



And I know this is a complete 180 in terms of theming, but, YOO THEY BROUGHT xenAWESOME BACK THANK FUCKING GOD
 
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U. A.

U. A.

"Ultra Based Gigachad"
Aug 8, 2022
2,425
129,092

huh, wonder why it even vanished...maybe an update bug.
 
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U. A.

U. A.

"Ultra Based Gigachad"
Aug 8, 2022
2,425
129,094
Revealed content
wait, THIS is the one you use? i thought you used the one with the circular pfp frame but you use the fucked up broken one? hahahah

1768867233729
 
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Arvayn

Arvayn

Face the end.
Nov 11, 2025
132
129,093

But the scientist in me wants to see just how much of this torture I can endure before I finally resort to death by my own hands.
Not going to lie, I also have a pretty fucked up interest in pushing myself to limits and then seeing if I can crawl out. It's just this innate curiosity... Plus, so long as it feels like there's a chance, might as well take it, right?

I had a phase for a few months where I was trying to put myself in as much physical pain as possible in an attempt to test my pain tolerance and see what is truly unbearable for me. I have always had unnatural pain tolerance ever since childhood; my mind is VERY disconnected from my bodily sensations. Didn't bother with cutting myself, since I knew that's nothing. I ran my left hand under hot steam and burnt my flesh (still have discoloration because of it), had surgical operations done on me without anesthesia, rubbed myself against abrasive surfaces to the point of bleeding, lived with tissue necrosis...
Eventually, I reached the point where I had an exposed nerve in my mouth from an unfinished tooth removal, and curiosity got the better of me. I pinched and I pulled on it. Safe to say, the pain was mind melting and sent me into shock; I had reached my limit then. Despite this, I'd say that I am not a masochist! I dislike pain.


And I know this is a complete 180 in terms of theming, but, YOO THEY BROUGHT xenAWESOME BACK THANK FUCKING GOD
Also, YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
 
U. A.

U. A.

"Ultra Based Gigachad"
Aug 8, 2022
2,425
129,094
Revealed content
In my defense I also don't use a computer. It looks a lot cleaner on mobile.

computer autocorrected to condom wtf
ridiculously hilarious, and also true enough no "post title goes here" by DohTheme lmao

1768868180338
 
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Arvayn

Arvayn

Face the end.
Nov 11, 2025
132
129,093

xenAwesome is not very Awesome for me, because I'd rather not have to be blinded by THE LIGHT OF FATE every time I want to browse this forum at night. And also, I'm usually on my computer.
 
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