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[Arvayn]

128,540

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[Xi-Xi]

128 539

 

[Arvayn]

128,538

Hello, Xi-Xi.

 

[Xi-Xi]

Hi Arvayn

128 537

 

[Arvayn]

128,536

 

[Xi-Xi]

128 535

You didn't talk about anything interesting while I was gone, did you?

 

[Arvayn]

128,534

What gives? We did have a short discussion about incels and why cannibals wouldn't like suicidal people (they'd taste bad).
Yesterday, it was a brief talk about hobbies.

 

[Xi-Xi]

Ah... Unfortunately, I relapsed, so I don't feel great...

128 533

 

[RiderNo.4]

128,534

Ah... Unfortunately, I relapsed, so I don't feel great...

128 533

Wdym relapsed Xixi? If you don't mind me asking.

 

[Arvayn]

128,533

Ah, man... That fucking sucks. Back to square one. If you did it once, you can do it again! Though, I won't bore you with pleasantries and platitudes right now. Take as much time to yourself as you need, not that I need to tell you. You have my ear and sympathies.

 

[Xi-Xi]

128,534

Wdym relapsed Xixi? If you don't mind me asking.

I cut...

128,533

Ah, man... That fucking sucks. Back to square one. If you did it once, you can do it again! Though, I won't bore you with pleasantries and platitudes right now. Take as much time to yourself as you need, not that I need to tell you. You have my ear and sympathies.

Thank you, truly. I'm glad I have someone to talk to on this site

128 532

 

[Arvayn]

128,531

Make sure to care for the wounds, if you can...

 

[Xi-Xi]

128,531

Make sure to care for the wounds, if you can...

I did, I'm just in the part of the eternal loop where I feel intense regret and hatred for myself, which leads me to cut again, continuing the everlasting circle of hatred and suffering...
128 530

 

[Arvayn]

128,529

I see... I'm sure that my words here probably ring rather hollow, seeing as I'm a stranger who doesn't know you well, but whatever your reasons for self-hatred might be, I believe that there is no truly evil or objectively bad person, and that extends to you. And, cutting doesn't make you pathetic or lesser. The way I see it, it was the best thing you had available for venting off the immense amount of stress you were dealing with at that moment, tragic as it is. You're only human.
Hopefully, one day, you'll be lucky enough to find something else to resort to... The circle is a stubborn beast to battle, though.

 

[Xi-Xi]

128,529

I see... I'm sure that my words here probably ring rather hollow, seeing as I'm a stranger who doesn't know you well, but whatever your reasons for self-hatred might be, I believe that there is no truly evil or objectively bad person, and that extends to you. And, cutting doesn't make you pathetic or lesser. The way I see it, it was the best thing you had available for venting off the immense amount of stress you were dealing with at that moment, tragic as it is. You're only human.
Hopefully, one day, you'll be lucky enough to find something else to resort to... The circle is a stubborn beast to battle, though.

Thank you so much... I'm really trying to stop, but I've been doing it more and more often... Even though I do not feel emotion, this is somehow really getting to me...

128 528

 

[Arvayn]

128,527

I also have a condition that makes me not feel emotion. Though, emotion does not have to be felt in order to be experienced, as confusing as that is. Our brains are very insidious things... Even if you don't feel anything, sometimes, the simple act of doing it is strong enough to teach our subconscious the pattern of self-harm and self-hatred, and it'll keep doing it because it's "normal". Once it gets rolling, it's incredibly difficult to break it, because you are essentially going against your own mind and body. That takes inhuman resolve. So, the fact that you are even trying to stop it is notable and commendable in itself. And even if you relapsed, you had the capacity to hold off and resist for quite a while... there's clear potential for improvement there.

Probably the worst part is when you only have yourself to talk to, and nobody to pull you out of bad thought loops, so I'm really proud of you for being courageous enough to open up about it. That's smart of you.

 

[darksouls]

128,528

 

[LionsTigersAndBears]

128,529

 

[RiderNo.4]

128,530

I cut...

128 532

I understand, I resort to the same thing. Arvayn put it very nicely, it's the best thing you had available, and that shouldn't bring on feelings of shame - you had a problem and you dealt with it.

Please do not think I am judging in anyway, but saying you cut and that you do not experience any emotions, seem very contrary. Recognising emotions, and accepting that you feel such strong ones, is an early step in getting better.

 

[Arvayn]

128,529

Please do not think I am judging in anyway, but saying you cut and that you do not experience any emotions, seem very contrary. Recognising emotions, and accepting that you feel such strong ones, is an early step in getting better.

I'm not trying to speak for Xi-Xi since she knows herself best, but it doesn't sound too contrary to me personally. You don't have to feel an emotion in order for it to drive you; muted feelings are much a thing that exists, and they're incredibly confusing if the person having them can't spot them, because it truly feels like they don't have them. The devil's in the thoughts, though.
But I agree that all humans emote; if we didn't, we would just do and think nothing at all. It's just that emotional experience is on a very complex and blurry spectrum.

 

[RiderNo.4]

128,530

128,529


I'm not trying to speak for Xi-Xi since she knows herself best, but it doesn't sound too contrary to me personally. You don't have to feel an emotion in order for it to drive you; muted feelings are much a thing that exists, and they're incredibly confusing if the person having them can't spot them, because it truly feels like they don't have them. The devil's in the thoughts, though.
But I agree that all humans emote; if we didn't, we would just do and think nothing at all. It's just that emotional experience is on a very complex and blurry spectrum.

Thanks for clearing up some of the confusion, at least for what you experience. From what you wrote, it sounds like there is an initial emotion that brings on a very strong reaction, even if you aren't aware of what the emotion is or where it is coming from. If that is the case, I for sure experience the same thing. Being cognisant of emotions is a skill, and any skill takes time to develop. Trying to understand what you're feeling isn't going to help you in the moment, but it might help you recognise it before it gets to the point of self-harm in the future.

 

[Arvayn]

128,529

You are very thoughtful.
Anyway, on a different note...
I had a demon of the woods tell me in a dream that it has taken control of me and yet I will only know it to be true when I see the sign. I also felt very disembodied as this happened. Quite the interesting dream.

 

[gunmetalblue]

128,530

Evening counters

 

[Eriktf]

128,531

 

[SleeplessAndSad]

128,530

Evening counters

Good evening counter :)

128,532

 

[gunmetalblue]

128,533

How you doing today?

 

[SleeplessAndSad]

128,532

my day didn't start so well but it turned out pretty good. I am strangely in a good mood now. I also got new meds, so i will see how that works out.

How are you today?

 

[Eriktf]

128,533

 

[IdentityDoe]

128,534

 

[gunmetalblue]

128,535

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