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Hey again, @ClownMe
Sorry to hear things have been so bad. It sounds like a lot that you have on your plate and it goes without saying that I wish we all could find relief from the day in day out suffering somehow. It just never is black and white, not even with the "final jump" that some of us end up taking.
I relate heavily to your reply to Heavyeyes. I wish I could get my license but I don't know if I will ever be able to because it literally wouldn't be safe for me to drive with my conditions. I dissociate really badly when I have anxiety and feel like I could accidently hit someone if I started driving. I'm not sure if others around me understand that I'm making the responsible decision either, and those who do keep saying, "That's okay, you can get it one day when you're better," all the while I'm thinking to myself, "I don't know if that day will ever come."
But yeah, I'm just sorry that you're suffering and have a lot of empathy for you and others here as well. Life can be so fucking cruel, and despite it sounding like a cliche, it is absolutely true. Also, in regards to Frankie, I suppose all I can say is that I'm sorry since there is no advice in this situation. I think day in and day out about the day that my mom will die and it truly bothers me (she is getting older).
One last note: I also have inhibitions from going on walks even though I desperately need to. My panic attacks are just so bad that I gave up and live inside without going out at all. I only leave the house for absolute necessities essentially and it is really painful everytime, so I understand where you're coming from.