Hello. I am new here and get the impression that telling a little intro story is the right thing to do, so here goes.
The Background
I had a good life and now I don't. I guess that resonates with many other members.I had happiness, love, enough money and family and friends. But although I used to be intelligent, clearly I'm also naive. I trusted others and ended up relying on others too much and now I'm stuck. I don't trust anyone now but it's too late. I'm too old to start again and the thing is, I don't want to.
All the things that should give me pleasure and all the things that used to give me pleasure, give me nothing now. I realise that's classic depression but I don't even want to bother trying to fix it because the state of life to return to post-depression, is bad. I don't want to go through cbt again, it doesn't work anyway. Ctb is all that I focus on.
It's a combination of trusting people too much, relying on others, illness, poor decisions and aging.
Nowadays
Well, I have what I need for Plan A ctb, almost enough for plan b, and also a plan c if they fail (although I'd prefer to avoid plan c if possible).
I have only recently joined here but cannot for the life of me work out what IC is. I have sn from a source, all very legal and above board, that doesn't seem to be mentioned on this site but I guess I'd prefer having a source that is known to be legitimate. I think mine should be fine but there's no way of knowing that for sure. But I think I'm too new to be able to ask for that info yet anyway.
I've had it all set up and a date set, twice. The first time I was all ready, did my 2 day domperidone course but a conversation happened that seemed to restore a fraction of faith in humanity. It was an illusion of course, because humanity is appalling, but the moment had gone.
Second time, I was all the way through the regimen again, had it all timed what to set out and when. I felt more nervous this time about stepping into a void and also the prospect of any uncomfortable suffering first, so I took some tramadol along with my anxiety medication to calm me. It worked too well and i fell asleep. When I woke, again the moment had gone.
Since then, I keep finding excuses. Oh I'll do it after that gig, or this outing or whatever. Things that I usually end up cancelling anyway. It's stupid and this SI is annoying. It is either passive, making me put it off, or active, causing me fear. Either way, I'd gladly get rid of it
What now
So, I'm ready, I think I am. The situation around me is getting worse and there are no other good options. I don't have a lot of people who will miss me anyway. Some, and I feel bad for them but it can't be helped.
It is set in my mind for a date next month. As I said, I'd prefer to have the IC product in hand but I can't, because I don't know what or where it is. I don't think I'll be able to do a live-goodbye thing like others have done because I'm intending to wipe my phone as part of the list of things to finalise that day. But I'm happy to talk about it or answer any questions.
Basically I've read a LOT here before finally being able to register and the non-judgmental support all round for others with similar issues is incredible. I've ended up spending more and more of my time here. So if there is any way I can give back to the community while I'm still around, I will.
Questions
1. Domperidone or meto or both?
2. It seems that you will vomit whether or not you take an anti-emetic. So I wonder if the point of having it as an "essential" is to delay the inevitable vomit?
3. Does anyone know how long we need to keep the SN in before vomiting in order for it to be successful? 5 minutes? 10 minutes? (When I experimented with table-salty water, 10 mins was the maximum and that was only 3g. Nausea was almost immediate and the vomit was quite obviously all the salt and all the water)
4. As for having a 2nd dose, won't that just be vomited up immediately as well? Especially as we are already going to be feeling very sickly from the first one
5. And lastly, regarding a 2nd dose - does nobody worry that it's a very dangerous thing to leave lying around (if unused) for whoever might find us later? Or at the very least making it obvious what substance was used and therefore speeding and aiding treatment and possible "saving"? (I did think of labelling it "cyanide" as the antidote for that ironically is SN rather than meth blue).
DA
The Background
I had a good life and now I don't. I guess that resonates with many other members.I had happiness, love, enough money and family and friends. But although I used to be intelligent, clearly I'm also naive. I trusted others and ended up relying on others too much and now I'm stuck. I don't trust anyone now but it's too late. I'm too old to start again and the thing is, I don't want to.
All the things that should give me pleasure and all the things that used to give me pleasure, give me nothing now. I realise that's classic depression but I don't even want to bother trying to fix it because the state of life to return to post-depression, is bad. I don't want to go through cbt again, it doesn't work anyway. Ctb is all that I focus on.
It's a combination of trusting people too much, relying on others, illness, poor decisions and aging.
Nowadays
Well, I have what I need for Plan A ctb, almost enough for plan b, and also a plan c if they fail (although I'd prefer to avoid plan c if possible).
I have only recently joined here but cannot for the life of me work out what IC is. I have sn from a source, all very legal and above board, that doesn't seem to be mentioned on this site but I guess I'd prefer having a source that is known to be legitimate. I think mine should be fine but there's no way of knowing that for sure. But I think I'm too new to be able to ask for that info yet anyway.
I've had it all set up and a date set, twice. The first time I was all ready, did my 2 day domperidone course but a conversation happened that seemed to restore a fraction of faith in humanity. It was an illusion of course, because humanity is appalling, but the moment had gone.
Second time, I was all the way through the regimen again, had it all timed what to set out and when. I felt more nervous this time about stepping into a void and also the prospect of any uncomfortable suffering first, so I took some tramadol along with my anxiety medication to calm me. It worked too well and i fell asleep. When I woke, again the moment had gone.
Since then, I keep finding excuses. Oh I'll do it after that gig, or this outing or whatever. Things that I usually end up cancelling anyway. It's stupid and this SI is annoying. It is either passive, making me put it off, or active, causing me fear. Either way, I'd gladly get rid of it
What now
So, I'm ready, I think I am. The situation around me is getting worse and there are no other good options. I don't have a lot of people who will miss me anyway. Some, and I feel bad for them but it can't be helped.
It is set in my mind for a date next month. As I said, I'd prefer to have the IC product in hand but I can't, because I don't know what or where it is. I don't think I'll be able to do a live-goodbye thing like others have done because I'm intending to wipe my phone as part of the list of things to finalise that day. But I'm happy to talk about it or answer any questions.
Basically I've read a LOT here before finally being able to register and the non-judgmental support all round for others with similar issues is incredible. I've ended up spending more and more of my time here. So if there is any way I can give back to the community while I'm still around, I will.
Questions
1. Domperidone or meto or both?
2. It seems that you will vomit whether or not you take an anti-emetic. So I wonder if the point of having it as an "essential" is to delay the inevitable vomit?
3. Does anyone know how long we need to keep the SN in before vomiting in order for it to be successful? 5 minutes? 10 minutes? (When I experimented with table-salty water, 10 mins was the maximum and that was only 3g. Nausea was almost immediate and the vomit was quite obviously all the salt and all the water)
4. As for having a 2nd dose, won't that just be vomited up immediately as well? Especially as we are already going to be feeling very sickly from the first one
5. And lastly, regarding a 2nd dose - does nobody worry that it's a very dangerous thing to leave lying around (if unused) for whoever might find us later? Or at the very least making it obvious what substance was used and therefore speeding and aiding treatment and possible "saving"? (I did think of labelling it "cyanide" as the antidote for that ironically is SN rather than meth blue).
DA
