couldn't do it

[trayansh]

I planned to CTB 4 days ago on my 27th birthday but i couldn't do it because my mom was excited about it and got me a birthday cake, I just couldn't do it. She is the only person I love and care about but I really wanna die too cause I don't see point in life. I guess I just gotta wait for her to pass away and then do it atleast I wouldn't hurt her but idk if I will be able to hold on till then. I am stuck, I just don't wanna hurt her because she lived for me when she could have CTB and I was just a year old, she lived 27 years cause of me and I can't do it to her.. wish i was a better son and not a disappointment

 

[whywere]

Wait a minute, you think that you are a disappointment? Hell NO!! YOU are beyond a thoughtful and caring person, way beyond. Please let me explain:

1st) You love your mom, now how thoughtful and loving is that, just so totally awesome.

2nd) Going by my life experience and what I have seen, heard, felt through 66 years is that to be as loving and caring as you take a lot of intelligence and so, so much understanding of humanity.

3rd) I am NOT pro anything ever, but ctb is one and done no do overs ever, I have 2 attempts myself and reading your post just was so heartwarming and humanistic, I was having a really bad day and now nope. You gave me hope today, thank you.

4th) I never had a family growing up or anytime and to have such a loving and caring relationship, like you have with your mom, is what life is all about. You have the gold standard.

Again, thank you for brightening my day and sending you lost of sunny skies, and have a wonderful rest of this week.

Walter

 

[stermc]

I planned to CTB 4 days ago on my 27th birthday but i couldn't do it because my mom was excited about it and got me a birthday cake, I just couldn't do it. She is the only person I love and care about but I really wanna die too cause I don't see point in life. I guess I just gotta wait for her to pass away and then do it atleast I wouldn't hurt her but idk if I will be able to hold on till then. I am stuck, I just don't wanna hurt her because she lived for me when she could have CTB and I was just a year old, she lived 27 years cause of me and I can't do it to her.. wish i was a better son and not a disappointment

I can relate so much to this. My mom is the only thing keeping me alive. I don't know how much more I can take, but it doesn't feel right to make her go through the pain that comes with grieve after all she has done to make my life better.
I am sorry you are in this situation as well.
And to me you seem like a very good son (and person).
Lots of love

 

[sevenkarmas]

I planned to CTB 4 days ago on my 27th birthday but i couldn't do it because my mom was excited about it and got me a birthday cake, I just couldn't do it. She is the only person I love and care about but I really wanna die too cause I don't see point in life. I guess I just gotta wait for her to pass away and then do it atleast I wouldn't hurt her but idk if I will be able to hold on till then. I am stuck, I just don't wanna hurt her because she lived for me when she could have CTB and I was just a year old, she lived 27 years cause of me and I can't do it to her.. wish i was a better son and not a disappointment

As whywere stated, you seem like a good decent person. I envy the relationship you have with your mom.

 

[Andarosh]

Funny, me and my mom haven´t talked to each other for about 3 months (with hate to each other), nothing holds me back to CTB anymore, except I can´t find SN to buy anywhere...

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be really tiring feeling trapped in that situation and it does sound like a difficult situation to be in, when you wish to ctb yet you feel unable to. I do get that it can be so dreadful having to continue enduring this life when you want to be gone, but I wish you the best.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I waited for my mom to pass away. It was a long wait. I wanted to off myself better than 25 years ago. TBH, it really wasn't so much about not hurting her, and it would have, but that she needed my help and there was no one else.

 

[deathissosad]

I dont want to put my mom through this but at the same tolken i want to be gone before her so i selfishly dont have to go through the grief of losing her.

 

[trayansh]

Wait a minute, you think that you are a disappointment? Hell NO!! YOU are beyond a thoughtful and caring person, way beyond. Please let me explain:

1st) You love your mom, now how thoughtful and loving is that, just so totally awesome.

2nd) Going by my life experience and what I have seen, heard, felt through 66 years is that to be as loving and caring as you take a lot of intelligence and so, so much understanding of humanity.

3rd) I am NOT pro anything ever, but ctb is one and done no do overs ever, I have 2 attempts myself and reading your post just was so heartwarming and humanistic, I was having a really bad day and now nope. You gave me hope today, thank you.

4th) I never had a family growing up or anytime and to have such a loving and caring relationship, like you have with your mom, is what life is all about. You have the gold standard.

Again, thank you for brightening my day and sending you lost of sunny skies, and have a wonderful rest of this week.

Walter

Thank you for your kind words and I am glad I was able to brigthen your day.

I can relate so much to this. My mom is the only thing keeping me alive. I don't know how much more I can take, but it doesn't feel right to make her go through the pain that comes with grieve after all she has done to make my life better.
I am sorry you are in this situation as well.
And to me you seem like a very good son (and person).
Lots of love

Yeah exactly, it just doesn't feel right to do that even when I want to do it so badly, idk if I am a good son or a person but I try.. thank you

I waited for my mom to pass away. It was a long wait. I wanted to off myself better than 25 years ago. TBH, it really wasn't so much about not hurting her, and it would have, but that she needed my help and there was no one else.

I can understand, my mom also has only me so I get you. you are a good human and son

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I'm alive because of my mom, too. When I first tried to ctb, I had a vision of her at my funeral. I couldn't go through with it. I'm her only child. She gave up so much for me. My death would destroy her.

I've thought about waiting for her to die. She is old and in poor health, yet I still feel like she has years left. But I don't think I can wait that long.

 

[almaranthine]

I feel the same way about my mom. She struggled through life raising me as a single parent, and tried her best to provide and give me a good upbringing. Ending my life and inflicting pain on her presents me with a huge amount of guilt. Alternatively, I cannot fathom how hard it will be to keep dragging myself along, potentially for decades, to spare her the pain of losing me. I lived with her for years and she ended up kicking me out. I soon face homelessness and I do not feel she will have any empathy for me again. I regret losing the stable home that I had with her even though there were many aspects that were not ideal for me. I'm at a loss of how to cope with any of this. I understand your pain.

 

[whywere]

I'm alive because of my mom, too. When I first tried to ctb, I had a vision of her at my funeral. I couldn't go through with it. I'm her only child. She gave up so much for me. My death would destroy her.

I've thought about waiting for her to die. She is old and in poor health, yet I still feel like she has years left. But I don't think I can wait that long.

I just had to comment on your post as it hit me so, so hard and made me cry. Please let me explain myself before anyone comes after me.

I hope, pray and wish that you can hold on and/or wait till your mom moves on, as for me, and yes, I have mentioned it so, so many times on here already, I was NEVER wanted and when I got 18 was kicked out and never heard from my family again ever. One day out of the blue a person from my home area must have found one of my phone numbers, I have multiple ones for work, and informed me that my "mom" had moved on. It just me like a ton of bricks, yes, they were crapped to me for 18 years, but she still was my mom, who carried me for 9 months in her belly.

I tried to contact my older brother and younger sister and received a call from another person who said that I was to be informed that I was not welcomed to any type of funeral or anything.

It still hurts to this day, always unwanted till the end of time, I guess.

Please, if at all possible, wait, you will regret it some place, some time, somewhere. This is not the only existence that you or me or anyone will experience.

Plese disagree with me all everyone wants, but please be thoughtful, kind and constructive in one's responses.

Walter