Venting Coronavirus broke my suicide plans!

[DoNotLet2]

Ok, I gotta vent.
I am fuckin disrespected everywhere, even here I'm being ignored. It's not anyone's fault but mine because my autism makes me unable to see my social mistakes and there is no solution, I can't learn it despite my best intentions. So why even bother by living? Why not die?

I had a very simple plan. Learn how to commit suicide by SN, then take SN to a forest, go deep enough and then die. I can't commit suicide at home, because I still live with my parents, because I'm finishing my high school. Perfect plan what could go wrong?

Coronavirus!! Forests and parks are shut down, traffic is limited, you can go to shops or something... I simply can't go to forest and commit suicide. Coronavirus fuck you. I don't know how long it will last. Maybe 2 months maybe 2 years? 2 years is way more than enough to let me finish my high school. Ehhh It looks like I will have to live for a while and idk what after that.

 

[Mr2005]

Maybe it's for the best. Finish high school, wait for this epidemic to subside. Things could look a lot brighter

 

[DoNotLet2]

I hope so but I don't think I can make it... I am not strong by any means.
It is too much for me. My "teacher" bullies me via internet, my classmates hate me for no reason, in the internet I get nothing but hate. Maybe people have it worse, but I'm not strong to deal with it myself.

 

[Mr2005]

The internet has ruined everything

 

[DoNotLet2]

You're wrong, autism has ruined everything for me in my opinion.

 

[Soulless_Angel]

The internet has ruined everything

People have ruined everything, the internet wouldn't exist with out people

but yes cornavirus sucks holding out because the world has gone to shit

 

[Mr2005]

Look how much the internet came up in your last post. That's the difference between now and then and why depression in kids has skyrocketed. They can't even enjoy their childhood anymore. I agree it's people and it just gives them another way to be evil. Isn't most crime cyber now?

 

[DoNotLet2]

My life would be pointless no matter internet. Or maybe it has skyrocketed because we give no shit about each other? No idea.

 

[Mr2005]

Yeah. Lifes become lonely because of technology

 

[BridgeJumper]

Saaaaame
I cant get to the bridge without paying an insanely high fine for being outside and its driving me craaazy. How can I kill myself with my parents watching 24/7?

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Same. I planned to ctb this monthh but I will be isolated with my family all this month.

 

[watereyes]

Same here.. Asperger's syndrome. And because of corona, can't get on the railway again..

 

[flower]

in the same boat, stuck in a house with my parents for the foreseeable future so no chance of privacy

 

[Creekalalia]

I hope so but I don't think I can make it... I am not strong by any means.
It is too much for me. My "teacher" bullies me via internet, my classmates hate me for no reason, in the internet I get nothing but hate. Maybe people have it worse, but I'm not strong to deal with it myself.

I do not know you, but I promise I do not hate you. We are all beautiful and powerful souls deserving of love. I am so sorry you are hurting. I love you.

 

[hatelife]

I too have degrees of autism, or at least autism personality like my doctor said, I dont have it but the personality of it, I know its not the internet fault, it would be the same without it even worse I think. Sometimes I just wanna be alone and get tired of being around ppl too much. U can talk to me if u want pm me, hope u find peace whatever u do, keep your head up :)

 

[DoNotLet2]

awww thanks for the support. I think internet is good because this is the only place in which I can read "autism doesn't make you a worse kind of people". In the real life people don't believe in me only because I'm autistic so I spend all my free time in the internet.

 

[Partial-Elf]

So sad to hear that you feel bullied by your teacher. Remember you can make their life hell by sending proof of that bullying to their boss, especially if you can get your parents behind you and upset.

I don't think the internet is a corrupting force per se, though I do think habitually comparing yourself to others via Facebook or other means is pretty damaging. I know a lot of racism and backward social ideas are spread through YouTube as well, which sucks.

Ultimately though, the internet has allowed me to pursue my eclectic interests and find communities of people who can relate to my less mainstream thoughts (this forum is an example).

 

[DoNotLet2]

Am I a weirdo because I don't really like Facebook? XD I really made an account there just because of the social pressure. I use it every day because I have little choice. Use Facebook or don't be up to date. But I find it really boring honestly.

Partial-Elf I'm Polish it doesn't work that way unfortunately. Here in Poland only students' results matter, their psyche doesn't and my teacher has too good results to be out.

 

[TAW122]

I'm in the same boat too, my CTB plan has been postponed until I can get the logistics and the right opportunity to do so. In the meantime, I'm on borrowed time and just coping while waiting for all this to pass. Anyways, I hope you are able to find comfort and peace in this trying time.

 

[DoNotLet2]

Thanks for wishing me well but there is no fuckin comfort. I don't get what fuckin meto, bezos are in SS so idk how to commit suicide even.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Thanks for wishing me well but there is no fuckin comfort. I don't get what fuckin meto, bezos are in SS so idk how to commit suicide even.

Have you read Stan's guide? All you need is the SN and the water. If you can measure those two things, you are capable if ctb is your choice.

Btw, hope you've noticed you're not being disrespected here in this thread. Disrespect may still happen on the forum (or what you perceive as disrespect, I may perceive it differently), but disrespect happens wherever people gather. I observed, though, that it's a low percentage of interactions on the forum.

 

[DoNotLet2]

Wow thanks for so many replies I didn't hope for more than 3 ur so lovely <3
oooo maybe I can die then. But after coronavirus is gone because now you can go out only if you must and suicide isn't on the "must go out" list unfortunately
Yeah this place is good for me but some days I forget to log in and do anything xd

 

[GotoHellforHeavensSa]

Wow thanks for so many replies I didn't hope for more than 3 ur so lovely <3
oooo maybe I can die then. But after coronavirus is gone because now you can go out only if you must and suicide isn't on the "must go out" list unfortunately
Yeah this place is good for me but some days I forget to log in and do anything xd

Hej, przykro mi że sytuacja z koroną postawiła cię w takim miejscu . Niestety jeśli chodzi o jak najbardziej komfortowe użycie SN póki kwarantanna nie przeminie nie masz tutaj dużych szans by uzyskać potrzebne środki, ale jeśli bedziesz mieć pytania na ten temat, to chętnie odpowiem. Mimo że nie planuję ctb w najbliższym czasie, to temat mam wydaje mi się dość zgłębiony.
Jeszcze w kwestii twojego nauczyciela - każdego da się załatwić , jest to bardziej krucha posada niż może ci się wydawać i naprawdę współczuję ci nieprzyjemności obcowania z taką osobą. Anyways, trzymaj się i ściskam cieplutko!

 

[DoNotLet2]

Oooo, Ty jesteś Polką/Polakiem? ^^ Czy używasz tłumacza? Chyba używasz tłumacza, bo myślisz, że nauczyciel to krucha posada, ale doceniam Twój wysiłek. :)
How is it like... i am going to so called good school because due to my high intelligence (not very high but kinda high) I can't go to school that is for dumb people. People with lower cognitive skills hate me and call me a crammer so I go to a school in which being a crammer is not considered to be a bad thing.
The headteacher cares about nothing but our grades and knowledge. Without getting into details she knows there are "teachers" that are bullies, not only my math "teacher", but their students do excellent at their finals so she considers them to be fine. And that bully only picked a few people like me for example, for the rest she is lovely so my classmates would say that I'm lying.

 

[Enabran255]

The virus has had the effect of both significantly accelerating my exit plans, along with sabotaging them because it has cut off any way I have to get meto. It seems there is no longer any viable way for those who live in the US to get meto without trying to fake a prescription. The online black market places seem to have all been crippled by the virus. I've considered in the past going to Mexico to get meto, but now the border has been closed. I couldn't even get to the border anyway because most US states have locked down residents so it is in violation of the law to go to the airport and travel somewhere else. Not to mention all the flights that have been canceled.

I was hanging on to a thread of sanity/hope by foolishly thinking that eventually I would be able to get out of this shitty place I live in, where I am subjected to on a daily basis a toxic family environment, and all the shame that comes with it for still being a NEET at my advanced age. Now, that hope has been definitively snuffed out permanently by the fucking virus. Life and the freedoms we enjoyed up to this point will never, ever be the same again. It will be years at minimum before things can begin to recover, and the days of affordable travel and airfare will be forever a thing of the past. Only the rich will be allowed to travel freely, with the rest of us being unable to do so due to prohibitive costs and/or government restrictions, all in the name of "public safety." I saw the same kind of things happen after 9/11, with the patriot act and the establishment of the 100 mile border zone where citizens' fourth amendment rights are suspended. History has proven that once a freedom is taken away, it is never reinstated.

 

[DoNotLet2]

Yeah I stopped caring about my grades in the third class of middle school but my teachers didn't.
Well I love learning but not the stuff what I'm being "taught" at school.
No psychologist in school.
School counselor? Ah, she thinks I'm idiot because of my Asperger's the most really xd I don't wanna talk to her no more.

 

[Luchs]

The internet has ruined everything

The only good thing that ever came out of the internet was SS.

 

[DoNotLet2]

Then you don't know good websites :P I mean there are some nice userless websites.

 

[eksded]

Funny, for me it's the complete opposite. Before corona I had a connection with mental healthcare, but because corona it was cut. Now I'm ready to leave. It really is funny how life goes.

 

[Luchs]

Then you don't know good websites :P I mean there are some nice userless websites.

It is less about the quality of things and more about the social impact. The internet is a breeding hround for crime, degeneracy and extremism. Through social media there have come things like witchhunts and cancel culture, where people get their lifes ruined, often without a good reason or proof. I think the internet is degrading so people, culture and society as a whole.