1MiserableGuy
Specialist
- Dec 30, 2023
- 365
Let me set the stage before getting into this current stuff going on. When my parents were still just dating, my paternal grandfather had an affair while stationed in England for the navy. When he got caught, he divorced my maternal grandmother, took the mistress back home to the States and married her. When that happened, my grandmother became so depressed that when I was born I basically became her reason to live. She did all the grandparent work for all four, none of my other grandparents had shit to do with us.
Fast forward 16 years. Mom continues the generational curse and has an affair, with dad's best friend. Dad's two sisters know about it from hacking her emails and blackmail her for years until she finally cracks and confesses it to dad. Dad's whole side of the family falls apart. Unlike mom's parents, my parents get marriage therapy and work their shit out. During this time, mom's mom begins to decline enough that she has to become her primary care taker.
Now today, mom's dad suddenly has an interest in us and my kid, now that he's past the point of being mobile enough to come down and see us himself. So we're doing a long weekend where he lives for that.
Mom's mom's decline is now so great she has been admitted into a nursing home, because she simply requires 24 hour care that mom cannot possibly provide. It helps me sit with it that she had expressed her wishes in a situation like that in the past, but I don't understand it because I'd rather ctb than live through that level of decline. So while she's that incapacitated, ultimately because of spousal betrayal, I'm supposed to believe this guy cares about us and what we have going on.
My ability to forgive people is already compromised, especially when it's this close to home, but ultimately I realize that forgiving isn't for the person you're forgiving, it's for your own healing. It's easy to hold this stuff against him, but no amount of that will ever undo what's been done.
Fast forward 16 years. Mom continues the generational curse and has an affair, with dad's best friend. Dad's two sisters know about it from hacking her emails and blackmail her for years until she finally cracks and confesses it to dad. Dad's whole side of the family falls apart. Unlike mom's parents, my parents get marriage therapy and work their shit out. During this time, mom's mom begins to decline enough that she has to become her primary care taker.
Now today, mom's dad suddenly has an interest in us and my kid, now that he's past the point of being mobile enough to come down and see us himself. So we're doing a long weekend where he lives for that.
Mom's mom's decline is now so great she has been admitted into a nursing home, because she simply requires 24 hour care that mom cannot possibly provide. It helps me sit with it that she had expressed her wishes in a situation like that in the past, but I don't understand it because I'd rather ctb than live through that level of decline. So while she's that incapacitated, ultimately because of spousal betrayal, I'm supposed to believe this guy cares about us and what we have going on.
My ability to forgive people is already compromised, especially when it's this close to home, but ultimately I realize that forgiving isn't for the person you're forgiving, it's for your own healing. It's easy to hold this stuff against him, but no amount of that will ever undo what's been done.
