Contemplating things

[Deleted member 65988]

I'm very close to getting SN and its even more surreal that it could get here within a few days and theoretically i could take it by itself with a day's worth of fasting behind it however I won't even risk doing that when I'm going to try and acquire AE (Meto to be specific) since it's better to be safe than sorry however, I have issues that might make me pull back for now.

My stomach grumbles unnecessarily from time to time even if it isn't painful at all but when I do press on it, it does hurt a bit but I guess I'm just paranoid about the possibility of SN because worse because of any underlying issues that I may in fact not have

Second, my mom turns 50 this year and she just buried her mother and sister over the last 7 months with her grandmother seemingly on her way out as well so would it really be messed up of me to make it a 4 peat where even if I've tried to shut out the emotions of my eventual choice and it's ramifications, I am aware that in any case, my death will be a huge problem for her mentally.

So in the meantime, it's got me contemplating on my next step whilst I still try to get AE in the meantime since this is truly what I want. I swear it's like life doesn't want me to take the next step because now it's just occurred to me that although i don't care any good deal about what happens after I'm gone, this has got me thinking a little bit.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds like a difficult situation to be trapped in, but anyway I wish you the best, I wish that it was easier to finally leave this dreadful existence.

 

[90starve]

my dad buried his sister in march - he is still dealing with her affairs, and my grandad may not last much longer. im stuck in the same situation as you i feel.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

my dad buried his sister in march - he is still dealing with her affairs, and my grandad may not last much longer. im stuck in the same situation as you i feel.

Precisely where I'm at and yes, my aunts funeral was in March as well while my grandmother's was in December, just a week before her birthday or what would've been her 62 birthday. My great grandmother is still alive but for the time being so in all honesty, I'm stuck because as much as I want to leave this world, I do know that I'll be leaving behind some effect in the sense that it might just break my mother mentally.

 

[90starve]

Precisely where I'm at and yes, my aunts funeral was in March as well while my grandmother's was in December, just a week before her birthday or what would've been her 62 birthday. My great grandmother is still alive but for the time being so in all honesty, I'm stuck because as much as I want to leave this world, I do know that I'll be leaving behind some effect in the sense that it might just break my mother mentally.

it is very painful having to continue in life out of fear of hurting the ones we love

 

[MrDarkness]

I understand the situation your in, i wanna die I just don't want to hurt my family, also sorry for the question what's AE

 

[Deleted member 65988]

I understand the situation your in, i wanna die I just don't want to hurt my family, also sorry for the question what's AE

AE is Antiemetics for short.

it is very painful having to continue in life out of fear of hurting the ones we love

Agreed, as much I know I'd like to leave before the end of the year, I have to stop and think about what effect it'll have once I'm gone.

 

[MrDarkness]

AE is Antiemetics for short.

Agreed, as much I know I'd like to leave before the end of the year, I have to stop and think about what effect it'll have once I'm gone.

Thanks, also this may be off topic, but I love your name and pfp, I'm guessing the uesugi is your favourite clan?

 

[cicadafriend]

My stomach grumbles unnecessarily from time to time even if it isn't painful at all but when I do press on it, it does hurt a bit but I guess I'm just paranoid about the possibility of SN because worse because of any underlying issues that I may in fact not have

If you're contemplating please make sure this isn't something like a stomach ulcer, because that could make it extremely painful

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Thanks, also this may be off topic, but I love your name and pfp, I'm guessing the uesugi is your favourite clan?

Absolutely it is, from Uesugi Noriaki (Ashikaga Takaujis uncle) all the way to Uesugi Harunori as well as several other families of the Uesugi such as the Ogigayatsu and Inukake but my favorite figure within the clan is Bishamonten incarnate himself and the last great Kanto Kanrei, Uesugi Kenshin. You are actually the 1st person to ask about this.

I love the clan, I haven't been to Yonezawa where successive Uesugi lords are buried including Kenshin himself nor have been to Kasugayama or Risenji where Kenshin was tutored to be a monk. Obviously though, the Uesugi began with Shigefusa but you get what I mean, they consolidated the Kanto around the early-mid 1400s since the Kanto Kubo effectively fell apart but that's enough of a history lesson. I have other favorites like Shimazu, Ouchi, Hosokawa, Amago, Kai-Takeda, Owari Oda( Nobunagas famiy), Hojo, Satake, Otomo, Mori, etc... but these are the bigger clans of the period and very well known

If you're contemplating please make sure this isn't something like a stomach ulcer, because that could make it extremely painful

Oh I don't think it is anymore, the grumbling is weird but it just goes plus I've checked consistently with symptoms for stomach ulcers. I've already ordered my SN in the meantime just to make sure it's in my possession so I'm just trying to check everything I can because I already have heart palpitations and am use to my heart rate going as high as 130 by itself but I did take meds for that over the last few months which has calmed things down but with sn, who knows what may happen.

 

[MrDarkness]

Absolutely it is, from Uesugi Noriaki (Ashikaga Takaujis uncle) all the way to Uesugi Harunori as well as several other families of the Uesugi such as the Ogigayatsu and Inukake but my favorite figure within the clan is Bishamonten incarnate himself and the last great Kanto Kanrei, Uesugi Kenshin. You are actually the 1st person to ask about this.

I love the clan, I haven't been to Yonezawa where successive Uesugi lords are buried including Kenshin himself nor have been to Kasugayama or Risenji where Kenshin was tutored to be a monk. Obviously though, the Uesugi began with Shigefusa but you get what I mean, they consolidated the Kanto around the early-mid 1400s since the Kanto Kubo effectively fell apart but that's enough of a history lesson. I have other favorites like Shimazu, Ouchi, Hosokawa, Amago, Kai-Takeda, Owari Oda( Nobunagas famiy), Hojo, Satake, Otomo, Mori, etc... but these are the bigger clans of the period and very well known

Oh I don't think it is anymore, the grumbling is weird but it just goes plus I've checked consistently with symptoms for stomach ulcers. I've already ordered my SN in the meantime just to make sure it's in my possession so I'm just trying to check everything I can because I already have heart palpitations and am use to my heart rate going as high as 130 by itself but I did take meds for that over the last few months which has calmed things down but with sn, who knows what may happen.

You should play shogun 2, they have all major clans, shimazu obama date oda, tokugawa otomo uesugi, ikko ikki etc. it's really fun

 

[Deleted member 65988]

You should play shogun 2, they have all major clans, shimazu obama date oda, tokugawa otomo uesugi, ikko ikki etc. it's really fun

Yeeah, I mostly read academic research and Japanese sources when I can on clans, castles, temples, arts, armour and weaponry when i can but I do appreciate the recommendation though.