Considering going homeless to force myself to CTB.

[tryme]

I can't force myself to defeat SI, so I've been considering just leaving. It will be easy because i hate my family and this house, as far as im concerned i dont have a family or a home. I need to do it no matter what, even if i have to crawl and use the worst method, since very soon im going to be a vegetable from brain damage due to addiction withdrawal or many diseases eating me alive that i cant afford to treat. And i know i wont last a day on the streets, maybe it will finally push me over the edge. Im already in constant pain and discomfort so adding just one more thing might push me over the edge.

 

[liliths]

i'm not sure where you live (and dw i'm not asking you to share any info), but if you're from the united states i would advise against this. the supreme court recently made homelessness a punishable offense. you could be fined, ticketed, or arrested. if anyone was feeling kind, you'd be brought to a shelter, but the police here do not tend to be gracious. if you arent from the us, then you can disregard this. but pls know that self-sabotage rarely gives you the results you want. idk if it'll help you ctb as much as increase your suffering further. im sorry you're suffering so much. i hope your pain eases soon.

 

[Cress]

I'm sorry to hear you're going through so much. I messed around a little bit with Forcing myself into bad decisions to see if it would cause me to CTB but to be honest more often than not it just results in self sabotage and behavior. Just ends up increasing the suffering tenfold. If you're already suffering really badly I wouldn't artificially try to increase that. No matter what sort of life you've lived no one deserves to suffer.

If you've truly reached your limit And can't go on anymore It's understandable and I think a lot of people respect your decision. I just would advise against artificially increasing your discomfort.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really horrible, I'm sorry you suffer so much in this cruel and torturous existence. But anyway best wishes, I hope you find peace eventually.

 

[dolemitedrums]

I don't see how increasing your misery intentionally is going to help matters. If you want to end it, end it. But you may as well enjoy a slightly better existence until then. Intentionally making your life worse and worse seems kind of silly to me. If your life without making it worse isn't bad enough to make you end it, why not give it a go at living.

 

[tryme]

I don't see how increasing your misery intentionally is going to help matters. If you want to end it, end it. But you may as well enjoy a slightly better existence until then. Intentionally making your life worse and worse seems kind of silly to me. If your life without making it worse isn't bad enough to make you end it, why not give it a go at living.

my life was bad enough to end it for at least 3 years. i only didnt do it because of fear, there is nothing to it. i won't survive any longer no matter what i try. it's my only chance before i become incapacitated and won't even be able to try.

 

[msesis]

my life was bad enough to end it for at least 3 years. i only didnt do it because of fear, there is nothing to it. i won't survive any longer no matter what i try. it's my only chance before i become incapacitated and won't even be able to try.

Are you able to prepare some methods that will allow you to go even if you're incapacitated? Like SN, for example, which you only need to mix and drink? Or an exit bag, I believe, is another option?

 

[tryme]

Are you able to prepare some methods that will allow you to go even if you're incapacitated? Like SN, for example, which you only need to mix and drink? Or an exit bag, I believe, is another option?

Too complicated, I fuck up everything I do, that's why I choose easiest methods to execute. Besides, I'm always on a timer since as a hardcore benzo addict I'm always around a week off from running out, and after 24 hours of withdrawal I'm going to get seizures and possibly a stroke.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Don't underestimate how much more suffering and pain a human can endure. Making your situation worse may not help defeat SI. Also, consider the fact that once you're homeless you may not have access to methods that need a home and privacy.

 

[tryme]

Don't underestimate how much more suffering and pain a human can endure. Making your situation worse may not help defeat SI. Also, consider the fact that once you're homeless you may not have access to methods that need a home and privacy.

its impossible to do any methods at home anyway, i dont even have my own room. it was always out of the question.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

its impossible to do any methods at home anyway, i dont even have my own room. it was always out of the question.

That really sucks but it makes any kind of methods impossible unless people would accept the will to die. However, I don't see how homelessness could beat SI rather it wouzld only increase suffering. Do you have any methods in mind?

 

[dolemitedrums]

its impossible to do any methods at home anyway, i dont even have my own room. it was always out of the question.

Honestly I think if you make yourself homeless you are probably going to spend so much of your focus and energy on basic survival and finding a place to get at least a few hours of sleep to think straight etc. that is going to be harder to make decent plans to CTB, much less anything else.

 

[tryme]

That really sucks but it makes any kind of methods impossible unless people would accept the will to die. However, I don't see how homelessness could beat SI rather it wouzld only increase suffering. Do you have any methods in mind?

train or jumping. 5 mins to train tracks,, no spot to jump from in this city, would have to travel and scout locations, big hassle. drowning requires elaborate weight system to work, so i doubt it.