sillyburner
Bong water chugger
- Jul 22, 2023
- 6
Hi. Call me Silly, whatever you want really. I'm a new member here, and I've been considering CTB'ing for quite some time now. my method will likely be partial hanging by leaning over a rope on a chair and suffocating my blood supply. I've attempted this a few times, my most recent attempt giving me an out-of-body experience. I decided to share my story here, and see if I should go through with this. I have a failsafe of taking 20,000 mg of tylenol and downing it with alcohol after taking vomiting medication, but it may not work or be nearly as comfortable as slowly losing consciousness.
My life is by no means awful, yet it isn't perfect. Ever since the ripe age of 4, I've had a working mentality. I've been a drone for some years now, working, and working, and working, and... working. It feels like nothing is happening. Nothing sparks me joy anymore. I don't actively want to die, and I don't feel tortured. Not exactly. Existence itself is dull and repetitive, and I'm not quite sure if I want to continue like this. I'm not conservative, I enjoy seeking and experiencing new things, but it just isn't enough to justify this lengthy duration of, well, living without purpose. I'm nobody. Nobody on this forum knows who I am in real life, I don't even know 1% of this population. I'm not part of a greater being, I'm simply a byproduct of natural instinct. Nothing I do will change the course of humanity, and frankly, I don't care. I find myself staying awake until early morning hours tossing and turning. I take naps during the day because I can't keep my eyes open. Who am I other than a disposable asset? Will I even be remembered in 50 years? Ending my life now would mean I'd no longer have these long, painful thoughts. I've never been interested in having a family of my own, and the family I have now doesn't cut it for me. I rarely visit them anyway, and the last they would remember of me would be a couple years after my funeral.
I no longer have a purpose staying in a mortal state. I don't know if I'll ascend when I die, or if my life is meaningless and will end with my final breath, shut like a book to be untouched for the rest of eternity. I've been curious of death my entire life, and now I might satisfy it with this final act. Even though this is my first post, and likely my last, I'd like to thank everyone here. You all seem quite kind and accepting, and built quite the niche community here. I'm glad that I can freely share these thoughts here and will be met with only kind words and acceptance, it means quite a lot to me.
To conclude this mess of a "final note," I'd like to say goodbye. Thank you for listening to my story. My planned date will be July 25th, 2023, at 5:00PM EST. If that fails, I'll likely be back the day after. Thank you again.
My life is by no means awful, yet it isn't perfect. Ever since the ripe age of 4, I've had a working mentality. I've been a drone for some years now, working, and working, and working, and... working. It feels like nothing is happening. Nothing sparks me joy anymore. I don't actively want to die, and I don't feel tortured. Not exactly. Existence itself is dull and repetitive, and I'm not quite sure if I want to continue like this. I'm not conservative, I enjoy seeking and experiencing new things, but it just isn't enough to justify this lengthy duration of, well, living without purpose. I'm nobody. Nobody on this forum knows who I am in real life, I don't even know 1% of this population. I'm not part of a greater being, I'm simply a byproduct of natural instinct. Nothing I do will change the course of humanity, and frankly, I don't care. I find myself staying awake until early morning hours tossing and turning. I take naps during the day because I can't keep my eyes open. Who am I other than a disposable asset? Will I even be remembered in 50 years? Ending my life now would mean I'd no longer have these long, painful thoughts. I've never been interested in having a family of my own, and the family I have now doesn't cut it for me. I rarely visit them anyway, and the last they would remember of me would be a couple years after my funeral.
I no longer have a purpose staying in a mortal state. I don't know if I'll ascend when I die, or if my life is meaningless and will end with my final breath, shut like a book to be untouched for the rest of eternity. I've been curious of death my entire life, and now I might satisfy it with this final act. Even though this is my first post, and likely my last, I'd like to thank everyone here. You all seem quite kind and accepting, and built quite the niche community here. I'm glad that I can freely share these thoughts here and will be met with only kind words and acceptance, it means quite a lot to me.
To conclude this mess of a "final note," I'd like to say goodbye. Thank you for listening to my story. My planned date will be July 25th, 2023, at 5:00PM EST. If that fails, I'll likely be back the day after. Thank you again.
