Reflection
One last hurrah
- Sep 12, 2024
- 251
I do not wish to die if I can help it, to me it's really just the lesser evil in my situation.In reality just want to rid myself from my suffering, for a year now I barely get any sleep or feel true joy no matter what I do. I feel like I'm just coping while postponing the inevitable.
I've been weighing my options for a long time now, and no matter what. Non existence seems to be the best option (that I can provide for myself)... But I've just been thinking that if I'm already decided on going, might as well try a last cry for help? Perhaps seeing something serious happen might cause a change of heart and make them care?? I know it's far fetched, chances are it'll be seen as toxic manipulation...but even if it's a shot in the dark, I wanna try to save myself from being forced to choose between a life of suffering and death.
I still haven't completely decided whether I wanna do this as a last resort, or to just ctb and get done with everything once and for all, but if I do seriously consider it what might be the best ways that would only result in hospitalization without causing any permanent damage?
I've been weighing my options for a long time now, and no matter what. Non existence seems to be the best option (that I can provide for myself)... But I've just been thinking that if I'm already decided on going, might as well try a last cry for help? Perhaps seeing something serious happen might cause a change of heart and make them care?? I know it's far fetched, chances are it'll be seen as toxic manipulation...but even if it's a shot in the dark, I wanna try to save myself from being forced to choose between a life of suffering and death.
I still haven't completely decided whether I wanna do this as a last resort, or to just ctb and get done with everything once and for all, but if I do seriously consider it what might be the best ways that would only result in hospitalization without causing any permanent damage?